mrule12311 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Im new to this forum, and i looked through quite a few threads that had some releveance to my problem but i would like some personal advice... I'm 17 and i've been with my girlfriend for 4 months... Everything was going great, and we both seemed perfectly happy, but in the past month and a half she has been accusing me of cheating on her atleast every 2 weeks if nto more. Anytime i dont answer the phone, call her back, or reply to her text messages within 5 minutes, she automaticaly assumes i was with another girl, she thinks im trying to have sex with her best friend who is 13 (i might date younger than me but not that much). Me and her dated about 2 years ago, and it lasted for about 3 months before she decided she wanted to get back with her ex boyfriend. I know shes insecure and self concious, and i make sure that any time he feels bad i explain to her just how much she means to me and how beautiful she really is, but then she accuses me of lieing to make her feel better. She seems to have major trust issues because of her previous relationships. Now onto what confuses me. Anytime i talk to a female, whether it be asking for a lighter from a stranger, or contacting an old friend on myspace, she hinks im trying to cheat, even when i make it known i spoke/messaged the person. 3 days ago she exploded and accused me of cheatin on her because my father left a brush in my car... I understand it looked suspicious, but the brush was full of grey hair... come on. Then later that night she went to hang out with her ex boyfriend who she had dated on and off for the past 2 years. I thought it was odd but i didnt say anything, because i trust her enough to know she wouldnt cheat on me, but then she got extremely defensive about how they didnt do anything and how she slapped him for touching her leg, again odd but i thought nothing of it. In between the brush incident and her hanging with her ex, i contacted her best freind via yahoo messenger because my girlfriend refused to speak with me, and i asked her freind to talk to her and see what was bothering her... and because of that, im cheating on her.... because of her past i cant blame her for having trust issues, but this is getting too extreme, i really care about this girl, and i dont wanna break up with her, but i cant take all of this drama... Do you guys think theres anything i can do to fix the situation? Or should I break up with her and hope in time she can learn to trust me?
Lyssa Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Then later that night she went to hang out with her ex boyfriend who she had dated on and off for the past 2 years. I thought it was odd but i didnt say anything, because i trust her enough to know she wouldnt cheat on me, but then she got extremely defensive about how they didnt do anything and how she slapped him for touching her leg, again odd but i thought nothing of it. It worries me that she gets extremely defensive when she talks about hanging out with her ex. As for the brush, mann that's just too much. For heaven's sake, don't tell me she thinks you're cheating on her with an old, grey-haired woman!
hoping2heal Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Make sure what appears like "insane amount of insecurities" isn't her guilty conscience speaking. I have a friend who has gained access to all her fiances p/w for online things, monitors the phone bill, and freaks out at him if he doesn't call a certain amount of times etc. In reality, she's cheated on him behind his back, she's had flirting and continuous communicationw ith a few other guys, who don't know she has a bf. And she's signed up on dating sites behind his back. She always tells him she's worried because she's been hurt in the past etc. So he thinks she's just being insecure, but in reality I think it's just her guilty conscience. I'd make sure that isn't happening here.
love2dance Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 How old is your girlfriend? 14? Maybe you should stick with girls in the same grade as you in school-they might be a bit more mature..
Author mrule12311 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 How old is your girlfriend? 14? Maybe you should stick with girls in the same grade as you in school-they might be a bit more mature.. How'd u know? i've been tryin to meet people my age or over but youd be suprised how difficult it is with my past, everyone in the city knows me for my criminal record, and the entire country has heard about one of my cases (ever hear of the 3 kids in humble texas who tried to turn a skull into a bong?) i've known this girl since i was 14, and as awkward as it is too say shes just as demented as me, the problem is everyone i spoke to before my little news incident wants nothing to do with me, and everyone else i meet finds out about it from someone and then refuses to speak to me, i know its my fault because i did what i did, but with something like this theres really no way to prove that i've changed, but she is really the only person i can still talk to after this, and probably the only person in a 50 mile radius still willing to date me... she doesnt idolize me for what i did like most of the Goth/Emo/Scene people int he area, i dont like labeling people but when you live in suburbia its hard to avoid, and i cant be with someone who thinks im wierd because of the things inside my head. I knew the age was going to present a problem from the begining, and i've been telling myself everything i can to justify it.... i'd rather be with her and illegal (i turn 18 in august she turns 15 in july) then to be single and hated until shes legal i know the descision is mine, but do you guys/girls think being with one of the only people who dont think your a freak is worth the risk of going to jail?
subdued Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I used to be scared that my significant other would cheat on me. Well. When he did, I knew it right away. There are two ways to tell whether or not a guy is cheating. 1. The smell. A woman can smell another woman's sent when her guy is cheating. It's smells like a stinky bomb when it is on her guy. A guy can take a shower, but the smell still permeates his clothes. He can put his clothes in the hamper, but the smell comes out every time the lid on the hamper is opened. 2. The lies. A guy who is cheating will start lying. The lies will grow and grow until everything he says is a lie. Now that I know how to tell whether or not my guy is cheating, I don't worry about it.
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 How old is your girlfriend? 14? Maybe you should stick with girls in the same grade as you in school-they might be a bit more mature.. I just LOL'd so hard when he wrote "how did you know" and he was being serious. Oh snap .
Author mrule12311 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I just LOL'd so hard when he wrote "how did you know" and he was being serious. Oh snap . any other time id be laughing too but right now i could really use some advice
love2dance Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 any other time id be laughing too but right now i could really use some advice My advice to you is to get some counseling. Forget about girlfriends or what people think of you and just get yourself together.
motive2002 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Make sure what appears like "insane amount of insecurities" isn't her guilty conscience speaking. This is exactly what I was thinking. She's iffy about her time with the ex-boyfriend and constantly accusing you of cheating. This is a definite red flag in my opinion. The good news is that you're young, and should you decide to end it with this flaky, insecure 14-year old you'll be able to bounce back in no time at all.
mental_traveller Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 i dont wanna break up with her, but i cant take all of this drama... It's either or. Either you stick around and take the drama, or you break up with her. I strongly recommend the latter. She is unlikely to change her tune. She suffers from extreme irrational jealousy, probably due to insecurity or guilt from her own possible cheating (many paranoid/jealous types are doing so because they are cheating themselves). That behaviour doesn't disappear because you ask politely. There are lots of girls who *aren't* irrationally jealous, aren't drama queens, are better looking and better in bed, and overall nicer personalities than your current girlfriend. Dump her and find someone better.
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