Justine1980 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I have been with my husband for seven years, and we've been married for two of those seven years. He recently told me that "I don't do it" for him anymore and that he loves me but is not in love with me. We have two beautiful children aged 5 and 2. Our relationship has always been rocky but I thought that when he asked me to marry him that he had somehow become a changed man. The marriage was great for a time, he stopped drinking (he has a problem with liquor) and did everything that a committed man does when he is interested in his wife and family. No outside friends, coming home after work, if he went out he came home at a decent hour, etc. Recently, we have been hit with some really hard financial woes. I am a stay at home mom which is what THE TWO OF US agreed to. He has had illness in the family that has caused him to spend money going back and forth to Detroit. Not only that, but his checks have been reduced because he got a dui and the Navy busted him down. I offered to go back to work and he told me that no he would fix his mess himself. I have offered many times in the past to work, but he always had some excuse. Can't work overnite because someone might kill me, can't work a truck stop because I might get harassed, so I stood with my hands tied watching him go into this downward spiral. The kicker: Like I said, he recently told me I don't do it for him anymore, that I need to stop up my "game" because he is getting tired, tired, tired. Lo and behold, he has been talking since April to some girl who he was seeing as a teenager. They dated for two years and she got pregnant at 15. She told him she got an aboirtion, but it was a lie. She kept the child and has recently told him 13 years after the fact. She claims she did not tell him because she did not want to mess up his navy career. How effing noble. She found him on myspace (which is why I hate myspace) and they began the rapport that way. He told me today just a few hours ago that he loves her. He has always loved her and that he was going to be with her. Nevermind wanting. he was GOING. I am extremely hurt, and disappointed. i have no idea what to do. Why did he do this and what makes her so freaking great that he is willing to up and walk away from me and his true legit children (he has yet to take a paternity test) and be with her and this supposed "love child" and her FOUR other kids by some other man, a husband I think. She has yet to file for a divorce on her part. WTF. If he loves her so much, then what was the past seven years and kids with me? Something to do? He was married before me to ANOTHER woman which ended in divorce. He used to beat the crap out of her and cheat on her and he has done the same to me. He has hit and choked me once and cheated on me repeatedly. He curses at our children because that's how he was raised, and one time went as far as calling them motherf'ers. What is wrong with him? Will he be for this "long lost love" and bastard of his what he was not for me and our children, much less his other wife? He acts like leaving me will be the answer to his financial woes and other woes in between and that she's got sunshine firing out of her ugly butt. I have seen her picture. Someone please give me some insight on my broken, broken heart. Thank you to anyone who will read and respond.
Ronni_W Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Justine, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I wish I did, but I don't have any insight into your husband's selfish, violent, immature behaviour. You did not deserved to be abused by him, and you do not deserve to be treated this way. And neither did/do your children. Perhaps you can find out what community resources are available to you, to help you regain your esteem, confidence and strength? Your kids are going to need all of that from you...and you need to be that for yourself. Sending big hugs.
TaraMaiden Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Forget it. Forget everything and focus instead on how lucky you are he is leaving!! Oh my goodness, you are off the hook! File at once for divorce, and get child support sorted out! He's violent, egotistic, selfish and heartless - and she can have him! he's walking out of something good into a complete nightmare! Well, let him. His problem. Your main focus now is you and your children. Call your family immediately, tell them what's happened and tell them you need help - and fast. look to all the practical things you need to do. Hang it together for your children, don't fall apart! Stay strong, and come in and let us know how things go.... But if he wants out - then don't hold him back!
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