tami-chan Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I just read this article and would like to share it with you guys. It is an interesting read, I think. Basically, the author said that the purpose of marriage is obsolete and it's better to remain single. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31452178/ns/today_relationships/page/2/
redtail Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 ... the author said that the purpose of marriage is obsolete and it's better to remain single. I wanted to disagree with this before I read it. I struggle to hold on to the illusion, because these thoughts can easily replace the reason one decides that a marriage commitment is life long, marriage is not always easy and has it's rewards. While the author describes a certain type of marriage, for me it does fit the scenario I married into for my second time. I have no children from either marriage and neither does my current wife. So the reasons are not for child rearing but rather for the sake of commitment. But after reading the article, I have to tend to agree as a general statement that maybe marriage, as we've always defined it, is obsolete. I don't know if I would be happier single or not, I've been married more years than I've been single. So maybe it's hard for me to really get into that frame of mind that author speaks of, since I cling to marriage as the better alternative. But I think it is food for thought...
Author tami-chan Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I wanted to disagree with this before I read it. I struggle to hold on to the illusion, because these thoughts can easily replace the reason one decides that a marriage commitment is life long, marriage is not always easy and has it's rewards. While the author describes a certain type of marriage, for me it does fit the scenario I married into for my second time. I have no children from either marriage and neither does my current wife. So the reasons are not for child rearing but rather for the sake of commitment. But after reading the article, I have to tend to agree as a general statement that maybe marriage, as we've always defined it, is obsolete. I don't know if I would be happier single or not, I've been married more years than I've been single. So maybe it's hard for me to really get into that frame of mind that author speaks of, since I cling to marriage as the better alternative. But I think it is food for thought... Hi redtail...the trend is sobering to me. I still want to get married and be happy ever after...but I agree with you with the above bolded statement...
OpenBook Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I just know so few married people who seem (from the outside) to be happy... and in most of those, the guy calls his wife "Mom." I don't know if marriage should go the way of the Do-Do Bird, but we (as a society) certainly don't seem to be doing a very good job of upholding it as an institution.
quankanne Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 what a crock – this is a very biased report, with no inclusion of comments from people who actually "get" what marriage is about: Hard work that can be very satisfying when you realize you can accomplish the goals you've set forth. we want it all, but we're too tired to work on making sure we get it, so we shxtcan the most expendable parts of our unhappy lives (often our partners, because after all, THEY are responsible for making sure we're happy, aren't they?). no wonder marriage gets such a bad rap!
boldjack Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Forrest, In what way are you helping anybody with your snarky comments? Either talk to people or leave them be.
boldjack Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 You first, buckaroo. you were the one that started the "dissing".
PhoenixRise Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I just read this article and would like to share it with you guys. It is an interesting read, I think. Basically, the author said that the purpose of marriage is obsolete and it's better to remain single. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31452178/ns/today_relationships/page/2/ The article is interesting, thanks for sharing Tami. I think that the original purpose of marriage IS obsolete. I wonder what a working modern marriage would look like. Open Marriage? No expectation of "death do us part"? Or maybe no marriage at all. Just 2 people chosing to cohabitate. I don't know. Food for thought.
redtail Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 The article is interesting, thanks for sharing Tami. I think that the original purpose of marriage IS obsolete. I wonder what a working modern marriage would look like. Open Marriage? No expectation of "death do us part"? Or maybe no marriage at all. Just 2 people chosing to cohabitate. I don't know. Food for thought. I agree, the purpose of marriage is evolving. I think that the expectation of the married relationship is not as predefined as it once was and the roles can not be as clearly stated. A successful couple needs to define it for themsleves so that their expectations and needs are met. Therefor if they so choose, maybe "death do us part" works, I still like to think it's possible. Also, I'd personally not like to see "open marriage'" seen as a given, but that's just me...
Dexter Morgan Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I still want to get married... for the love of god, I implore you........DON'T!!!!
Gamine Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 What, pray tell, do challenges have to do with finding beauty in a deeply committed relationship with one partner for life? It seems that our constructs are being challenged. We can either cave or stand up for what we believe in. I believe in the marriage vow, and not sowing one's wild oats after marriage. That is a task that is better taken care of in advance of saying "I do". Perhaps we have become so inundated with feelings of entitlement that we are no longer grateful for the little things? Perhaps our demands from others have become so great that there is literally no human being capable of ever satisfying such a need. Is that good or bad? Well, if one is never happy and is always searching for more... I can guarantee that leads to unhappiness. Because the appetite can never be satiated. Always looking. Always identifying the areas of unrest. Always unhappy. Me? I believe in love and believe in marriage. I think it can be good but requires exemplary character.
redtail Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 ... Me? I believe in love and believe in marriage. I think it can be good but requires exemplary character. Very nice Gamine and even though I've been bit by it, I still believe in marriage too...
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Saw her on TV and now have read the article and just shake my head. More "Sex and The city" drivel, only for older married women. Hey and let's throw in a twist, the men here are outwardly perfect husbands, but have no interest in sex. The women are all attractive, intelligent, sexually exciting and ridiculous catches, stuck in marriages of covenience. Oh yea and let's balme it on the kids and all their activities and the need to stimulate them. Interesting read, sad cases, but empty in the end.
HsMomma Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 "Fisher, a women’s cult figure and an anthropologist, has long argued that falling in love — and falling out of love — is part of our evolutionary biology and that humans are programmed not for lifelong monogamy, but for serial monogamy. (In stretches of four years, to be exact, approximately the time it takes to get one kid safely through infancy. Long-married husbands and wives should pleasantly agree to be friends, to set the bedroom aglow at night by the mute opening of separate laptops and just be done with it." I've quoted a couple of the more irritating (can't think of a stronger adjective at the moment - caffeine deficiency is kicking in - icky, disgusting, full-of-crap - am I getting any better? - paragraphs from the article. The first bolded part made me want to reach for a barf bag, only I'm not on an airplane...anybody have a trash can handy?? Gimme a break! If I had to deal with "serial monogamy" of four years' duration, meaning JUST ABOUT the time it takes to really get to know someone, EVERY four years, just go ahead & put me out of my misery now! The second bolded part is unbelievable to me as well - I may take flames for this, but if this is what the author truly believes, it's no wonder she's divorced! What ever happened to, gee, I don't know...talking? Communicating in the privacy of your own room when no one else is around? If I'd wanted a platonic roommate, then I'd have just gone out & shared an apartment somewhere. This, to me, is NOTHING like marriage. Is marriage always (as my daughter says) "whooo-hooo"? Nope, but neither is life in general. I'll take my happily married state over this kind of "marriage bashing" article any day of the week!
redtail Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 ... This, to me, is NOTHING like marriage. Is marriage always (as my daughter says) "whooo-hooo"? Nope, but neither is life in general. I'll take my happily married state over this kind of "marriage bashing" article any day of the week! I think (at least I agree ) you hit the nail on the head HsMomma! Life is not always "whooo-hooo" so why would human relationships ever guarantee constant "whooo-hooo"? I think the person that can have a long term perspective of their relationships gains more than those that give up when times get rough. I know that there are going to be ups and downs and I'll take the "downs" since I know the "ups" more than make up for it.
HsMomma Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I think (at least I agree ) you hit the nail on the head HsMomma! Life is not always "whooo-hooo" so why would human relationships ever guarantee constant "whooo-hooo"? I think the person that can have a long term perspective of their relationships gains more than those that give up when times get rough. I know that there are going to be ups and downs and I'll take the "downs" since I know the "ups" more than make up for it. Sorry - I realize the "whooo hoo" isn't exactly a technical term but it does describe things fairly well, huh? I'm with you - I know there will be ups & downs...again, that's just life, but like you, redtail, the ups more than make up for the downs. After all, there needs to be balance in the world, right? Without the downs, the ups would mean nothing in & of themselves.
silktricks Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Hey and let's throw in a twist, the men here are outwardly perfect husbands, but have no interest in sex. The women are all attractive, intelligent, sexually exciting and ridiculous catches, stuck in marriages of covenience. QUOTE] Perfect husbands? Are you KIDDING???? I wouldn't spend a single moment in their company. They are BORING individuals who have turned their energy into empty vanities. I'd rather be with a lumberjack who's at least still got a libido and a yen for something real. The writer needs to get herself some friends who have had an honest emotion sometime in the last two years. As for marriage, to assess it's health or failure on the society portrayed in the article is like saying that people don't need to be thrifty because the banks failed. There really is no correlation. I personally am a firm believer in the idea that love makes the world go round, and marriage is the embodiment of that love. I love being married to my husband, as I love my husband.
HsMomma Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I personally am a firm believer in the idea that love makes the world go round, and marriage is the embodiment of that love. I love being married to my husband, as I love my husband. I'm with ya there, Silk!
Toodamnpragmatic Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Hey and let's throw in a twist, the men here are outwardly perfect husbands, but have no interest in sex. The women are all attractive, intelligent, sexually exciting and ridiculous catches, stuck in marriages of covenience. QUOTE] Perfect husbands? Are you KIDDING???? I wouldn't spend a single moment in their company. They are BORING individuals who have turned their energy into empty vanities. I'd rather be with a lumberjack who's at least still got a libido and a yen for something real. The writer needs to get herself some friends who have had an honest emotion sometime in the last two years. As for marriage, to assess it's health or failure on the society portrayed in the article is like saying that people don't need to be thrifty because the banks failed. There really is no correlation. I personally am a firm believer in the idea that love makes the world go round, and marriage is the embodiment of that love. I love being married to my husband, as I love my husband. Sorry I should have sad "outwardly appearing perfect husbands"..... They are far from perfect, though right for the article..... Add to that the single, 45 yo violinist with a ravenous sexual appetite and paramours everywhere.... How cliche.....
Author tami-chan Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 ;2249616]... The women are all attractive, intelligent, sexually exciting and ridiculous catches, stuck in marriages of covenience.... Just like the many women on LS? I have yet to read a woman describe herself as...average-looking, with an average-paying job, who was never popular with the opposite sex before marriage....etc....Most are gorgeous, highly successful in their careers, had their fair share of men fawning over them...etc.etc...
Toodamnpragmatic Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Just like the many women on LS? I have yet to read a woman describe herself as...average-looking, with an average-paying job, who was never popular with the opposite sex before marriage....etc....Most are gorgeous, highly successful in their careers, had their fair share of men fawning over them...etc.etc... Should I believe that is you in your avatar???? You then fit the description of all the women on LS;). I saw the writer on MSNBC. She was well put together, but no head turner.... Of course she admitted to affairs too.... The best is if you ever watch Cheaters late at night. A train wreck if there ever was one and how singularly unattractive all are on that show....
Author tami-chan Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Should I believe that is you in your avatar???? You then fit the description of all the women on LS;). I saw the writer on MSNBC. She was well put together, but no head turner.... Of course she admitted to affairs too.... The best is if you ever watch Cheaters late at night. A train wreck if there ever was one and how singularly unattractive all are on that show.... Omg..I would never say I am all that on the board, but at home in front of my big mirror I sing karaoke-"Unforgettable" (richer in my heavy asian accent ) pointing at my reflection ....haha...I am a petite, Asian (don't we, Asian women, all look alike ?) who is a bad driver (yup, I fit the stereotype---Angry driver: "where did you learn to drive? Beijing????"...LOL...my answer: "nope, silly....Tokyo!". LOL!!!!!)
sunnylu Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Sadly, I think it's kind of true. We're not penguins afterall. If someone has a magic method to make marriage "work" please share it. From my experience....it's just plain difficult........no matter how positive you try to be.... you cannot control the attitude or actions of the person you chose to marry. No, you can't. It can be a losing battle. I've NEVER seen or heard of a marriage without struggle. In my heart of hearts though, I strongly believe we are on this earth to LOVE. Maybe not a monogamous love but a genuine love....whatever that really looks like.
HsMomma Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Sadly, I think it's kind of true. We're not penguins afterall. If someone has a magic method to make marriage "work" please share it. From my experience....it's just plain difficult........no matter how positive you try to be.... you cannot control the attitude or actions of the person you chose to marry. No, you can't. It can be a losing battle. I've NEVER seen or heard of a marriage without struggle. In my heart of hearts though, I strongly believe we are on this earth to LOVE. Maybe not a monogamous love but a genuine love....whatever that really looks like. Sunny, there is no "magic method" to making marriage work...it takes communication, genuine respect between the partners, communication, LIKING (at least most of the time ) each other, communication and being able to compromise at times. No, you can't "control" anything about another person & truthfully, would you want to? I mean, visions of Big Brother come to mind with that statement. I myself would never want to be controlled by another person, so in turn wouldn't try to do that to my husband. You say you'rve never seen or heard of a marriage without struggle...let me just say this...there is NO relationship between two people that doesn't have struggles (i.e. parent/child, friends, lovers, etc.) - that's just plain life. What a genuine love looks like to me is this: it is based on respect for who and what the other person is, a caring of what that person is feeling, looking to be the best partner you can be, and having all those things reciprocated. Does that mean there'll never be bumps in the road? Of course not! But, it IS possible - I live it daily with my husband. Call me "lucky" or call me "blessed" or call me whatever you like...but at the end of the day, those are the things we both count on in each other. And, it's genuine.
HsMomma Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Should I believe that is you in your avatar???? . Hey TDP - that's me on my avatar - aren't I adorable?!
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