alpha wizard Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 First of all, I'm not a normal 41 year old guy. I can count the girls I've slept with on two fingers. Believe it or not, it is 100% true. And I didn't date either one of them for over a year. My parents had a miserable marriage, this isn't about that. And I'm not gay, either. I'm really picky, hate to argue, and my worst nightmare would be to get a divorce when I had children. I do not feel bad about asking younger women out on dates. They tend to be alot more sweet and innocent, like me. I am not particularly concerned with my Queen's age, but I want to really feel the chemistry before I ask someone out. The experienced woman tends to make herself known with her hardened personality, makes me want to puke. What are the sign that I am just being flattered or flirted with, because I'm showing some age? And how can I tell if they might really want to go out with me?
torranceshipman Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 'The experienced woman tends to make herself known with her hardened personality, makes me want to puke.' This is a really weird thing to say. It makes you come across negative and strange/bitter, which won't help your dating chances. As for younger girls, the average 20yr old is not going to have much in common with an over 40 yr old inexperienced male. They will probably find it all a bit creepy - I'd recommend you try to join some clubs, etc, and look to meet some lovely women nearer your own age.
stepka Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 First of all, I'm not a normal 41 year old guy. I can count the girls I've slept with on two fingers. Believe it or not, it is 100% true. And I didn't date either one of them for over a year. My parents had a miserable marriage, this isn't about that. And I'm not gay, either. I'm really picky, hate to argue, and my worst nightmare would be to get a divorce when I had children. I do not feel bad about asking younger women out on dates. They tend to be alot more sweet and innocent, like me. I am not particularly concerned with my Queen's age, but I want to really feel the chemistry before I ask someone out. The experienced woman tends to make herself known with her hardened personality, makes me want to puke. What are the sign that I am just being flattered or flirted with, because I'm showing some age? And how can I tell if they might really want to go out with me? You're right, you're not a normal 41 yo guy, but not b/c of the number of partners you've had. You sound just like Humbert Humbert from Lolita--you want someone young and stupid who won't see you for the pathetic little man that you really are.
Sam Spade Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 You're right, you're not a normal 41 yo guy, but not b/c of the number of partners you've had. You sound just like Humbert Humbert from Lolita--you want someone young and stupid who won't see you for the pathetic little man that you really are. Maybe I'm little and pathetic too, but I feel similarly about the so called 'experienced woman', or at least the stereotype that this label signifies. But, my first girlfriend was much older than me and I can testify that she was the exact same emotional mess as my second one (my age). More to the point, I'm not afraid to have a woman see me for who I am, but an "experienced" woman has a track record of packing and leaving when things don't go her way. So, if I'm an average guy, why bother, eh? Given how much easier it is for women to find partners, part of me is somewhat suspicious of older (experienced) women, so I can understand where the OP is coming from. Pathological or no, perceptions are real.
carhill Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Numbers do not necessarily equal experience and/or wisdom and/or maturity, as such an assertion would necessarily infer one learns/learned/has the capacity to learn from the numbers. OP, what are you picky about and why do you avoid conflict?
Author alpha wizard Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Stepka, I'm guessing you'd probably look like a porcupine if you had as many weiners sticking out of you as you've had put in you. Just my guess. You sound very hard and pessimistic. I sometimes feel like dying breed in our society, that is to have morals. I want to have a trust-worthy wife and children. I want to be able to tell my kids the truth about my love life and be proud of it. Carhill, I cannot see any reason to seek out conflict. This is not the kind of woman I am looking for, that likes conflicts. I'm picky about every aspect there is of a woman. I never want to feel like I married the wrong one.
carhill Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I seriously doubt you'll ever have any sort of LTR without conflict. I didn't say 'seek it out'; I asked 'why you avoid it?'. I dealt with this in MC, as both my wife and I sought to avoid conflict and developed resentment instead. We didn't deal with conflict in a straightforward and healthy manner. Having been 'picky' in the past, my best advice is to get your feet wet and experience the reality of a relationship and marriage. That's really all I can say. It will change you and you may find yourself to have a completely different perspective than you have now. Only way to find out is to try. Perfection is elusive. You will die imperfect. Hope you enjoy the journey
Balthazar Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Yes, but the way you are going about this is wrong. You have an ideal in your mind and are striving to find a woman which will fit it. The only way to find such a women is to date often and experience many different ones. Through this process, you get more clarity and realism about inter-gender relationships. Concerning your age, a lot depends on your natural appearance and fitness. If you are an out of shape 41 year old, things are probably quite difficult, especially if you want to date younger women. On the other hand, if you are good shape and handsome(and your life is in order), then you should be able to date many women in the 30-35 range with relative ease.I hesitate to recommend younger women because your inexperience will probably result in awkwardness around them. Finally, you ask how one can know if a woman is just flirting in contrast to actually wanting to go out. Well, apart from mind-reading, there is no certain way to know this. When you feel there is a good vibe and some rapport, you just have to go for it and ask her out. There will be rejection, in fact you should be prepared to be rejected most of the times... but that's ok, it happens to all of us. There will also be successes too. There is a lot of literature on the Internet on such topics, and many sites(such as but certainly not limited to this one) where you can ask for advice. Read up, it will help! Whatever you decide, you must start meeting woman and dating them. There is no other way to find Mrs.Right. Good Luck and enjoy the process!
stepka Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Maybe I'm little and pathetic too, but I feel similarly about the so called 'experienced woman', or at least the stereotype that this label signifies. But, my first girlfriend was much older than me and I can testify that she was the exact same emotional mess as my second one (my age). More to the point, I'm not afraid to have a woman see me for who I am, but an "experienced" woman has a track record of packing and leaving when things don't go her way. So, if I'm an average guy, why bother, eh? Given how much easier it is for women to find partners, part of me is somewhat suspicious of older (experienced) women, so I can understand where the OP is coming from. Pathological or no, perceptions are real. Sam, i have no problem with a preference; I just have a problem when that preference is expressed in a way that is insulting to a large group of people. You didn't say anything about puking, so I have no problem w/ your preference. One thing to keep in mind though, is when you prefer women for the age group they belong in. Eventually those women are going to grow up and have those hardened personalities that the OP mentioned. So what do you do--go find another young lady? Keep up the cycle as long as they'll have you? How sad is that? I hold out the ideal of falling in love with the whole person. Humbert Humbert never saw Lolita for what she really was, he just saw what he wanted to see in her and when she grew up and got breasts, he didn't want her anymore.
samspade Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 You're just going to provoke a fight around here with questions like this. Live your life, date younger women, they're not hard to read. Not any harder to read than women your age. Just don't be so "sweet and innocent." Women want a MAN, no matter what age they are.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I find older men who go after younger women creepy and underdeveloped intellectually or interpersonally. It suggests they need someone less mature, experienced, and/or intelligent, to give them some kind of upper hand because they have a deficit somewhere.
D-Lish Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Well I can tell you- I work in an industry (fashion) where I come across people from all walks of life. I have to walk through all ages when I am out and about, on the road. I cross paths with tons of super hot 20 year old girls. They are either modelling, working in the stores, or assisting in other ways. They are not interested in 41 year old men. They flirt with them, they interact with them... but the reality is that they talk shyte about them behind their back. When you are a 20 year old girl... a 41 year old man is scary! They learn to smile and be friendly- then they make fun behind their back.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 When you are a 20 year old girl... a 41 year old man is scary! Yep. Anytime a guy over 40 hit on me when I was in my early 20s, I just thought he must be a creep or stunted in some way, since he needed to hit on women young enough to be his daughter.
Citizen Erased Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Well I can tell you- I work in an industry (fashion) where I come across people from all walks of life. I have to walk through all ages when I am out and about, on the road. I cross paths with tons of super hot 20 year old girls. They are either modelling, working in the stores, or assisting in other ways. They are not interested in 41 year old men. They flirt with them, they interact with them... but the reality is that they talk shyte about them behind their back. When you are a 20 year old girl... a 41 year old man is scary! They learn to smile and be friendly- then they make fun behind their back. Personally, I wouldn't be like that. But some of my friends would and it's incredibly rude. I don't see a problem with a 41 year old interested in a specific 20-something. It happens. It rarely lasts but it does happen. But when he only goes after 20 year olds, something is up. Perhaps the guy can't attract women his own age because they pick up on something essentially wrong with him that the younger, less experienced ones don't. I'm not saying this is the case with the OP. But it would certainly cross my mind if it was someone I met and I picked up on the pattern.
lab_brat Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I don't see a problem with a 41 year old interested in a specific 20-something. It happens. It rarely lasts but it does happen. But when he only goes after 20 year olds, something is up. Thankyou!!! It's one thing to date someone who is 20 yrs younger, its entirely something else to be only seeking women 20 years younger! Also, i do appreciate the point made above by SS that older women are more messed up/hard than younger women, which is why men go for younger women! As a younger woman, i've noticed this and i hate this! I typically date older men (10-15 years older) and i hate that some expect you (by virtue of your youth) to be completely undamaged and sane and innocent and fresh and optimistic all the bloody time! It feels like- if i'm having an issue or a bad day, i cannot speak to (imaginary) older partner as i'm expected to be constantly sunshine and frickin rainbows! Regardless of age, most people are messed up a significant amount of the time. Sorry, back to OP's question. Firstly, the porcupine comment was unnecessary, not based on any real facts and does not display moral fibre. But, if a woman is interested they will generally make clear signs, ie coming to visit or calling, wanting to catch up to do things, complimenting you etc etc. Casually see if they want to grab a drink one night, if they're interested it will be conveyed within the date-like atmosphere
Jilly Bean Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I think the fact that Alpha was recently busted for stalking some young lady (long distance, mind you), makes this whole post all the more disturbing for me. The words of "sweet" "innocent" "Queen" and the whole line about experienced women being hardened (and making him want to puke), is all highly concerning. I'm just not convinced that Alpha processes things in quite the right way...
Jersey Shortie Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I don't see a problem with a 41 year old interested in a specific 20-something. It happens. It rarely lasts but it does happen. But when he only goes after 20 year olds, something is up. Perhaps the guy can't attract women his own age because they pick up on something essentially wrong with him that the younger, less experienced ones don't. I agree with this. I am not as turned off by a man that might date a younger woman. But one that only dates younger woman, even as a younger woman, would be a huge turn off. Also, i do appreciate the point made above by SS that older women are more messed up/hard than younger women, which is why men go for younger women! As a younger woman, i've noticed this and i hate this! I typically date older men (10-15 years older) and i hate that some expect you (by virtue of your youth) to be completely undamaged and sane and innocent and fresh and optimistic all the bloody time! It feels like- if i'm having an issue or a bad day, i cannot speak to (imaginary) older partner as i'm expected to be constantly sunshine and frickin rainbows! Regardless of age, most people are messed up a significant amount of the time. That's because men like that do not really want a real human partner to deal with. They don't want to have to give to much of themselves or understand that a woman, no matter her age, is a person too. I also think it's a turn off when men say they want someone less "hardended" because that speaks of their own hardened and bitter side and honestly, no woman wants to be with a bitter man either.
Author alpha wizard Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Not all women get hardened as they get older. A preferable few remain sweet and innocent through-out there lives. It doesn't happen often enough partly because good men are hard to find. Women often settle for a guy who won't treat them like an equal, and the marriage eventually fails or goes on in misery. You'd have to know me so see how I am I guess. I'm very kind and extremely shy. I am not looking for a wife that is necessarily young, but I would prefer them to be at least somewhat in-experienced sexually. I don't want to feel like I married a whore, that's just they way I am. I'm fully use to people treating me like I'm less of a man because I haven't slept with many women; that just gives me more disdain for the status-quo's loose-ness.
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