Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Taking deep breath. It's over. I decided to end things with Mr. Separation. Something just wasn't quite right... While I'm ready for something serious, he's still sorting himself, his marriage and his family out. I was getting frustrated lately over the pace of things. Makes sense really when you think about it. I'm okay. Not gloriously relieved, but I know this is for the best. I only hope I have the strenght to stay away this time.
Citizen Erased Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I'm sure this is the right thing for you, Kamille. I'm just sorry it didn't work out.
loveslife Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I'm really sorry it didn't work out. Now get out there and find the guy who wants the same things as you!
Author Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I spent the day drafting lists of qualities I want in a man: number one: emotionally available. See? I am learning!
Jilly Bean Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 K - I didn't know you were dating a guy who was separated. Recently, I had a few dates with a new guy who told me he was divorced. Found out soon after he was separated. Of course, the lying was grounds to break it off to begin with, but no way did I want to be part of all the divorce drama. You did the right thing.
Land Shark Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Your problem is that you're dating men. You know what they say... "Once you go shark,..."
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 number one: emotionally available. I'm going to amend that to read: Emotionally available to you, where you're also emotionally available to them.
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Good for you. You're making a positive change that will benefit you, and you can finally begin on the road to finding your happiness. Too many I've been reading seem to be looking for what they want in a place that it doesn't exist (i.e an unavailble man or woman). You have recognized this, and instead of harming yourself further by stubbornly treading down that road, you're sucoming to wisdom and common sense, and embracing it to work to your benefit instead of fighting it. Be strong, it's going to turn out well for you .
Author Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 K - I didn't know you were dating a guy who was separated. Recently, I had a few dates with a new guy who told me he was divorced. Found out soon after he was separated. Of course, the lying was grounds to break it off to begin with, but no way did I want to be part of all the divorce drama. You did the right thing. I know I learned the hard way, but at least I got out of it earlier rather then later. I just didn't realize how complicated a separation is. This one did introduce himself as being separated, but "separation" is definitely a murky area. The fact is, I want more. I'm ready. He's not. Timing was off. Your problem is that you're dating men. You know what they say... "Once you go shark,..." ...You never go Filet of Sole? I'm going to amend that to read: Emotionally available to you, where you're also emotionally available to them. Interestingly, I also did a list of what I bring to a relationship. Oddly enough, that was the hardest one to do . I am okay. I just hope I manage to stay away this time, even if he tries to win me back.
Cora Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I know this couldn't have been easy for you. I admire you for having the strength to go through with it and just think....you are just that much closer to finding someone who deserves you! You're awesome!
Author Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Thanks H2H and Cora. It is true, now I am free to meet someone who is ready. Once I heal from this one, finish my work here and move to Europe.
Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 The next one will be a good one, K. I can feel it in my bones.
OpenBook Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I'm sorry it didn't work out, Kamille, but I think you're saving yourself a world of hurt by moving away from him. And moving to Europe - how exciting!! Those accents...:love: The world is full of men. I know you'll find a good one!!
pandagirl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Kamille, you went into this 100% and pulled out when it didn't feel right. I think that is great -- it shows a lot of emotional growth, I think. I feel like all of us could take a cue from your handling of this situation.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Kamille, sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. But hey, you're moving!! There'll be plenty of men to sort through .
Author Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 The next one will be a good one, K. I can feel it in my bones. I hope so! I've decided I'm done with getting my heart broken. I'm not heartbroken over this one. More like feeling queezy. I miss him today. I try to find compromises or solutions, but I always come back to the same thing: I want more then he can offer right now. A little part of me takes comfort in thinking, well, maybe in the distant future... I know you'll find a good one!! Thanks OB... Let's just say I won't settle for anything less then a good one. And that's the good thing about this one... He was really really good but his situation was starting to make me doubt him. I much prefer walking away to thinking less of him. Kamille, you went into this 100% and pulled out when it didn't feel right. I think that is great -- it shows a lot of emotional growth, I think. I feel like all of us could take a cue from your handling of this situation. Thanks Panda and Isolde for echoing the sentiment. I hope so. It feels like emotional growth. All I can say is that I take my cue from all of us here on this site! And from my own personal experiences of course. Kamille, sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. But hey, you're moving!! There'll be plenty of men to sort through . I hope so... But right now! gotta go focus on work! Thanks again for all the kind words. It helps to read them. I'm trying to avoid feeling sorry for myself in that why-oh-why-doesn't-it-ever-work-out-for-me way. Instead, I'm trying to take comfort knowing I made a choice which hopefully will mean that it will soon work out for me. He's been in touch... asking me to reconsider.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 He's been in touch... asking me to reconsider. Are you going to? I know you have made your decision but do you think you're going to reconsider?
Author Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Are you going to? I know you have made your decision but do you think you're going to reconsider? Not right now. He's asking me to be patient and wait until he's got everything figured out. I just don't see how I can do that. I want more then he can offer and I don't think the situation as it is now is fair to either of us (or even his children). I might reconsider once he's got everything figured out. But by then I'll probably be in Europe. But who knows what the future holds right? What I do know is that the dynamics of the short-lived R were starting to feel unhealthy.
dreamergrl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 K, remember why you decided to end things. Keep that in your mind. You are likely to be reliving all of this should you take him back again. I also still believe that the whole idea of being friends is way to soon at this point. There's obviously chemistry floating around still. I don't want to see you hurt! You know he can't give you what you need right now, so don't settle for less! Dang it, isn't that what you always tell me?!?!
Ariadne Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Ah well, next! (At least this one doesn't seem to have affected you a great deal) What happened with your Phd? Did you complete it?
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Not right now. He's asking me to be patient and wait until he's got everything figured out. I just don't see how I can do that. I want more then he can offer and I don't think the situation as it is now is fair to either of us (or even his children). I might reconsider once he's got everything figured out. But by then I'll probably be in Europe. But who knows what the future holds right? What I do know is that the dynamics of the short-lived R were starting to feel unhealthy. You want more than what he can offer now and he has to understand that. You can be patient but like you said, we don't know what the future has install for you or him. Let him figure things out. You know, for someone who is a commitment phobe (as I saw you posted on SG's thread) - you sure have it together, Kamille .
Author Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 K, remember why you decided to end things. Keep that in your mind. You are likely to be reliving all of this should you take him back again. I also still believe that the whole idea of being friends is way to soon at this point. There's obviously chemistry floating around still. I don't want to see you hurt! You know he can't give you what you need right now, so don't settle for less! Dang it, isn't that what you always tell me?!?! Thanks Dreamer! See, you've got my back! And I know now it too soon and too soon for a friendship. Ah well, next! (At least this one doesn't seem to have affected you a great deal) What happened with your Phd? Did you complete it? You always say those men don't affect me a great deal . They do. I just refuse to internalize something that's outside of my control. And the strange thing is... This one is probably the closest I've come to my idea of an ideal guy. PhD, I'm getting it done. That's the work I have to do here before Europe. It's going well, thanks for asking. I'm actually starting to feel like I'm an expert at something. You want more than what he can offer now and he has to understand that. You can be patient but like you said, we don't know what the future has install for you or him. Let him figure things out. You know, for someone who is a commitment phobe (as I saw you posted on SG's thread) - you sure have it together, Kamille . Thanks Lyssa. I'm a reforming commitmentphobe. I felt I was recognizing SG's thought patterns. As to this one, walking away is part of me amending my commitmentphobic ways. I do want a beautiful healthy relationship, one where I am fully committed, so I have to stop investing in relationships that enable me to keep one foot in and one foot out.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I do want a beautiful healthy relationship, one where I am fully committed And that is what you will get, Kamille. I'll keep a prayer for you .
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