Nikki Sahagin Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Hey everyone. Me and my ex have been apart for near enough a couple of months now. My feelings during this time have ranged from hurt, devestation, anger, numbness, indifference, acceptance and back again. We broke up just before my exams and my birthday. I remember on the days of my exams, seeing people greeted by their boyfriends/girlfriends once they'd finished and celebrated, and feeling terribly alone remembering that only a little while ago I would have had him to text/call/contact and have someone enjoy my successes with me. Now I have been living my life. I do what I feel. If I want to go out I do. If I want to stay in I do. The emotions/thoughts are still there but half the time I don't understand them. I miss him, then I rationalise why I shouldn't, then I remember the friendship/relationship that we had before we both messed up, then I feel hurt/angry, almost like the world has done me a great injustice - this shouldn't have happened to US, everyone else yes, but us sort of feelings....you know, the feeling that you were 'different', that you should have made it! Now for example last night I went out and my friends car was stolen and they were badly beaten (I nearly got in the car but stayed out). Where I stayed out, fights broke out. And I was thinking to myself, if I had got in the car, and been hurt, would I ever have been able to contact him to tell him? Why do I even want to? Watching the fights etc, made me realise how immature/superficial so much of life is and how the only thing to me that seeemed guaranteed and lasting and perfect was the love we had - of course it wasn't perfect, but it was perfectly imperfect, I loved him so much. My problem is that whilst i'm moving on and living my life, and we are becoming strangers, I feel this pain in my chest thinking that he can't know anything about me anymore and what my life and the person that I am is becoming. Before our relationship, as friends, we talked about everything with each other, and now our lifes are meant to just part and we know nothing about each other? When something happens like it rains or a friend has a baby, he is the first person I want to contact. So much has happened that we would talk about; relationships breaking up, friends having babies, Michael Jackson's death, etc, and its like all of these things (and more) will pass without us sharing them together. Of course I have other people to talk to, but its hard to explain, we used to talk about everything in such a different way..... I almost want to sit in and not go out or do anything just so I feel nothing new is happening to me and then I wont feel that pain about him not being around to share it. That almost seems preferable to going out, having fun, and then thinking "I can't even tell him about my day" - is this normal?
Sbrizio Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Nikki, i don't know if it's normal, but i completely understand your feelings. I'm thinking the same about me and the girl i was with up to 3 days ago. I'm day 3 of NC, and the memories of our talkings comes constantly to my mind. We had (or so it seemed) the very same feeling you describe of uniqueness of the couple. We bouth though (and maybe we still both think) to be soulmates. Still, things are over now, and i wonder when and how possibly could i have the same empathic link with another girl. I have no answers. If we are lucky, those feelings are just signs of our resistance to moving on, and love will come one day, surprising us with a new intimate connection with someone other; I really hope it. But today i just feel i lost my soulmate. I feel for you..
LisaUk Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Nikki, the feelings you are having are totally normal. You miss him because you love him, you want to tell him things because you enjoyed his company and you miss the life you had with him. You cannot let these feelings stop you from going about your life though, try to remember the person he was when you broke up, not the person he was when you were together, that person is not in the building anymore. I'm assured by those that have been there before us, that this will get easier in time. I'm having the same experiences as you (my ex and I were together 18 years), it's incrediably hard and painful, but if he broke up with you, you cannot go back as much as you want to. There is nothing you can do, it was his decision and you muct not let him ruin your life. Don't allow him to control and affect the rest of your days, keep going out, enjoy yourself and when these feelings come, remind yourself that he is no longer the person you loved. Remember the person he was, mourn him, but don't forget the way he broke up with you.
Road To Joy Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 We're on the same boat here. I have gone through it all as well. Sadness, loneliness, loss, anger, betrayal, etc etc. and then finally acceptance. When I feel accepting, I get so excited. I think I'm SO close to finally letting it all go. And then the sadness and everything else comes creeping back in and it's the most discouraging thing to go through. IS it even normal to feel accepting and then suddenly back to sadness? But anyways, I know what you mean. The first month it was over for me is when this really bothered me. There would be a thunderstorm on my way home and I knew I couldn't text her to tell her. Or when that same month I planned a trip in July, and I can't tell her about that. Or the classes I'm taking... nothing. It still hurts some, but the past couple of weeks I really got it in my head that I can't and I probably never will tell her those things. Even small things like me scraping my knee, or a funny joke I heard. Or bigger things like the trip I mentioned before, and deaths of people I know (friends, family). Know what else I've noticed? I'll feel pretty happy with my life (the only thing is that feeling that tends to linger no matter what), and then I'll simply IMAGINE myself with another girl and I just don't feel it. This scares me! Will I ever be able to kiss someone else or be with anybody else without my ex being in my mind? Maybe I'm just not ready, and if that's the case I'm fine with it. I'll take as much time as I need but sometimes I just really wonder if I'll get over it ALL. I mean I certainly want to and all. I just hope my situation isn't different in a weird, psychologically twisted way. I don't want to be stuck in this forever, is what I'm trying to say.
stablesong Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 God, I'm going through so much of this too. Feels good to know that I'm not alone. Broke up with my ex a month ago, and I've been up and down constantly. Keep getting to a point where I'm getting pretty excited that I'm not thinking about her, and then it all comes flying back again. It seems like a natural part of the grieving process though.
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