NopeNah Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I second the "NC" for the family..that seems stalker'ish to me.
Author Exit Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Yes I'm aware calling her mom wasn't appropriate, although the times I have talked to her mom she is completely on my side and understands what it's like to deal with her daughter. It was the lesser of two evils, I was either going to drive all over trying to find out where my ex was, or call her mom and just get the info I needed. I know neither was right, but I felt like I was having a heartattack hearing that she was "out" on a Saturday night. Anyways, she gets off of work at 7 on Sundays, it's past 9 here, and nothing. Maybe her net isn't working again, but if that's the case, she hasn't had the courtesy to text me and let me know. I know I shouldn't care after that email I sent. I wish she hadn't replied. Or I wish I had blocked her number right away. But it was too late, once I got that message "I'll write back to you" she had the control again.
Beeotch Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Yes I'm aware calling her mom wasn't appropriate, although the times I have talked to her mom she is completely on my side and understands what it's like to deal with her daughter. It was the lesser of two evils, I was either going to drive all over trying to find out where my ex was, or call her mom and just get the info I needed. I know neither was right, but I felt like I was having a heartattack hearing that she was "out" on a Saturday night. Anyways, she gets off of work at 7 on Sundays, it's past 9 here, and nothing. Maybe her net isn't working again, but if that's the case, she hasn't had the courtesy to text me and let me know. I know I shouldn't care after that email I sent. I wish she hadn't replied. Or I wish I had blocked her number right away. But it was too late, once I got that message "I'll write back to you" she had the control again. Sounds like you still haven't made the decision to move on from this....stop having heart attacks, calling her mom, etc.
asuman Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Yes I'm aware calling her mom wasn't appropriate, although the times I have talked to her mom she is completely on my side and understands what it's like to deal with her daughter. It was the lesser of two evils, I was either going to drive all over trying to find out where my ex was, or call her mom and just get the info I needed. I know neither was right, but I felt like I was having a heartattack hearing that she was "out" on a Saturday night. Anyways, she gets off of work at 7 on Sundays, it's past 9 here, and nothing. Maybe her net isn't working again, but if that's the case, she hasn't had the courtesy to text me and let me know. I know I shouldn't care after that email I sent. I wish she hadn't replied. Or I wish I had blocked her number right away. But it was too late, once I got that message "I'll write back to you" she had the control again. You're obsessing. Cut it out. Get a hold of yourself. Distract yourself with other activities and people. Leave her alone and stop analyzing. If I sound harsh, please don't misunderstand me, because I've felt the exact way you do now so I know what the anguish feels like. It's terrible, but you need to focus your energy on something other than her. Don't contact her. Don't contact her mom.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 you're obsessing. Cut it out. Get a hold of yourself. Distract yourself with other activities and people. Leave her alone and stop analyzing. If i sound harsh, please don't misunderstand me, because i've felt the exact way you do now so i know what the anguish feels like. It's terrible, but you need to focus your energy on something other than her. Don't contact her. Don't contact her mom. Totally agree with Asuman here.
Author Exit Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I've done my best. I hung out with a girl I've known since grade school twice, and it was even what I consider "beyond friend" stuff, going to the movies, staying out until 4am just talking, but I finally confronted her about my suspicions that we were only friends and she just likes to flirt a little too much. And she confirmed "just friends". So that sucked. I've also gone to see my friends band play a couple times. Went Friday night, enjoyed myself, but heading home at 1am I only had one thought on my mind, to get home and see if she wrote to me. Working out, reading books, watching movies alone, anything I can do, but I can't help that I'm not constantly occupied 100% of the time, and that's when I still let it get to me. I was in a good place after I sent that last email and I regret that she even said anything. But I'm sticking to my plan. No contact yet so far tonight and I'm not going to ask her why she hasn't written. I'll do my best to forget she ever offered to do so, and just go back to the state of mind I was in after I sent that last letter and was ready to say goodbye. I don't disagree with anything being said here. I know I sound crazy. And no, I haven't let go, I wanted to marry her.
NopeNah Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 That's because you're still in contact with her. When you start NC it'll still take time but you won't be "waiting for her message" any longer. That's prolonging your healing here. Trust me...i'm was doing great until friday night. 8 to many shots on top of a BUNCH of beer and I finally answered her call. She stayed with me that night but I refused sex because I had no condoms. She was livid! But, I don't have sex without protection with girls I'm not with any longer. But, here I am again avoiding her calls all day on sat. She text me her mother was ill last night and she would be leaving town. So..being the "fool" i am i respond to "let me know" the situation when she arrived.I also called her (with no answer) later, to check on her moms status. I've been worried all day but, will not be contacting her anymore. In my voice mail I left "hope everythings ok tell your mom I said hi!" but, this has brought her back in my thoughts today just when she was drifting away..maybe she lied about it and that's her way of trying to get back power? I'd hope not.
Author Exit Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I will do NC now. I tried it for a while but it wasn't making me feel any better, I just sat here every day thinking "today is the day that she'll crack and try to call me". I was willing to wait and suffer this long to prove to her that I really was sorry for what I did wrong in the relationship. But I have done enough to atone for my sins. If she isn't ready to talk now then I'm moving on. 11PM here so I guess I won't be hearing from her. Done begging. Only she knows why she offers to talk and then backs out. Whatever.
Author Exit Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Should I say anything to indicate to her that I am done waiting, or just ignore? It would be more satisfying to tell her "I'm done waiting for your letter, forget it", but I know most people will say just leave it alone.
NopeNah Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Should I say anything to indicate to her that I am done waiting, or just ignore? It would be more satisfying to tell her "I'm done waiting for your letter, forget it", but I know most people will say just leave it alone. That wouldn't be NC now would it? No you should not! Why do you even think she cares? It's obvious she doesnt! DO NOT GIVE THIS GIRL ANYMORE!! you've givin' enough..let it be.
Beeotch Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Should I say anything to indicate to her that I am done waiting, or just ignore? It would be more satisfying to tell her "I'm done waiting for your letter, forget it", but I know most people will say just leave it alone. LMAO u are relentlesss!!! But seriously....u doing that is like someone who keeps sayng "Im leaving now...not coming back"...10 minutes they are STILL there then they're like "I'm gone now...goodnight everyone. I'm really leaving"...still there 30 mins later. JUST GO ALREADY! Clearly no one responded or begged you to stay 45 mins ago when you said it.... Same thing. She doesn't seem to care...why announce you not waiting. JUST DO IT! That is a way more powerful statement. You saying you're not waiting works in quite the opposite way....it does show you're waiting. It is like telling someone you are ignoring them...ermmmm...uhh...that defeats the purpose.Esp. if they don't seem to care in the first place (which it seems like she doesnt and isnt losing any sleep over this email).
Sevenscars Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 We all know why she offers to talk and then backs out. She sent you the email promising to write back to you because she wants you to pine for her. She wants you to be waiting around, always hopeful that she will come and give you SCRAPS. I realized it as well, after a long, long time of wondering: If someone says they will do something, and then does not do it, it is because they DO NOT WANT TO. How many nights have I waited for my ex to call after she said she would, to have her not call? And then when I ask her about it, she says she was busy, or this, or that...etc. EXCUSES. SHE SIMPLY DID NOT WANT TO. She just said it to keep me hopeful, to keep me waiting, to have all the power. Same thing with your ex. Should you contact her to tell her you are done talking? NO. She won't care anyway. Words are words, start acting. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE ONE LETTER OF ONE EMAIL FROM YOU. Good luck, it hurts now, but it gets better later, and you will be glad you did it. Number one important thing: Starting now, do not contact her. Never contact her. Do not speak with her, text, call, email, nothing! Do not do it! Even if she calls you every night, emails you every morning, texts you every day at noon! If you do not believe me look up all the stories about someone who broke NC and reverted back to day one of breakup.
Author Exit Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Thanks for insulting me but I'm not an idiot, obviously sending her a message ISN'T NC. It simply to stop her from ever sending me this letter so I can move on. If I just leave it the way it is, maybe her internet will end up working later this week and I'll end up getting contacted. Staying NC seems more "obedient" to me, letting her have the power, than telling her to keep the letter and go away. But whatever. On top of everything else, the harsh criticism around here doesn't make me feel any better. Goodnight.
Beeotch Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Do whatever you want... That's really it. None of us can make you do anything....some people have to learn the hard way and that's okay. Some people learn better from their own mistakes than from the mistakes of others. I don't know if you wanted us to agree with you....but everyone seems to think your plan is bad but it is your life...we don't know you offline and you ultimately have to live with your decisions...so do whatever you think is best. If you think not talking to her and ignoring her a$$ is you being obedient...then okay. If you think calling her mom, telling her not to email you when secretly waiting around for her to is giving you more power...okay. What can anyone say? Nothing. U do what u feel is best.
NopeNah Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 On top of everything else, the harsh criticism around here doesn't make me feel any better. Goodnight.Never said you were an idiot. But, when you post you're starting NC, then 5 min. later, ask if you should mesage her?!?anyways.. I don't view it as "harsh criticism"..it's the hard truth! I'm back to day 1 of NC myself today..thanks to my dumbass on fri and her text about her mom. It SUCKS!! but, it is what it is and I have to start over.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Exit, do what's best for you. We are only trying to make it a bit easier for you. You may not see it now but seriously, go NC and it will do you good.
boogieboy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Jesus Exit, you KNOW better than this. Ive seen you post to others on this. You know shes lying when she says her internet doesnt work. She doesnt care if you say "dont write me" again, she knows if she writes you, you WILL read that email. She will probably wait until next week to write you again. She will not stop if she knows you want her to, thats why she wrote back after the goodbye in the first place. Youre the mule lookin at that carrot. She is a sick puppy that gets off on knowing youre hurting. Dont you find that pathetic? Shes done this before you, and she'll do it after you, and she will never be able to sustain a relationship until she matures. She probably has other guys from before you that she is still dangling carrots in front of. Whatever last email you wnt to send, she will send one that counters it that she knows you will fall for. Your closure comes from within, youre not going to get it from her. Stop telling yourself you need it from her, you do NOT. This is what you do now: That girl from grade school that is just friends now? Keep hanging with her, USE her to vent about your ex. get some mileage out of her. SHe probably knew that she wasnt attracted to you, but used you for attention anyway, unless she WAS attracted to you and shes going along with your friends deal.
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