ryanrabl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 This forum has tremendously opened my eyes to reality.There were times where I thought I was the only one going through such grief.. felt as though there was nobody on this Earth as hurt as I was. If you read my thread..my fiancee left me for another man . This has been the HARDEST 5 months EVER but you know what? It is nice starting from scratch and essentially reinventing myself. When my ex broke up with me, I was a mess:I lost 25 lbs,failed my Biochem final and lived like a zombie. I was in such horrible shape that my friends started force feeding me. By reading these forums, I see that grieving is normal and acceptable-maybe not to that extent. I overanalyzed everything,I asked her too come back-I gave her all my power. If there was one thing I regret..it was giving her the ego boost. I know there are many out there wo ar going through the "motions" and the ups and downs but it will all subside. A break up is like demolishing a building using TNT..you cant see clearly because of the dust and debris in the air. However,once the dust has cleared everything just seems too make sense.You will begin to think with your brain and less with your heart. My break up was like a puzzle..it took a while to get all the pieces together but once I did I realized that this was for the better. Why would I want a girl who will be swayed by another man so easily.She told me she loved me unconditionally everyday..but actions speak louder than words.Do I have a bruised ego?F*&k yah!However,I have some form of self value and so should you.I realized how much I did for her and respected her..why should I invest energy into somebody who wont TRULY love me back. These are a few things I have done that will help you cope with your break up. -CRY-I cried for the first time last week after putting all of her memoribilia away..cry until you ask yourself "Is this person really worth it?"..Boy I felt good afterwards. -Exercise-Whenever I go the gym I concentrate on exercising. When you workout and get that pump look into the mirror and say "He /she doesn't deserve this". -Take a shower-Unorthodox,however,it is very therapeutic and can help you think things through. -Get your vitamins!Magnesium and Potassium make you happy!!Eat a banana -Think about YOU-Dont worry about your ex's new toy..get yourself improved to the point where you can date.Get a haircut and some new threads..man you will feel different. -DELETE THEM OFF YOUR FACEBOOK/MYSPACE/TWITTER DONT STALK THEM..it will do nothing but hurt you badly every time..i am speaking from experience. -Cut contact with them- but not too get them back..but to move on.You might think you can't live without them..HAHA youll surprise yourself believe me. -Get out the house-Good friends are more valuable than gold..i cannot stress to you how important they are.They will distract you from your pain and if you go out..who knows who you will meet. I,like most of you ,still go through the motions but I feel much better. Whenever I have thoughts about her..I just think of how much she hurt me and all her faults. I still love her..but she wasnt the one for me.The last thing I can leave you with is this.. Relationships are alot like owning a car. You never forget your first car..EVER. However,every car after that is an upgrade over the last one..you tend too realize what you want out of your cars (very much like a relationship) and you look for it in your next purchase.You upgrade until you reach a point and say hmm I really like this BMW 3 series..and you stick with that car (SO). LOL.Rebounds can also be attributed to cars. When your car is broken down (relationship) you rent a car too drive around till you either buy another one, right?It is just a transition phase-you dont keep the rental car-you just use it for its services until you find the next car. Temporary. Live.Learn.Cry.Laugh..its life..the love of our lives are out there..somewhere..hang in there! If you need someone to talk to..im here for you.
I_Wonder Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 You are o so right. My ex left me after four years when i found out about a 6 month affair he'd been keeping from me and our families. I was trying to figure out WHY?!?! for the first couple of weeks and lost my appetite completely (I'm still trying to get it back). I cried and cried and one day it just hit me...maybe we weren't meant for each other. I don't know why this helped me so much but it did. It helps me let go of false hope..which i still have but I don't dwell on it. I just telling myself that if it is meant to be, he will come back and he will be a better man because of this whole ordeal. heck, we might even have a stronger relationship if he comes back a year or so later. in the meantime, i've been trying to enjoy myself. I have gone out with friends of the opposite sex that I had been neglecting. I realized that I could have fun and actually laugh again! I am taking this time to reflect on myself and work on little habits of mine. IF..and its a big if..my ex comes back..i may not even want him. Now that really helps me smile. I am slowly realizing that life will and does go on without him and I don't need him at all! I still have my moments and sometimes days though! You can't turn emotions on and off. I was really in love with my ex so its hard to let go and forget about someone ( the hurt, the love, the joy that came with being cuddled) after a four year relationship.
Rucksack72 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I wish god would crush my brains so I dont have to feel this hurts anymore..
Exit Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Your analogy to cars is funny but true. Deep down I know every single time I've been dumped I've taken it hard, but a short time later I found someone ten times better. Even though I know this, it's hard to believe it right now. I'd love to sit here calmly and know that something better is headed my way, but the last girl was so great I can't imagine finding better. But I do try to remind myself that every time this happens, I do end up "upgrading". Working out is also a great help, my lifts have increased more than they ever have and I get a kick out of wondering if her next boyfriend would be able to lift half the weight I'm throwing around. =P
ON MY OWN Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 This forum has tremendously opened my eyes to reality.There were times where I thought I was the only one going through such grief.. felt as though there was nobody on this Earth as hurt as I was. If you read my thread..my fiancee left me for another man . This has been the HARDEST 5 months EVER but you know what? It is nice starting from scratch and essentially reinventing myself. When my ex broke up with me, I was a mess:I lost 25 lbs,failed my Biochem final and lived like a zombie. I was in such horrible shape that my friends started force feeding me. By reading these forums, I see that grieving is normal and acceptable-maybe not to that extent. I overanalyzed everything,I asked her too come back-I gave her all my power. If there was one thing I regret..it was giving her the ego boost. I know there are many out there wo ar going through the "motions" and the ups and downs but it will all subside. A break up is like demolishing a building using TNT..you cant see clearly because of the dust and debris in the air. However,once the dust has cleared everything just seems too make sense.You will begin to think with your brain and less with your heart. My break up was like a puzzle..it took a while to get all the pieces together but once I did I realized that this was for the better. Why would I want a girl who will be swayed by another man so easily.She told me she loved me unconditionally everyday..but actions speak louder than words.Do I have a bruised ego?F*&k yah!However,I have some form of self value and so should you.I realized how much I did for her and respected her..why should I invest energy into somebody who wont TRULY love me back. These are a few things I have done that will help you cope with your break up. -CRY-I cried for the first time last week after putting all of her memoribilia away..cry until you ask yourself "Is this person really worth it?"..Boy I felt good afterwards. -Exercise-Whenever I go the gym I concentrate on exercising. When you workout and get that pump look into the mirror and say "He /she doesn't deserve this". -Take a shower-Unorthodox,however,it is very therapeutic and can help you think things through. -Get your vitamins!Magnesium and Potassium make you happy!!Eat a banana -Think about YOU-Dont worry about your ex's new toy..get yourself improved to the point where you can date.Get a haircut and some new threads..man you will feel different. -DELETE THEM OFF YOUR FACEBOOK/MYSPACE/TWITTER DONT STALK THEM..it will do nothing but hurt you badly every time..i am speaking from experience. -Cut contact with them- but not too get them back..but to move on.You might think you can't live without them..HAHA youll surprise yourself believe me. -Get out the house-Good friends are more valuable than gold..i cannot stress to you how important they are.They will distract you from your pain and if you go out..who knows who you will meet. I,like most of you ,still go through the motions but I feel much better. Whenever I have thoughts about her..I just think of how much she hurt me and all her faults. I still love her..but she wasnt the one for me.The last thing I can leave you with is this.. Relationships are alot like owning a car. You never forget your first car..EVER. However,every car after that is an upgrade over the last one..you tend too realize what you want out of your cars (very much like a relationship) and you look for it in your next purchase.You upgrade until you reach a point and say hmm I really like this BMW 3 series..and you stick with that car (SO). LOL.Rebounds can also be attributed to cars. When your car is broken down (relationship) you rent a car too drive around till you either buy another one, right?It is just a transition phase-you dont keep the rental car-you just use it for its services until you find the next car. Temporary. Live.Learn.Cry.Laugh..its life..the love of our lives are out there..somewhere..hang in there! If you need someone to talk to..im here for you. Great post!! I just got finished fully leaving my ex fiance that broke up with me mid April. I unloaded a full Uhaul and am wiped out. I am heartbroken. I am looking at LS b4 I go to bed. Your email really hit the spot, couldnt have posted it at a better time for me to see it. Maybe you can read my post "Trading one fiance for another". We should compare notes. Take care, keep a smile!!!!:)OMO
Author ryanrabl Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I_Wonder:I go through the same motions..I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes expecting her too be at my side..or wish I can have someone to even watch a film with.Although I am doing things on my own,I felt alone at first.It felt weird doing things by myself...but now I totally embrace it.You know you are emotionaly healthy (and independent) when you can enjoy your own company. Exit:Working out is a total ego boost!I now go to the gym twice a day and I have gained so much strength.I got a haircut,changed my wardrobe and I feel like a new person.I keep telling myself ""haha if my ex saw me now she is gonna regret losing me"..her loss. Rucksack:Everybody goes through that period.You probably wont believe me now.I now exactely how it feels when everything you thought was right was wrong..everything that was black is now white.I know that youre world has been shaken.Trust me go NC..and embrace yourself.TIME WILL HEAL..if you need someone to talk to..I am here for you! ON MY OWN:I love your username btw!I am glad my post served you some comfort.I willread your post as well.I know the hurt you are going through..especially when you are engaged with the person you are expecting to spend the rest of your life with.You seem to have taken a good first step leaving..good for you.If you ever want to message me or talk about things..we can talk about it.We are in the same boat and we should all help each other out
ON MY OWN Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I_Wonder:I go through the same motions..I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes expecting her too be at my side..or wish I can have someone to even watch a film with.Although I am doing things on my own,I felt alone at first.It felt weird doing things by myself...but now I totally embrace it.You know you are emotionaly healthy (and independent) when you can enjoy your own company. Exit:Working out is a total ego boost!I now go to the gym twice a day and I have gained so much strength.I got a haircut,changed my wardrobe and I feel like a new person.I keep telling myself ""haha if my ex saw me now she is gonna regret losing me"..her loss. Rucksack:Everybody goes through that period.You probably wont believe me now.I now exactely how it feels when everything you thought was right was wrong..everything that was black is now white.I know that youre world has been shaken.Trust me go NC..and embrace yourself.TIME WILL HEAL..if you need someone to talk to..I am here for you! ON MY OWN:I love your username btw!I am glad my post served you some comfort.I willread your post as well.I know the hurt you are going through..especially when you are engaged with the person you are expecting to spend the rest of your life with.You seem to have taken a good first step leaving..good for you.If you ever want to message me or talk about things..we can talk about it.We are in the same boat and we should all help each other out ryanrabl:Thank you for the compliment! Id like to message with you. I know this site has an IM, havent navigated it yet. Are you familiar with this part of the site? I agree on helping eachother, thats for sure!! I feel really good these days, all my stuff is out of the OLD place!!! YAY!! All those things were a great idea on taking special care of yourself, I have been doing a ton of that stuff and I feel so much better! ( Human was first, better was second, LOL ) How are you feeling? I hope good, you seem really nice. Looking forward to messaging with you. We are only getting:bunny: stronger :bunny:as each day and week passes. I def hope others can learn from our pain. Never let their foolishness get the best of us, like you said self value is HUGE!! Keep a smile ~ OMO ~
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