dreamticket Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 im new to this forum and would really appreciate some impartial advice! ive got something really special in my life but at the same time im scared that im going to destroy what ive got through my own insecurities. Right here goes! * ive been with a girl for nearly 8 months - she chased after me last autumn, i wasnt ready or interested and knocked her back several times * eventually last november i agreed to go out with her - for the first four months i was quite casual, didnt treat her too well (not ringing, turning up late etc) and she was definitely more bothered about the relationship than i was - i feel terrible about all this now * around march i started to feel differently and realised that i really liked her and wanted to be with her big time - she went away for two weeks to south africa and i really missed her * as i realised i really liked her a whole host of insecurities emerged which to this day threaten to ruin it all * first the good news - i am certain that she loves me, she tells me it frequently and waited until may (6 months in) before saying it. she has told her parents about me and sent them a photo (they live overseas) we get on well, sex is good, we are physically compatible, when spending time together everything is great, we went away to munich for five days and got on brilliantly! we are going away together to greece for 3 and a half weeks in the summer and ive even booked a flight to south africa next december to meet her family * all sounds great doesnt it? now the problems: - we work together, both teachers and as assistant principal i am effectively her boss - she wont put any photos of us together or our holidays or anything connected to us on facebook. When i ask her about it she says she doesnt want teachers at school talking about us. yesterday when i saw a nice photo of us i said when will we see that and she replied 'dont pressurise me, give me time' - this kind of gets to me - there are loads of photos of her past on facebook with other people but no evidence or record of me, as if i dont exist. am i not good enough? am i embarrassing? why is she not keen to show me off etc? though her profile says "in a relationship" it doesnt mention me by name. - thing is - most the teachers know we are together so whats the big deal? i just feel like im not part of her life by not being on there. SO please i need your help - forgive my ramblings. Some of my friends (espcially male) say forget it, you dont want private pics on there anyway, dont worry about it my female friends tend to agree with my worries and that it would make them paranoid etc... who is right? i just feel that someone looking at the site would never know about me as if i dont exist am i right to worry? do i talk to her about it? (i have done so and it tends to lead to a row cos i get tense) sometimes i think im being silly - she tells me that she is serious about us being together and has even said that she can see us spending the rest of our lives together........so why does this silly facebook issue bother me so much???
hoping2heal Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 She doesn't want your relationship to become psuedo-tabloid fodder for her work environment. I think there is nothing wrong with it, and don't blame her. Buck up bart. YOU may be just fine with it, but you are the boss here, she is not. Why does FB bother you so much? Because you're in a selfish phase right now. The only thing you can think of is what suits you. She has perfectly valid reasons for not wanting to post about the two of you in a place where everyone may have access, and the only thing you can think of through the entire thing is YOUR feelings. If you love this girl, you will learn to start thinking of how things will affect HER instead of it being about you always.
Lyssa Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Your GF just wants her personal life to be personal. I think it's good enough that she put her status as "in a relationship". I would question if she didn't, then again some people are just paranoid that way - they don't feel the need to disclose their status.
jerbear Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Some of my friends (espcially male) say forget it, you dont want private pics on there anyway, dont worry about it I agree with this one. sometimes i think im being silly - she tells me that she is serious about us being together and has even said that she can see us spending the rest of our lives together........so why does this silly facebook issue bother me so much??? You want some public acknowledgment that a relationship exists and is in her public life. Some people keep relationships private and discounted when they are married. Working together and having a FB account disclose such a relationship can be detrimental to both careers.
Lucky_One Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Schools are gossipy little work environments. If I were a teacher, i wouldn't be putting pictures up of me and my assistant principal in personal situations, unless possibly we were engaged. The last thing you want is for someone to go complain to the principal or the superintendent that you two are behaving inappropriately and that you don't assign her bus duty as often or that you spend time in your office with the door closed - she is just taking away one thing for jealous or disgruntled co-workers to use as evidence against you. The R sounds great. Don't sabotage it over something as inane as FB.
pandagirl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I think you should take it as a compliment that she wants to keep your relationship private and safe in your work environment! Believe me, you don't want your coworkers gossiping about you.
mr.dream merchant Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Lucky One is right. Insecurities can painfully kill your relationship. I'm learning that lesson firsthand.
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