Brcko Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 In a week I will be with my boyfrend for 3 years... well, I should say that I would be with my boyfriend. We are in long distance relationship (different countries), I study, he works. Most of the time I was the one flying to be with him. We had some ups and downs and I am well aware of that and I was (and still am) really trying hard to do everything to make that relationship last. I have been in serious relationships before but never in LDR. I was more willing to do whatever it took because I knew that "somewhere outside things are not better" and because he does things I dont like doesnt mean that we cant be together or that we have to break up. Anyway, while I was (and still am) back in my country studying for my exams, he was living in our home, going out with his friends (which I dont like that much - they do things I dont agree with) and doing his stuff. But being in LDR means calling each other, texting and stuff like that, more than when you see your loved one every day. In the past days he was not texting that much - comparing to our past. I knew something has changed and something was wrong. I asked and he replied every time that nothing happens. Ok, I said that I will not push the things more. Yesterday he sent me message where he wrote that he needs time to breathe and that he is tired of this relationship (we were living together), tired of my coming back and forth (because of the school). Still he addresses me "sweetheart", "my wife", "my baby"... you know, things like that. He used that in the "I need time" message. He also said that he could tell me to wait and to give him some time but because he doesnt know how long he will need he thinks its not fair to me. To be honest, I think that he is just trying to protect himself right now. In the end he wrote that he loves me very much and I know it very good and that he needs time. I was shocked and called him immediately, because in 4 days I am going there and we had planned to continue our life like this and now everything has changed. He told me if I am coming to be ready that he will not be with me in our home, he will be with his mother. But I just really need to see him and to listen things "live" from him. I cannot sit in my home and respect that after 3 years we will end like this. I think he feels tired because all the time he had to be with me in our home, and all his friends are so free, living with parents and they do what they want and dont solve problems like we used to. I really feel I need to go there and see him and talk and I am really hoping that we will work things out and he will not leave like this. Long distance sucks, we had many fights while we were far and I have to say fights for stupids. But the thing is if he will say that he still needs time I will be in our home on my own, completely alone. With no friends, no car, nothing. I bought my flight ticket for whole 2 months because I didnt want to let him again alone for long time. I dont believe that I will be able to live there whole 2 monts alone, without him. I mean that you have to do things not to think about your problems, but being alone at home is bad . I would like to know your opinions. Do you think I should go there and try to speak with him??? (I cant imagine living in my country with feeling that he is that far and we cant meet, while if I will be there in his town he will have the chance to come and see me if he wants to) I asked him if there is someone other because in that case I will not try anymore for us, when he doesnt love me. His response was that there is not someone else and its not about friends either (that he wants to hang out with them) and on my question if he still loves me he answered that he loves me very much and that I am the best girl he has ever met. My feeling from the one message is that he doesnt want to continue and in the other he says that he needs time... When I will see him and speak with him should I be willing to change myself or to change rules we made? Or some other reaction would be better? Whatever thought will come to your mind I will be more than happy to hear, I am really in the end, I dont know what I should do. I missed him since I left (month and a half) and now this... I think that important thing to mention is that he is 24, me 26, and he has never been in serious relationship.
Exit Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 We all know these situations can be complex, but in the interest of getting good advice here on the forums, try to summarize a bit more. We'd all like to help but we don't all like reading for 5 minutes. The main thing that caught my eye was him telling you it wouldn't be fair for you to wait for him (which it indeed wouldn't be), but if he still had feelings for you, he wouldn't have such an easy time saying "don't wait for me". I think he is subtly encouraging you to move on.
Author Brcko Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Ok, I just thought that if I will write most of what happened it would be easier to understand the situation and to give an answer. So I am sorry for posting it so long.
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