addy Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and engaged for the past year and a half now but within the last 6 months there have been many changes. We used to have this fairytale relationship in which I felt I was on cloud 9 and things would remain like this forever but now we fight so much! He finds something wrong with everything," why are you getting text or phonecalls so late?! your shirts are too low cut you must want attention from other men." I always noticed weird moodswings with him, one minute he is happy the next I don't even know what went wrong for him to change but with those changes comes yelling and anger. I have mentioned to him I feel he is not treating me as well as he should, I told him he yells too much and just because something goes wrong in his life does not give him the right to take all his frustration out on me. My friends have mentioned they feel he is over jealous and I didn't really take notice in it till the other day that I was listening to some music and I noticed changes in his attitude I kept asking him whats wrong but he kept saying nothing. Finally all the questions must have gotten to him when he finally yelled," I don't want to listen to him ok! Do you think I forgot that when we first started dating you mentioned you thought he was hot!" I looked at him in disbelief I couldn't believe he remembered a stupid little comment almost 2 years ago! I didn't know what to feel so I just started crying, crying thinking in my head I love him so much but he is never going to change. He keeps telling me you don't understand how stressed out I am life gets the best of me, everything always goes wrong. I tell him please don't take this wrong but I can assure you my stress can surpass yours and I know what stress is...my dad passed away last year unexpectedly, we are struggling to cut the mortgage, I come home to see my mother crying everyday, they are cutting hours at my job, my sister is diagnosed bi-polar and makes everyones life hell, I'm in debt and still I have to hear his yelling about him not believing that I love him. I changed my whole life around for him in the worst of times. I don't hang out with my friends, he doesn't take me out anymore, I stopped drinking and partying, I calmed my attitude for him (I used to be a handful!) now I'm just waiting on him....punching my steeringwheel is not a form calming down....I just have no one to talk to.
sugarmomma Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Do not marry him. This will only get worse. If you live together I would suggest that you make some changes. He is very insecure and has a very pessimistic outlook. Also doesn't seem to have good communication skills where he can handle his emotions as opposed to taking them out on you. I would definitely not marry him since this is a preview of the coming attraction.
Author addy Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 With all my might i dont want to see that i shouldnt be with him with everything inside me. but we just finished arguing because i started crying saying that i missed my dad and he started talking about his family and how he is worried about something like that happening to his. i was unable to be there for him i just couldnt i was too involved with feeling empty. all i wanted was a hug i just wanted him there and he turned it to him to his misfortunes..... i think i'm going crazy.... i ended up apologizing to him because im not there for him.
Author addy Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Do not marry him. This will only get worse. If you live together I would suggest that you make some changes. He is very insecure and has a very pessimistic outlook. Also doesn't seem to have good communication skills where he can handle his emotions as opposed to taking them out on you. I would definitely not marry him since this is a preview of the coming attraction. im new to this so im not quite sure how it works but my response to yours was accidentally posted as a reply. but i think youre right i just dont have it im me....
hopesndreams Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Many things are going on in your life and you are not coping very well. Your bf is just adding to it because he is not supporting you emotionally and is incapable of doing so. He has a jealous personality and that will not change, it only gets worse. Be thankful you didn't marry him and get out while you still can. Work on your own self-esteem issues. No one that likes themselves would be with someone like your bf.
Author addy Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 I wish it's that easy...I'm working on telling myself I can be happy without him. I just love him too much but I can clearly see he is not treating me right.
TaraMaiden Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 This isn't love, it's dependency. Nobody should have to rely on anybody else to make themselves feel good. All relationships are give and take, and it should swing, pendulum-wise.... But if it's always at one end, or more weighted as 'give' on one side, consistently, than the other - then something is seriously amiss. Look at your initial post as if you were a complete stranger, reading a new thread from someone else. How good does it sound for the poster? What would you say to her?
Girlygal Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 This isn't love, it's dependency. Nobody should have to rely on anybody else to make themselves feel good. All relationships are give and take, and it should swing, pendulum-wise.... But if it's always at one end, or more weighted as 'give' on one side, consistently, than the other - then something is seriously amiss. Look at your initial post as if you were a complete stranger, reading a new thread from someone else. How good does it sound for the poster? What would you say to her? The nail was hit on the head with this one. This sounds to be a very controlling relationship and you are not the one at the steering wheel. You are getting some strong whiffs of what your future will be. It starts with monitoring your phone, picking your clothes and will continue to escalate. Every time you change your shirt or hand over your phone you are saying to him "It's ok, i will do what you ask. You are in control and i am OK with that". :( That scares me!
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