bac Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I have never had a BF in my life even I am in 40s. I really would want to have a BF but men want just have sex with me several times and they are not interested in me in a serious way. Because I have no experience, I am doing smth wrong but I do not know how to make it right for men. I will describe what I am doing with a man that I am seeing now. I like him a lot. We had sex only 4 times. I have known him maybe 1-2 months. It is not about a marriage or a long-term relationship but I would love to have a relationship with him for a while. On the 4th time when we had sex I told him that he was wonderful, the best, handsome several times. I was not able to keep my hands off him. I was trying to please him in any way. It was so clear that I like him so much and I am totally into him. Of course, it was sincere. He was not cold too. But something tells me that it could be a big turn off for a man because he would feel that I am not a challenge anymore so he would lose his interest. It is like too much emotions and too soon. It is like he has already won me. Men, is it right that if I show a man that I am totally into him, especially too soon, he would lose his interest for me? How should I express my feelings? To be cold is not good too. How long should I date a guy so I can show him that I am totally into him? I am curious how other females, who successfully have BFs, express their emotions. Do I need to hide my emotions if I have them too much? I know that I should make myself a challenge for him. But I have no idea what should I do to be seen by him as a challenge.
carhill Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 You are walking with a man. You see a young couple pass by with a baby in a stroller. Do you react? If so, how? Do you say anything? If yes, what do you say? I'm mentioning this dynamic because it's elemental to coupledom. It's at the core of why we couple up with a gender we're often at odds with. With your current man, try this: If he's used to seeing you on the weekends, plan a trip with a friend for a weekend. Tell him. Then, go. IMO, and many here call me conservative, you had sex too soon if you are interested in a LTR (boyfriend); if you had a clear understanding about the dynamic you are now asking about, then I would have been more confident saying you had sex at the right time. If you are finding this to be a pattern for yourself, it may very well be you are attracting the wrong kind of man for your romantic and emotional style. Would you prefer a man who shares himself more openly but are attracted to the guys who keep you guessing and, hence, you're now trying to make yourself more of a challenge to them? Something to think about.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 IMO, and many here call me conservative, you had sex too soon if you are interested in a LTR (boyfriend); if you had a clear understanding about the dynamic you are now asking about, then I would have been more confident saying you had sex at the right time. That's exactly what I was thinking. Bac, I think you're expressing too much to a guy that is looking for something CASUAL. If you want something more than casual, then the ground-rules need to be laid down BEFORE you have sex with him. Meaning to say to him, "I only have sex with someone I am in a relationship with. I don't do casual sex." But then you MUST follow through on your word. If you give in, they just assume that you're a liar. They don't immediately assume, "Oh, we must be BF/GF, then." They just figure you broke your own rule. As for expressing FEELINGS...I wait until it looks promising towards the long-term side of things. I don't mind giving compliments, but I don't fawn over a guy too much, too early, either. Feelings, IMO, are different from compliments. Like I could tell a guy he has sexy eyes without revealing a single thing about how I feel about the guy.
Recommended Posts