armywife915 Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 My husband has a possibility of being deployed. He was the one who originaly wanted to wait to have a child as I was always the one who wanted one. I finally wrapped my mind around the idea of waiting until he was done school and now as he is away for a month he all of the sudden decides he doesn't want to wait. This is great, the normal fears are running through my head including deployment. My question is any wives or girlfriends who have children before their husband is deployed, was it easier for you since the child kept you busy or was it harder to be emotionally strong for another person? Any experience with this would be helpful to me. I m 95% sure I want to start trying but that little 5% sucks, however, I don't want to wait until 2014 when he is completely out. Thanks!
burningashes Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I myself don't have children nor is my boyfriend in the military. He was in the military for a while but quit to become a police officer, with the possibility of moving across the country to work for another city. I have friends who are in the military who have families. The most common complaints they've told me about regarding your question- is that, while the children does keep them busy, it's also actually worse because they know their husbands aren't there to see the children going through their milestones. Ie: first baby steps, to hear the baby say mama/dada and things like that. While it is a joyous journey that you go through, you not only must deal with your husband's absence, but also his absence from your child's life too. Wives have to deal with the children entirely on their own, especially if they also work, which is another story too during the deployment. I have so much respect for military families because of the dynamics they must deal with! However, there are ways to combat this: doing things like filming a little video of the baby taking first steps or making a recording of the baby saying dada and emailing it to your husband while he is away would help fill him in what's been going on. It makes it much more personal and keeps you guys close. It's up to you to decide whether it's worth going for it despite the sucky little 5%.
usmcwife0825 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 It's hard being a military wife, period. It's especially hard when you SO deploys. I don't think a child would make the deployment easier or go by faster simply because he would not be there to see him/her at birth, etc. I guess it really depends. I'm 6 months pregnant and my husband was facing deployment until recent health issues. The military does offer midwives, coaches, etc. So, if you do get pregnant and have a child while he is gone, there is a great support system in place for you. I had our daughter 6 months before he joined the marine corps. So he missed her first crawl, tooth, etc while in boot camp/MOS school. Even though they are close now, it was really hard on him and our family. At graduation, he wanted to hold her so bad, and all she did was cry. So, I say don't "wait" until he gets out, but wait until you know he's not deploying for awhile (I know, its hard.) Good luck.
tami-chan Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 The military life is a world of it's own. Being a military spouse is difficult in that the family has to deal with long stretches of absences, being uprooted from one place to another, the dangerous missions, dealing with possible death, not being able to plan for the holidays in advance, etc. That said...focusing on your children more will give you the reason to get up in the morning, get dressed and get going. As a mother, you do not have the luxury to mope around and feel "depressed"-little lives depend on you to do the right thing for them and while you will not do the right thing every single time, one must not stop trying.
Author armywife915 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I know it will be very sad for me for him to miss out a lot on the child I feel it would be better to miss out on the very beginning rather than when they are old enough to understand. My husband was an army brat and he hated when his father left. It's just hard because part of me wants to wait but I know I can't wait until 2014 and it's impossible to know that he won't deploy until he is completely out. I don't want to be that old. I have always said I wanted a child by 25 and now that may not even happen. Everything else in our life is ready for a child just this deployment scares me. I feel on the other hand that I shouldn't let the army run my life any more than it already does. So frustrating. Thank you for all your replies, I have so much to think about.
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