too soon?

[lap561]

It's been about a month since my stbx told me she wants a divorce. She has already admitted that she wants to see other people, she don't feel any guilt about breaking our marriage and that she is ready to move on. I'm not at fault at all. She just changed a lot, physically, emotionally and mentally. We haven't done any paper work yet and we still live in the same house. Finance and kids are what keep us under one roof.

 

Because I have this empty feeling inside every time I think about her or fun moments we had, I needed to do something to get her off my mind. Exercising and talking to friends are only temporary. It feels good for a few moments but then when it's time to go to bed or when I wake up in the morning, she's what's on my mind.

 

Right now I feel like I'm being treated as a doormat as I'm always stuck with the kids while she works a lot or do whatever she wants after work. I want to find new people to hang out with; get an excuse to get out of the house. All of my friends are either married or in a relationship already. So I decided to sign up at match.com just to see what it's like. I have to admit that I'm excited about it. Is this wrong?

[now_what]

That's funny. I just signed up for it too. My circumstance is a little different. My ex left me after 30 years of marriage to create a new life for himself. That was just last September and he has already remarried - the woman he was cheating on me with.

 

I just felt so lonely the other night and my children were both gone for the weekend and I thought that it would be nice to meet some people, just for friendship at this point - so I created a profile. A couple of people have read my profile and expressed interest, but I did not subscribe yet, so I couldn't see who they are. I think I will take that last step and pay the money. I'm curious, but a little scared.

 

As for your situation, it sounds like your stbx has checked out of the marriage emotionally at least - kind of like what my ex did. Personally, I think it would be quite awkward seeing other people while technically you are still together and in the same house, I'm not sure how you would handle it. Have you tried to get her to go to marriage counseling? If understand the loneliness and wanting to meet other people, but since it is so soon, I think I would hold off in your case. But, if she has started to see others and you think there is no hope of reconcilliation, it only seems fair that you could see others too, but who would be with your children if you are both out? You need to think of how this situation is affecting them too, you don't want them to think both parents have lost it. They need to have some source of stability. At least that is how I look at the situation. My ex snuck out of the house leaving me and my 16 year old daughter alone. I have made a point of being there for her emotionally and physically, so she will know that she has someone she can always rely on. Now that some time has gone by, I can see that she is doing well and feel like I can begin to branch out a bit for myself.

 

Good luck in your situation and take care.

[Ronni_W]

If you feel ready to meet new people in a one-on-one situation, then it's not "wrong". At the same time, using other people as an excuse to get out of the house isn't too humane. Also, as now_what says, discretion about your dating life would be a good thing, as far as your kids are concerned.

I want to find new people to hang out with; get an excuse to get out of the house.

There are different ways than dating, to accomplish that. Volunteer, join a 3D divorce support group, or book or nature lovers' club, sign up for a class in...anything -- meditation, photography, Thai cooking, creative writing, Chinese language.

 

Unleash your own imagination and choose something that will be really fun and fulfilling for you!

[door-mat]

i think if you find it exciting it cant be wrong. good luck!!