nittanylion Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 My Long Distance GF of 1.3 year told me she is still married but have been separated for 3 years. She is currently not living with her husband but she live with her sister, and brother in law. She lied to me cause in the beginning when I met her, and I ask her if she is single, divorce or married and she said she is divorce. I was very hurt when I find out about this. This is a big lie. So now, I feel like I am stuck and I dont know what I should do. She spoke to her husband three days ago and asked him to sign the divorce paper and he said he will do it in sept. I dont know if I should believe her, and I dont know if I should give her the benefit of the doubt, and wait for 3 months till she finialized divorce. She told she will do it cause she said she love me and want to have a family with me in the future. I am really confused now, and I dont know what to do. Please give me your opinion, thank you all very much!
Author nittanylion Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 She told me and I put the pieces together that she is married. Her brother is a lawyer, and her husband is a lawyer too and he is her brother best friend. She said she is stuck in a marriage cause her husband wouldnt file the divorce paper for her. She dont want to file cause she dont want to alienate her brother best friend. At the same time, Her brother wants her to reconcile with her hubby but she said she does not want to cause she does not love him. So she is waiting for him to file in sept, and he agrees to do for her in Sept. But I am stuck in a rock and hard place, I dont know what to do whether to wait for her, and if I wait 3 months and she cant file I will be in the same position going no where with this relationship.
hoping2heal Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I'm confused on what "she told me, and I put the pieces together means". If she told you herself, what pieces are there to put togther? I'm not understanding something correctly.
Island Girl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Her brother is a lawyer, and her husband is a lawyer too and he is her brother best friend. The fact that both of them are lawyers makes no difference. The fact that they are best friends doesn't matter. Disregard all of it. She said she is stuck in a marriage cause her husband wouldnt file the divorce paper for her. That is crap. Either one can file for divorce and once filed it doesn't take 3 years to resolve unless there are extenuating circumstances such as a vast fortune. I doubt that applies here. She dont want to file cause she dont want to alienate her brother best friend. If she doesn't want to alienate the brother's best friend then she shouldn't divorce him -- and would not have left him. I call bullsh*t. At the same time, Her brother wants her to reconcile with her hubby but she said she does not want to cause she does not love him. People in hell want ice water. That doesn't mean they get it. She has been separated for 3 years (?) so hopes of reconciliation are over. This is her brother. Blood is thicker than water. She should live her own life and not worry about what her brother wants or doesn't want. I call bullsh*t again on this one. So she is waiting for him to file in sept, and he agrees to do for her in Sept. She has no reason to wait - and can file the papers herself. Why she is choosing not to remains a mystery because all of her excuses do not make sense. But I am stuck in a rock and hard place, I dont know what to do whether to wait for her, and if I wait 3 months and she cant file I will be in the same position going no where with this relationship. You call her on her crap. She lied and put you in this position. Let her know you'll talk to her when she can produce the filed and adjudicated divorce papers. IF you are still available then the two of you will see about pursuing a relationship and how you feel at that point. Until then it is over. Then, if she does contact you and says how are you or I miss you or anything - in fact no matter what she says - you say, "so you can show me the papers that the marriage is over?" If she says "not yet" then you say, "I told you when it is done we'll see. We have nothing to talk about until then." And end the conversation.
Author nittanylion Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 island girl- You are so rite. I couldnt agree with you more. I told her, I give her 3 months to get her problems resolve. If she dont get it done, I will move On. Thank you so much for your input. Also, how long does she have to wait before she gets married again assuming she is divorced on sept1?
Rollercoasterr Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I wouldn't even give her that long. The thing is, she LIED to you. She played you like a fiddle, and you're giving her 3 more months? Oh come on. Give her 3 more months to lie to you, come up with other excuses. This girl is so full of sh*t her eyes are brown(not saying all brown-eyed girls are full of it, ). My mom typed up her divorce papers and filed them HERSELF for extremely little cost to her. Divorce from my father took LESS THAN 6 MONTHS. If this girl TRULY wanted a divorce she could have done that. Just because they are lawyers means NOTHING. Who gives a hoot? Lawyers get divorced all the time. She's playing you, you're letting her. If you give her 3 more months you're just asking for more lies, and more excuses. I call bullsh*t on the girl, just like IG did. Complete and utter bullsh*t!
Author nittanylion Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 I wouldn't even give her that long. The thing is, she LIED to you. She played you like a fiddle, and you're giving her 3 more months? Oh come on. Give her 3 more months to lie to you, come up with other excuses. This girl is so full of sh*t her eyes are brown(not saying all brown-eyed girls are full of it, ). My mom typed up her divorce papers and filed them HERSELF for extremely little cost to her. Divorce from my father took LESS THAN 6 MONTHS. If this girl TRULY wanted a divorce she could have done that. Just because they are lawyers means NOTHING. Who gives a hoot? Lawyers get divorced all the time. Ps. My sister said she will not file and continue to play me like a fool. She's playing you, you're letting her. If you give her 3 more months you're just asking for more lies, and more excuses. I call bullsh*t on the girl, just like IG did. Complete and utter bullsh*t! Another element to this issue is that she said she has no paperwork and all the paperwork he controls everything. Therefore, she has to be nice to him to sign the paperwork. She said she can not file divorce without his signature. Is that true? Also, the fact that she has No green card, therefore, if she is divorce, she can't find work unless I help her out. By than mean, I would have to marry her, and so she can get the paperwork to be able to find work here. I think he finds out in the past that she cheat on him, and get revenge on her by not filing the divorce. What recourse does she has to compeletly filed without his required signature. BTW, they were married in Chicago, Illinois. I dont know what is the jurisdiction there regarding divorce issue. I am so confused. My family told me the samething like you do. They want to me cut it off the relationship cause she lies to me. I think my mind is cloud it now. On one hand, she said she loves me and want to have family, and I want to belivee her. On the another hand, I am afraid she would use me for my paperwork. After she got what she wants and dump me like I am nobody. Thank you all of you so much for helping me. Ps. My sister said she will not file, and continue to play me like a fool.
Island Girl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Another element to this issue is that she said she has no paperwork and all the paperwork he controls everything. He possibly has had everything but that doesn't mean she can't take it all over. She can copies of anything with immigration, court systems, etc. So this is no excuse except that it is a way that she can sit back and do nothing but claim "poor me". Therefore, she has to be nice to him to sign the paperwork. She said she can not file divorce without his signature. Is that true? No. If she has been married to him for over three years and was illegal before marriage or went through immigration to come here and marry him then she should have filed her AOS (Adjustment Of Status) already. Once that is filed it changes status and she can divorce like anyone else. And no, you do not need the other party to sign divorce papers. It can make things simpler and quicker but is unnecessary. You need to read up on immigration and procedures. Seems like she is just sitting back lazy or "powerless" so she can claim "victim, victim" instead of taking control of her own life. I'd be wary of this especially if you are thinking of marrying her. Also, the fact that she has No green card, therefore, if she is divorce, she can't find work unless I help her out. She could have been working when she first got married with a TIN number. The first two years she was under a conditional visa or should have been (?) -- what story are you getting of how she came to this country and got married ---- because you mention "green card" I am assuming it is the US and that is the basic info I am giving you. The Adjustment Of Status is filed after three years when married to a US Citizen. After applying and approval a Permanent Resident Card is issued (a "green card") and that person is allowed to remain in the US and work just like everyone else. By than mean, I would have to marry her, and so she can get the paperwork to be able to find work here. Scary stuff. If she hasn't filed for her green card and is just dependent on US Citizens to marry her to keep her here that is a BIG problem. It is not something you should excuse away or let love blind you to. And if she hasn't - and she gets divorced - then immediately marries you immigration is going to be alarmed and there will be hoops to jump through at the very LEAST (TRUST ME - if they have a reason to make things arduous and seemingly impossible then they will!). I think he finds out in the past that she cheat on him, and get revenge on her by not filing the divorce. No. I f he wanted revenge then he could call the entire marriage into question and have her deported. He didn't. So there seems to be more to that story. What recourse does she has to compeletly filed without his required signature. BTW, they were married in Chicago, Illinois. I dont know what is the jurisdiction there regarding divorce issue. Divorce papers can be filed anywhere in the country without double signature. The waiting period for the divorce may be longer in some areas because of a single signature, but if they've been separated for 3 years it would have been done already no matter where she lives. I am so confused. My family told me the samething like you do. They want to me cut it off the relationship cause she lies to me. I think my mind is cloud it now. On one hand, she said she loves me and want to have family, and I want to belivee her. On the another hand, I am afraid she would use me for my paperwork. After she got what she wants and dump me like I am nobody. Thank you all of you so much for helping me. Ps. My sister said she will not file, and continue to play me like a fool. You have some serious issues here my friend. So much of what she is feeding you does NOT add up at all. You have found out that she lied about something so basic and crucial -- then the immigration stuff. I have a really bad feeling about her and how she is putting things to you. It all doesn't add up - unless you look at it that she is trying to ride US Citizens to stay in this country. If that is the case I am sickened as a US Citizen and personal immigration issues. Certain sentence structure and word choices cause me to think you are not from the US originally. Is that true?
Author nittanylion Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Island girl- Thank you for your imput! She said she does have paperwork but she forgot to renew her paperwork(AOS), than it got expired, and as a result, USCIS wipes her off the system. She has to start all over again to get paperwork. She said she wants her own life without her brother and stbxh controlling her decision. IOW, she wants her independence and leave past life and start a new life with me. She said I am the only can help, and in return she will give me what I want which is to have a happy family. I was born in Vietnam, and English is my second language. LOL! I have been living in the U.S. almost 29 years and a Us citizen. I graduated from University. I told my family about this situation. They are livid with me and told me to dump her. I am torn between my own decison,and family advice. My family scold me and give me a hard time if I decide to get back with her. But its hard to let go of a 1.3 year LDR. I have met her 3 times since I know her. I know she is in love with me. She told me many times over and over again. She told me she wants to have a family with me, and I feel the same way. I trully believe her. She asked me to trust her she will finalized her divorce in 2 or 3 months or asap. She gave me her assurance. Today, I give her a hard time and break her heart by trying to break up with her. I make her cry and hurt so much. I told her that I want to move On. I am scare that she will drag this divorce and lie to me again. I told her to get back with me when she finalized her divorce paper. But I didnt live up to my words. So, I get weak and make amend with her.
Rollercoasterr Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 This girl keeps changing her story. First she didn't have the paperwork, now she has some of it. You don't FORGET to file your AOS. That is done as soon as you're in the freaking country and you're married. That's not something that is easy to forget. Besides, they wouldn't just wipe her off the system. She's here illegally if she didn't file that. If she used the K-1 visa it would be like she never got married and should have returned home after that 90 days. If she didn't, she's illegal and you getting married to her probably wouldn't affect anything anyway since USCIS will be reluctant to give her a second visa. She's feeding you bullsh*t and you're eating it up like it's cake. She lied to you and you want to marry her? Besides, if she is wiped off the USCIS system, then she's not a U.S. Citizen, which means she can't get divorced her because she's not technically married in the United States. Now unless she got married in her home country as well, I wouldn't think a divorce would be needed since there would not be a valid marriage in ANY country. So once again, she's a liar. And a piss poor one at that. Oh, and the reason why you're the only one that can help is because you are the only one that's buying into her crap and willing to marry her after all of those lies!
Island Girl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Island girl- Thank you for your imput! She said she does have paperwork but she forgot to renew her paperwork(AOS), than it got expired, and as a result, USCIS wipes her off the system. She has to start all over again to get paperwork. Hi nittanylion. You should know that USCIS never wipes anything off the system. Those records are permanent in the truest sense of the word. They never ever go away, become inaccessible, or become "archived". IF she is "out of status" -- meaning whatever visa she came here or was present in the US on has expired and the I-485 or I-751 (more important) was not filed then the advice given all over the place is that she should seek legal advice from an immigration attorney immediately for possible "unlawful presence" issues (I presume because that makes her an illegal but haven't been able to confirm that verbiage as of yet). Here is the NCIS document explaining the definition of "unlawful presence" and "unlawful stay" provisions and bars. It appears she may be in violation of the terms of her visa, may be subject to removal proceedings, and therefore can only seek to stay by marriage to a US Citizen (eeeeeeek) BUT this alone considering her past history with USCIS would be under severe scrutiny. Especially if she entered as the fiance or spouse of a US Citizen and then blew off her AOS filing. Immigration is getting tougher and tougher about these kinds of things. It looks like she is in need of immigration advice from an attorney. If you can get the actual facts: Which visa she entered/overstayed on, WHEN she entered, and expiration of that visa you could seek immigration attorney advice yourself WITHOUT her so you can know THE FACTS YOU ARE FACING IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. I can not caution you enough about all of this. I realize she tells you how much she loves you, etc. But under the circumstances her words are questionable. She lied and sucked you in while she knew all along she will face the consequences of her unlawful stay or unlawful presence. The I-485 is Adjustment Of Status and can be filed with the original documentation if she came over due to marriage either the I-129 or I-130 will have been filed -- BUT The I-751 form is the adjustment of status of permanent residence because the I-485 form only covers 2 years of stay. The I-751 can ONLY be filed within 90 days BEFORE the 2 year "anniversary" of the date on the Permanent Residence Card. If it is filed early - it is returned. Filed late and there is a BIG HUGE problem. The I-751 converts the visa to Permanent Resident Visa valid for 10 years and should be renewed every 10 years if the person does not become naturalized. Info explained very well here: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?autocom=custom&page=751guide It appears she has not done one or both of these things. And "I forgot" is no excuse as far as USCIS is concerned and is even more frowned upon. I wish I had better news for you but it looks like she is in a pickle and probably knows it. I hate to say it but people seeking to stay in situations such as this will do or say just about anything.
subdued Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Is this the only lie she told you? If so, you should probably give her another chance. Sometimes people tell a lie in the beginning of the relationship that they regret later on. They are afraid to tell the truth, because they are afraid they will lose the person. She also might not understand the laws and believe everything her brother and husband tell her, because they are lawyers. However, she needs to make a decision. It's either you or him. If she wants to be with you, then she needs to trust you and file for divorce now. She can not rely on her husband to file for divorce. What if he doesn't file in September like he said he would? If she still refuses, then you have your answer.
Author nittanylion Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I want thank you all for helping me sort out this mess. You guys/girl are really good at this thing espsically island girl. You are so much helpful to me. I appreciate, and grateful to you. I think she knows the seriousness and legal consequence of immigration matter. She told me she has an immigration lawyer, and divorce lawyer to deal her issue. She told me she will go ahead with the divorce, and hope to finalized the end of September. I know she lies to me so that she can cover up her issue. I think she lies cause she is afraid that I will leave her. I forgive her, and hopefully she will be honest to me from now on. I will try to help her in any capacity. I know I am fool for helping her but I guess love is blind. I am taking a big risk in her. I really in love with her, and hope that we build a family together in the future. We will explore all options to ensure that she will comply with U.S. immigration law. I hope you all have good relationship whether is long distance or close distance. Thank you all for the information and taking the time to understand my relationship problem.
Rollercoasterr Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Love is only as blind as you allow it to be. Remember that. Being in love is NO excuse for being used for someones green card, which is basically what she'd be using you for. You're allowing her to do that. But, to each his own blindness. I just hope and pray that you either wake up and realize that this is a HUGE lie(s) that she's been telling you, or that this causes you no pain in the long run. Good luck.
sunshine2031 Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Honestly, I'd really wonder about someone who has not yet filed her divorce (no excuses) and has been stringing you along.
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