I_Wonder Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 So here is what happened to my relationship and yes it is long. My ex and I got together during his senior year of high school. We had our little arguments here and there but always made up. He'd come and see me almost every other weekend that we were together. During our four year relationship we wouldn't go too long without seeing each other. When I went off to college I ended up being an hour away from him so we would go back and forth to see each other on the weekends. Our families got along and would allow both of us to spend the night at each others; houses over the breaks. His mom would even ask if I wanted to spend the night when she wouldn't be home. Our families started to become close, talk about us getting married, and even planned a trip to Vegas together for his college graduation. So during his senior year ( fall of 2008) I noticed some changes. He started taking stuff off of his facebook page telling me that he just didn't want people all in his business. I had no reason to not trust him so I said ok. At the same time, I moved off campus and got an apartment. He started coming to see me and told me that he preferred to come see me because he liked getting away from his dorm. I thought nothing of it because he said people were always getting kicked out of his suite. When the spring rolled around, I really started to suspect things. We would have conversations about our subtle differences in opinion. In February, we started to talk about it more since we realized that we were in this for the long run and didn't want any differences to bite us in the butt later on. I started asking him if he thought we needed to break up and he didn't think so. I got the hint that he did though. The day before V-Day he broke up with me! Saying he didn't think I was happy. Then that night he was callin and saying that he still wanted to drive to see me and drop off my gift. I said that was fine. He came over the next morning and burst into my bedroom crying while i was getting ready. He was saying how much he couldn't imagine his life without me and he made a mistake when he broke up with me. We tried to go out, but he just kept crying so we had to do take out. He didn't bring clothes so he left that night and came back the next day. Then in march, the day before his bday he started coming clean about some things. He told me about how he cheated on me during the first two years of our relationship with two girls (talking that led to one night stands and then he'd cut it off), how he'd been to the strip club, and danced with other females in the club. It caught me off guard but he said he hadn't cheated on me in the last two years because he'd grown up and didn't want to do that anymore. He said that cheated wasn't all that it was cracked up to be and sex wasn't good unless it was with someone you loved. I went to his place for his birthday and the next day he broke up with me! He said that he didn't think he was the bf i needed at that point. He couldn't imagine his life without me so he wanted to be friends and hopefully work on things so we might be able to get back together in the future. I would always ask him if he still wanted to get back together periodically to see where things stood. I loved him and wanted to get back together. During this period, someone told me they heard he had another gf and was happy with her and didn't want me back. When I confronted him aobut it, he denied it and called to fuss the person out who said it. He said that it wasn't true at all that he didn't want me. So his graduation came and my family went with his family. We spent mother's day together and left for vegas monday morning. I asked him in vegas if he was seeing someone else and again he kept reassuring me he wasn't. we got back from vegas and something just kept tellin me he was lying. i went in his phone and got the number of a girl he told me was a friend but he'd stopped talking to because i wasn't comfortable with it. i just knew if he had a gf that this was her. after vegas, i helped him move into his new apartment the next day and even picked out his new mattress with him. the next day i drove back home and called and told him he needed to come clean about everything. he was still denying everything! i told him i'd call the girl and thats when he started to fess up! he said he started talking to her after we broke up in march but i knew that was a lie. i called the girl anyways and left a message. thats when he started saying that we needed to go our separate ways and forget about each other...after i found out about the girl! WTF?!?! i did some digging and found out he had been seeing some freshman since last october!!!!! he'd been having an affair with some young girl for six months! i was furious and asked him to explain to me why he was living a double life and couldnt just come clean and break up with me from the beginning. he said he didnt want to talk about it. since then i have gone NC. that all happened about a month ago, but i made those few mistakes of trying to get him to answer me so the NC has only been going on for 7 days. I still don't know what in the world happened and why he was lying for so long. I kept askin him to be honest with me if he didn't want to be with me. He was the one crying about how he couldn't imagine his life without me and saying there was hope that we would get back together. I'm still confused but trying to move on. I am not going to lie though, I wonder sometimes if he will try to come back once he realizes he is messing with some little girl. He has graduated and started a new career about 1.5 hours away from her. She has three more years of college left so i just dont see how that is going to work out. I still love him but i have fallen out of love with him since the lies were just so horrible. UGH...WHY?!?!?!?
Exit Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Wow, you are willing to put up with a lot. Many people would have been long gone after finding out about the first TWO TIMES he cheated. He can't imagine his life without you because he knows he won't find someone else who he can cheat on multiple times and get away with it. You are being his doormat. And I know we are all guilty of doing that for the people that we love, but you need to realize you are worth better. Honestly some people deserve another chance even after cheating, but this guy doesn't sound like one of them. He hasn't learned his lesson.
Author I_Wonder Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 yea he told me in march and two days later we broke up. i stayed because he came clean about everything and sounded honestly remorseful. he said he had lost his mind and sense then grew up and realize it was stupid. i know people make mistakes so i thought i'd give him a second chance by going through the break and staying his "friend" even though we still acted like bf and gf. the last string of lies ( the whole affair and his attempt to cover it up) blew me away. i will never be able to fully get over that one at all. it would take a whole lot for me to even consider being an associate of his if he ever tried to come back into my life.
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