Cora Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 So the new guy I have been talking about on here....the one who I haven't heard from in awhile, contacted me today. I did not recognize the number since I had deleted him from my contact list but as soon as I read the text I knew who it was. We both got online so we could talk. For some reason he does not like talking on the phone...hmm? Anyway, I was real direct with him....more direct than I have ever been before. I find when you are direct with guys you finally get an honest answer from them. Most of them just don't get hints which I have found this out the hard way. I finally just sucked it up and told him what I was looking for and asked him what he wanted etc. Our relationship or whatever you want to call it was quickly turning into a FWB. This was something I did not want. He told me "I like you a lot and I wish I had more time to spend with you. I'm so busy that I don't really have time for a girlfriend.....you are the closest I have to one. I'm just not into that kind of thing right now." So another words this translates into "I don't want a girlfriend now but I enjoy having sex with you so I want to keep that up." Don't you guys agree? I'm just glad I finally got the truth from him. I feel better now even though I kind of knew that was all he wanted all along. I guess I just hoped he would want more. So I'm back to working on myself and taking a break from dating. I gotta start being more direct with guys more often. This is something I am learning quickly.
loveslife Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I have had guys tell me they like me but are too busy for a relationship. My feeling is it usually means they don't want a relationship with me. In my experience, incredibly busy guys find time for me when they are genuinely interested in me. 100% of the time. Guys will go to great lengths when they have a high level of interest. This is not a reflection on you or what you had to offer the guy. He just wasn't right for you. When you find the right guy he will not let you go.
Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 In my experience, incredibly busy guys find time for me when they are genuinely interested in me. 100% of the time. Guys will go to great lengths when they have a high level of interest. 100% true in my own experience. Good on you Cora for being straightfoward with him. Now you know and you can move on.
Author Cora Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Thanks guys! Yeah, I feel so much better after being straight with him. Should of done it a long time ago. Could have saved myself a lot of pain. Ah well, you live and learn!
loveslife Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Thanks guys! Yeah, I feel so much better after being straight with him. Should of done it a long time ago. Could have saved myself a lot of pain. Ah well, you live and learn! I'm way older than you I'm sure but it's a lesson I'm only now learning myself. Being honest about what you want is the way to go. I'm really proud of you. And now that you know how good it feels to be straightforward, you'll be able to do it sooner the next time. Or better yet, maybe next time you won't have to say a thing because he'll say it first.
Author Cora Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I'm way older than you I'm sure but it's a lesson I'm only now learning myself. Being honest about what you want is the way to go. I'm really proud of you. And now that you know how good it feels to be straightforward, you'll be able to do it sooner the next time. Or better yet, maybe next time you won't have to say a thing because he'll say it first. Oh now wouldn't that be something! Thank you for your reply!
loveslife Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Hey, if you want it, you can have it. Just don't waste your precious time on guys unless they have a high interest level. Don't even go there. If you find yourself wondering if he's interested, save the head space and just say, "next!" Believe me, once you start saying this to yourself you will feel great and that will attract a better level of interest from guys.
carhill Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Our relationship or whatever you want to call it was quickly turning into a FWB. This was something I did not want. He told me "I like you a lot and I wish I had more time to spend with you. I'm so busy that I don't really have time for a girlfriend.....you are the closest I have to one. I'm just not into that kind of thing right now." So another words this translates into "I don't want a girlfriend now but I enjoy having sex with you so I want to keep that up." Don't you guys agree? It means he prefers your vagina/mouth to his palm for masturbatory relief. I call it the 'convenient receptacle theory'. Every busy man's friend.... My advice to you for the future? Do not present yours to a man who can't talk directly (on the phone or in person) about intimate subjects. By intimate subjects I do not mean sexual flirtation. Good luck!
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 "I don't want a girlfriend now but I enjoy having sex with you so I want to keep that up." Don't you guys agree? Haha...I hate it when they try to put it delicately. I outright said it as bluntly as I could to this one guy and he still gave me the, "I don't have time to date," blah, blah...line. I wish they'd just state their intentions and be done with it. Not all of us are that stupid. But yes, I do get what you said above to be the interpretation of what he said.
Lucky_One Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Cora, stop selling yourself short! You already KNEW the truth - he didn't tell you anything new. You already got this guy's M.O. So, really, he didn't tell you the truth. He actually wasn't even honest. Luckily, you are smarter than what he hopes you are!
boogieboy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I wish they'd just state their intentions and be done with it. Not all of us are that stupid. Yeah but if they did this, they wouldnt get you to give them what they want. Guys know they have to give you HOPE of a relationship or they cant keep you hanging on. Thats a given, and being honest is a gamble.
boogieboy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 . I find when you are direct with guys you finally get an honest answer from them. Most of them just don't get hints which I have found this out the hard way. I gotta start being more direct with guys more often. This is something I am learning quickly. HELLOOO! Ladies teach your sisters.... Ive said this all along. Why were you dropping hints instead of telling him directly? Guys dont do HINT speak. Now would the ladies please tell me how to ask a woman in HINT speak how to get the truth from them since many of them dont like direct talk????
Charles1978 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I think what she did was good. She got what she wanted out of it. But I can tell you... sometimes people's schedules just don't mesh. I recently dated a nurse who worked from 3pm-3am every day, and every other weekend. I work the normal 9-5. So what did that leave us? Nothing... no time at all to spend with eachother. This lead to us drifting apart, and we loved eachother. But the fact of the matter is that neither of us had time for the other. It was without a doubt the most tragic relationship experience I've ever had because I really did like her and saw a great future if things had been different. But it didn't work out. We literally never saw eachother, so sometimes this "excuse" is a real reason, unfortunately, to end a relationship.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Yeah but if they did this, they wouldnt get you to give them what they want. Guys know they have to give you HOPE of a relationship or they cant keep you hanging on. Thats a given, and being honest is a gamble. Yeah, well - I think it's totally trashy and disrespectful. There are girls that are into NSA sex. Why lure in one that's not just to hurt her? That's a real crappy way to treat someone. Good thing I see the manure through the fake flowers.
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 He still wasn't honest with you. He says: "I like you a lot" if that were true he would have made time for you, treated you with respect and not cancel your plans at the last minute. He says: "I am too busy for a girlfriend" that is BS. When he meets a girl who he really likes a lot, he will make time. Remember, people do what they passioantely want to do. When a guy is TRULY into you, he will feel so depressed about the thought of NOT seeing you, that he will blow off anything and anybody and make an hour here and there free in his schedule and keep in constant touch via text/phone, even if he is the busiest of busy. I worry that Cora still has some false hope and room for bootycall. Sort of like "He really does like me, he is just busy" when that's not really the case.
Lindarose84 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I worry that Cora still has some false hope and room for bootycall. Sort of like "He really does like me, he is just busy" when that's not really the case. Cora I have to agree with BEG. I'm surprised you even talked to him because honestly, after this long of him ignoring you, I wouldn't have even given him the time of day to "be honest" about why he treated you the way he did. Frankly, what he told you wasn't new information. It was already apparent from his actions that he was just into the bootycall and not a relationship. His mentality is "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Why in the world would he commit to you as your boyfriend when he's already enjoying boyfriend-like benefits, aka sex. That whole "I'm too busy" routine has been used to death. Honestly, I've used it on guys I wasn't really interested in. When guys are into a girl, they MAKE THE TIME, no matter how "busy" they are. Cora, please don't fall back into his web of games and bs. He's using/playing you. I think you should BLOCK him from contacting you at all. You really have to go NC if you want to get over him. As I predicted before, he contacted you and I predict he will contact you again (on his time and on his terms). You cannot let him control this situation. Move on from him now before you get sucked back in.
Author Cora Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Wow thanks for all the replies guys. Sorry I'm just now getting back to this thread. Had the most awful migraine last night and most of today. The reason why I talked to him again was because I wanted to hear it from him. Yeah, I knew the truth all along but I guess I just wasn't satisfied. I realize that he did not even give me a completely honest answer but I can read in between the lines. The biggest thing was him saying he just wasn't into having a girlfriend now. Regardless of that meaning he just isn't into me or that he really isn't looking for a girlfriend now.....It does however mean that he is not going to be able to give me what I want. I made it very clear to him that I was looking for someone who was interested in me for much more than just sex and that someday I would like to be in a commited relationship. I told him that what we were doing was just not working out for me and I will no longer meet him casually for sex. He could not deny that that's what we were doing. He just kept bringing up the busy excuse and how he wished he had more time to spend with me blah blah blah Well, I'm not dumb and I know the truth. Even on the slight chance that it was the truth and he really is busy.....his intentions are still only to meet me for sex. He can play it however he wants and come up with whatever tricks he has but I know what he is out for. I see it clearly now. I'm not falling for it again or having anymore false hope I'm finished with him. He can try to contact me all he wants now but I have blocked him and refuse to talk to him again.
loveslife Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Cora, I have really noticed you maturing through this process with this guy and I see you've emerged with a grace that is really impressive. Good for you. We all come up against situations that aren't right for us. The best we can do is to live and learn. The "I'm too busy" line is really overused in our society, not just in terms of making excuses about relationships. All the talk on this board about it has really helped me stop saying that as an excuse.
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