tkgirl Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 So they say one defintion of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results... ugh.. I must be crazy then... or I just don't know what is going on with me. here's the dealio: I wrote here a while back about contacting an ex again. I did it more so for closure than anything else... I didn't like the way we left things and I wanted to clear the air so to speak. I also realized that after I sent it, it could also look like I wanted another chance with him... even though I was pretty sure I didn't. Well, since then he and I have exchanged a couple more emails... with him saying he didn't mean to hurt me, thought I was a great person and that maybe we could be friends. So I said yes.. even though there was a time I wanted more, I now realize that he's not the guy for me and I'm not the girl for him and that I would rather him in my life as just a friend than not at all.... yes, I actually did say that to him paper! But to be honest, I really didn't know what I wanted... I really liked this guy and he broke my heart... twice! So now this last week I was out in Cali and he emailed me asking when I was coming back. I didn't respond right away... just thought I'd do it when I got back.. which was a week away, but hey, I was on vacation and having fun! So a week goes by and I'm still in Cali and he emailed again... wanting to know if I was back yet. At this point I thought I better respond... anyways! So now I'm back and nothing again. I don't know what this guy wants from me. It's like we tried to be together before (twice) and it never worked out. To me it seemed that even though we like each other, we are just in different places in our lives and want different things. But yet we also can't seem to completely let go of each other... and here we are again, still doing this crazy dance... I'm sort of just venting but am open to hearing anyone's thoughts on this. Like if you've been there before... there's that certain someone that you can't seem to be with but also can't completely let go of...
loveslife Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Tkgirl, You're upset because he hasn't emailed since you've been back? How long has that been? Give it all a little time. He's said he doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. And you've said you realize he's not right for you. It just has to settle into its new groove. When a guy says he thinks you're better off as friends he pretty much always means that, no matter how nice he is to you after. I've been in situations with guys where we can't let go but we keep on hurting each other. And at the base of it the communication is just not good. And its always ended up better off as just friends. I think in order for it to be a romantic something that never gives during time then both parties need to be expressing some romantic feelings for one another. Otherwise, what it is really is one or two people who can't let go. Just my impression.
torranceshipman Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Hi there, I can't see where the dance is going on....I think he's just taken you at your word that you just want to be friends, and he is happy that you can hang out and have a friendship, so he's emailing you to say hey and when do you get back? I of course could be completely wrong!! - but maybe if you're reading so much into friendly emails and you still have so many feelings, maybe it's better for you if you don't encourage a big friendship with him right now? He sounds like a nice guy though - its' cool that he values your friendship, but don't read more into that than the literal words that he says, else you'll drive yourself mad!
dreamergrl Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think he started getting excited and wanted to get into the chase because you didn't respond so quick this time. I do agree, if those old feelings are starting to resurface, it's not good to try and have a friendship. Remember, you wanted closure.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Like if you've been there before... there's that certain someone that you can't seem to be with but also can't completely let go of... Yes. I'm there right now. It sucks. Considering that I understand where you're at right now, I agree with Dreamer that it's better to just not talk to said person.
Author tkgirl Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 thanks everyone... I really appreciate the input and advice a lot! First of all, I'm not upset he hasn't responded yet... didn't expect him to actually, at least not for a couple days anyways.... that's his usual MO. And second... the "friendship" thing. It's complicated... isn't it always? but the thing is HE is the one that has initiated contact with me, twice actually.. since things ended.. the second time... I told you... crazy! anyho.. he would say things how he missed me, wanted to see me... only to get scared or something. The second time is when I finally got mad and told him to leave me alone... and yea, then months later I was the one that contacted him... and yes, it was for closure.... I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's just hard... I had such strong feelings for this guy... I mean, he really is a good guy, just a tad scared of commitment maybe? It's funny because I just got done watching "Sex and The City" and it was the episode where Big is married but keeps calling Carrie saying he misses her... but she's with Aiden but ends up in bed with Big anyways... and says she must be "crazy" (or insane.. whatever) anyho.. I ended up in tears watching it... hit a little too close to home. And even wierder is how this guy used to tell me how much I looked like Carrie (SJP) and he looks like... Smith! ha, you thought I was going to say Big! yep, I've officially lost it now everyone...
IcemanJB Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Yes. I'm there right now. It sucks. Considering that I understand where you're at right now, I agree with Dreamer that it's better to just not talk to said person. x3 from the male's perspective. It does suck.
Author tkgirl Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 x3 from the male's perspective. It does suck. I'm so curious.. how does it suck for you, you know.. from your male perspective? If you care to tell us, that is!
Stark Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I'm so curious.. how does it suck for you, you know.. from your male perspective? If you care to tell us, that is! I'm guessing because for a male it's much harder to meet someone than it is for a female, and when you do find someone you like but stuff like having a different outlook on things gets in the way which ends up making things go bad, but the chemistry is there when you are together it's just that more annoying.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Hey TK, just came across your thread. Yes, your little dance is driving me crazy whenever you write on here with your little updates. It's like he wants you in his life but he doesn't want to be with you, and that's the sad part, because you are an absolutely amazing person. But how can one dance without a partner to accompany him? You were following his lead from the start, he pushes, and you pull, and when he pulled away, you followed suit with your reasoning that you guys are incompatible. What do you hope to gain from his friendship? I'm still questioning about you making a big deal out of not writing you back. You admitted that friendship is enough, but the way you worry about his non reply speaks volume about what you actually want. Is friendship suppose to drive you up the wall wondering about why they don't contact you? Do friendship make you push and pull like a tug of war?
IcemanJB Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I'm so curious.. how does it suck for you, you know.. from your male perspective? If you care to tell us, that is! Are you talking about the "sucking" part? Because no, I don't swing that way. Otherwise Stark pretty much nailed it head on. I was just saying I've been there/am there; where chemistry/attraction is obviously there but also at different points in life.
Author tkgirl Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Hey TK, just came across your thread. Yes, your little dance is driving me crazy whenever you write on here with your little updates. It's like he wants you in his life but he doesn't want to be with you, and that's the sad part, because you are an absolutely amazing person. But how can one dance without a partner to accompany him? You were following his lead from the start, he pushes, and you pull, and when he pulled away, you followed suit with your reasoning that you guys are incompatible. What do you hope to gain from his friendship? I'm still questioning about you making a big deal out of not writing you back. You admitted that friendship is enough, but the way you worry about his non reply speaks volume about what you actually want. Is friendship suppose to drive you up the wall wondering about why they don't contact you? Do friendship make you push and pull like a tug of war? hey paper! I was wondering when I'd hear from you it's funny that to you it seems I'm making a big deal out of not hearing back from him... because that's really not it at all... I don't think! it's more the fact that I even care! When I very first contacted him, I was more worried (?) that I could hear from him again, not when I would hear from him. Then this past week, I thought I did really good... I mean, he emailed me and asked when I was coming back from my trip and I didn't respond because I figured I'd wait until I got back. So almost a whole went by and then he sent me a second email asking if I was back yet... that's when I responded.... I thought I showed a lot of restraint myself! Anyways, I guess the point of my update is wondering if the friend thing is really going to work. I know I told you before that friendship can be possible... I think I just felt so much better after he I and started "talking" again so I may have gotten a little ahead of myself. To be honest, now I really don't know what the future holds for us... it just seems that both he and I have had a hard time completely letting go and I don't know what that's about. And until he and I actually get together, I won't know. The friendship thing sounds good on paper, but then I remember how much fun he is to make out with... so...??? So paper, I know my updates drive you crazy.. imagine how I feel! oh wait, I think you do know... but I hope things are going better on your end!
dreamergrl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Guys can be so darn complicated, and so full of drama. The tug of war. The other girls. The chase. Why can't it be easier! I think it's safe to say tho T, that friendship is probably not the bestest idea out there for you and Todd at this point. I can understand why this is eating away at you a bit. The best way to deal with it, in my opinion, is to think back to how it all made you feel last time.
Author tkgirl Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Are you talking about the "sucking" part? Because no, I don't swing that way. Otherwise Stark pretty much nailed it head on. I was just saying I've been there/am there; where chemistry/attraction is obviously there but also at different points in life. yeah, maybe "suck" was a poor choice of words! It's interesting to me that guys can feel the same about it. It's like we have to remind ourselves if it was really meant to be, it would be... but that isn't always so easy to accept...
Author tkgirl Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Guys can be so darn complicated, and so full of drama. The tug of war. The other girls. The chase. Why can't it be easier! I think it's safe to say tho T, that friendship is probably not the bestest idea out there for you and T at this point. I can understand why this is eating away at you a bit. The best way to deal with it, in my opinion, is to think back to how it all made you feel last time. hey dreamer! you mean "T"? yeah, like I said... being "friends" might sound good on paper, but probably not just yet... I guess it's good I'm not hearing from him then, right?
dreamergrl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Umm yeah... Dreamers brain isn't working well this morning. :o Anyways.. yeah I do think it's good he's not responding right now! Some feelings weren't healed yet.
Author tkgirl Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Umm yeah... Dreamers brain isn't working well this morning. :oAnyways.. yeah I do think it's good he's not responding right now! Some feelings weren't healed yet. no worries.. I was just messing with ya!
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