ilovemygrey Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 My name is Sarah. I am in love with my best friend but he was forced to marry someone else. Anyway, after about an year or so, he contacted me and professed his love to me and said that he wanted to marry me. I tried to joke it away. But he tried again and I gave him the same impression. (What was I supposed to do, I mean for God's sake, he was married).So we just continued our relationship as friends like before. Then one day I met him on a friend's wedding and he introduced me to his wife. I talked to his wife and I and my best friend also had a nice time catching up and all. But since that day my friend did not reply to my messages or anything. I decided that maybe his wife had forbidden him or something. I was really upset as to his strange behavior. But after a week I logged into orkut ( social networking site) and what I saw there upped my blood pressure because there my friend had declared his love to me where anyone could see. So instead of replying to him I just deleted it. And again we drifted apart. But after an year or so, my another friend told me that he had moved to another country and that he and his wife have separated. I tried to contact him but he seemed to have changed his email addresses. Eventually, I contacted him through a mutual friend and I wrote him some lovely emails about missing him and congratulating him on his new job etc. Also I asked him as to why he disappeared like the way he did and if he was mad at me or something. But he gave some silly excuses about disappearing like that and said that no he wasn't mad at me at all and he was pretty cool about it .Anyway I wrote him such lovely emails but he just gave me a one liner at most. After that he invited me to facebook and we communicated thru that for a week but now it’s like he is ignoring me. He won’t reply to my emails on facebook. I send him a card or some what not and instead of sending me one back, he doesn't even acknowledge it. But he pokes his other friends and also talks to them. I don’t know what that means? What should I do? I don’t wanna seem clingy. Also I have asked him twice if he is upset with me and he has said no. Thing is I really love him. I think about him all the time. In fact I am crazy about him Please especially u guys out there give me a guy's take on this because the male brain is an enigma to me.
whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Maybe he is still married, or back with his wife. Back off of him, since he isn't answering you.. Bottomline is, and sorry to say this, but if he was interested in keeping intouch, or wanting to see you, he would.
NoIDidn't Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I don't think he is ignoring you at all. I think you expect too much from a married man that lives in another country and may not be able to contact you as much as before. It doesn't sound like you had much contact with him during that two year period after his marriage anyway, so I don't think he's ignoring you. I think you were just expecting action on his part after his profession, but he might have just been getting it off his chest and intended to do nothing more.
fooled once Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 am in love with my best friend but he was forced to marry someone else. Did someone hold a gun to his head? I don't get why women say a man was forced to marry anyone. HOW does someone force someone else to get married? Or is that your way of minimizing his marriage and trying to pretend it was something he didn't want to do. it seems like from what you wrote, he is not interested in you. If he was, he would contact you. Back off and leave him alone. Men don't normally like women who chase them and are needy. Sorry, but he is not interested in you. Time to move on and find someone else - preferably someone who isn't married.
Author ilovemygrey Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Did someone hold a gun to his head? I don't get why women say a man was forced to marry anyone. HOW does someone force someone else to get married? Or is that your way of minimizing his marriage and trying to pretend it was something he didn't want to do. Thing is he said that his parents had forced him to marry his cousin. And I don't go after married men. If I did won't I have relented before.
Author ilovemygrey Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 I think you were just expecting action on his part after his profession, but he might have just been getting it off his chest and intended to do nothing more. I dont understand what u mean. He had a job then as well.
Lyssa Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Maybe he is separated from his W and found someone else . That said, if he wanted to rekindle the friendship, he would have done so since he has you on Facebook.
Author ilovemygrey Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 I dont understand what u mean. He had a job then as well. oh God! :love:Silly me, of course u mean professing his love to me. I think I understand. But I never meant for their marriage to break Thanks:)
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I dunno. It sounds like garden variety tepid-to-none interest to me.
willing Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 He may well believe that you had no love feelings for him, and has long since gotten over you. Or even if he has any feelings for you, he is cautious and reserved, since he knows how strongly he felt about you, but you did not reciprocate, but instead 'deleted' his declaration of love. Your subtle invitation now, after he is separated from his wife, to allow him back is not clear enough for him to feel safe to do so, or to trust that you feel the same way about him. I think his feelings got burned the first time. So either drop it, or be OPEN and tell him the reason why you are suddenly writing to him now, is to test the waters for a possible relationship, now that he appears to be available to pursue one since he is no longer with his wife. If you do not feel you can be that bold and open with him, then drop it.
fooled once Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Thing is he said that his parents had forced him to marry his cousin. And I don't go after married men. If I did won't I have relented before. Forced him? How? How about he is lying to you? If you don't go after married men, why are you continuing to message him; especially because you say you love him.
Lucky_One Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Sounds like he just plain isn't interested in you.
Author ilovemygrey Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Forced him? How? How about he is lying to you? If you don't go after married men, why are you continuing to message him; especially because you say you love him. Maybe he was lying to me or I dunno. And he is separated with his wife. And the reason I rejected him before was cuz he was with his wife.
Author ilovemygrey Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 I dunno. It sounds like garden variety tepid-to-none interest to me. u know u are rite
fooled once Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Find someone else and go on with your life. He may be separated; you don't know because he is ignoring you. Move on hon.
subdued Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 He may well believe that you had no love feelings for him, and has long since gotten over you. Or even if he has any feelings for you, he is cautious and reserved, since he knows how strongly he felt about you, but you did not reciprocate, but instead 'deleted' his declaration of love. Your subtle invitation now, after he is separated from his wife, to allow him back is not clear enough for him to feel safe to do so, or to trust that you feel the same way about him. I think his feelings got burned the first time. So either drop it, or be OPEN and tell him the reason why you are suddenly writing to him now, is to test the waters for a possible relationship, now that he appears to be available to pursue one since he is no longer with his wife. If you do not feel you can be that bold and open with him, then drop it. I agree. You should let him know that you do have feelings for him but did not act on them because he was married.
Angel1111 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Rule of thumb - if a guy keeps you guessing, walk away. The games he's playing are pretty typical. Some guys like to give you the silent treatment so that when they re-appear, you're so happy and grateful, you'll do anything to be with him. My guess is that when he told you he loved you, he was really just looking for someone to have an affair with. When that didn't work out and he since divorced or separated, he lost interest in you. Sounds cold but men can be just that. He will most likely re-establish contact with you at some point. I would recommend that you not respond to him ever again.
Angel1111 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I agree. You should let him know that you do have feelings for him but did not act on them because he was married. So, he wasn't bright enough to figure out that being married might've been an issue? Don't think so.
subdued Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Rule of thumb - if a guy keeps you guessing, walk away. The games he's playing are pretty typical. The question is who is the one playing games. The OP did not mention that she told him about her feelings for him in her e-mails or through Facebook. She just said she wrote lovely e-mails and told him she missed him. That doesn't sound very sincere. It's not as if she announced her love for him on Facebook like he had done for her.
fooled once Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Not to be vulgar, but he could have been drunk and horny when he wrote that and was looking to see if she was around and interested. He knows she has feelings for him and he knows if he "needs" a release, she will be there waiting for him.
Angel1111 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 The question is who is the one playing games. The OP did not mention that she told him about her feelings for him in her e-mails or through Facebook. She just said she wrote lovely e-mails and told him she missed him. That doesn't sound very sincere. It's not as if she announced her love for him on Facebook like he had done for her. If I recall correctly, he did that while he was still married and it could've been potentially embarassing and a huge deal all the way around. She wasn't playing games, she was appalled. The bottom line - that kind of thing wouldn't have deterred him anyway. If a man really wants to be with a woman and she is - at minimum sending warm and fuzzy messages - he'll hang on to the hope. He's not hanging on to anything here because his purpose all along was to use her.
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