Lishy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Your boyfriend is a mixture of my last 2 exes This is going to get worse for you trust me! You have seen nothing yet You are 2 months into it and he has gotten you into a state where you cant even end it and are sending him fake texts so you dont upset him My advice is this.... Send him a text or call him (not face to face) and tell him it is OVER, do not sugar coat it and tell him not to call you anymore. Then change your numbers and do not contact him I doubt you will do this as I dont think you are ready yet but trust me that is the only way to get rid of him. I had to get an injuction in the end but I hung around far too long, dont make the same mistake! He will NEVER change and likely he has a BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) read up about it or try Dr Irenes Abuse Site, that helped me heaps! Run! Infact, sprint away as fast as you can!
Author Lake of fire Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 The reason I haven't done it yet, I realised the EXACT reason, is that I REALLY just wanted to believe in him, that it was all okay, that it was all lovely... But I've got to open my eyes and look at reality...and that's where you have all helped me so much... It's all becoming a lot clearer now... ~ Lake of fire ~
Lishy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I believe that you have not done it because he has you sucked in and has made your self esteem so low that you feel you cant do without him If you are serious then make the call or send the text. If you do it face to face he will sucker you back. It is what he does best
sugarmomma Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Keep posting and keep dealing with him and it will get even more clearer. Painfully more clearer. Pain is the great motivator for most abuse victims unfortunately.
Author Lake of fire Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Well...I haven't sent a text back and that has been hard enough, not to respond to his apologetic sweet words or send a text good night... But I've done it... It was funny...earlier I saw my friend, she said hi and asked if I might kindly give her some advice about a woman she knows who left her feeling like she had no self-esteem and eroded it...and instantly I was saying, leave her, get out now, you have to protect yourself... Maybe I'll just go back and read my own posts and pretend that somebody else wrote them and I'm dishing out the advice... I just know though, that if I send a text, a part of me will feel like he's thinking I'm a sucker who's taken the bait...and I will lose a little less power So it's been hard but I've done it... Lishy...thank you for your advice, from somebody who has been there - the thing is, he was really sweet at first, but I can see very clearly that it was all about how we were the perfect couple, I was the best thing in his life, I brought him sunshine...all of this made me feel very dependent upon him and I guess that may have been the whole idea... Thank you everyone - now I'm gonna have to come off here or I'll never get back to sleep - I just cannot believe all the advice I have been given. Listen, don't give me anymore until I come back with something positive for you, only I can do the walking away and I've had more than enough encouragement here...and it's just gonna get infuriating if you give me all this sweet advice and then I'm not strong enough to do it! I really just don't want to be one of those women who says "but I love him...." I know I can do better and I don't deserve to be abused in any way - but the most I can do at the moment is nothing...I won't touch the phone! Hoping I will tell you I have done the right thing soon... ~ Lake of fire ~
Author Lake of fire Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 And the sad fact of the matter is, I thought or I fooled myself, that I would need to send a text back not to hurt his feelings... More than once, I haven't really wanted to text back but I've felt as if I have to...it's almost as if I'm feeling utterly controlled by them We never speak on the phone - we just text back and forth... I'm just realising though, it's almost as if I do fear all those sweet words being snatched away, like Lishy said, it's almost as if I feel like I can't live without them now, I've been so sucked in and THAT's the truth and that's why it's so hard... ~ Lake of fire ~
Lishy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 His sweet words make you feel worth something and loved BUT when you do not play ball he takes it all away from you! He suckers you in with constant texts and when they stop you feel dejected! I have been there and it too me ages to get out of it as it was an addictive relationship. Toxic and addictive! Please get out, you are lucky he has shown his cards so early in!
Mary3 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 At this moment I will not try to offer much advice at your request. But I * get it * when you say just not answering the phone is the first step. It IS ! Because you were vulnerable and felt you needed to respond to his texts. He may not like this but once I again I suggest ( oops advice , lol ) that you have him as a FRIEND not as a bf , that way you have more freedom and can be civil to him if you want. But mark my words, he won't want you as a friend , as he is sleeping with you and the best way is to end this. This was my temporary bandaid advice until you can sever all ties with him.
Author Lake of fire Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Hey thanks Also for whoever said, he may treat me like his dad treated his mum, it's strange, I remember him saying, though he adores his mum, whenever he goes round there, it's terrible, he just falls asleep in a chair... So maybe he's treating me like his mum was treated... I will keep you all informed... ~ Lake of fire ~
Lishy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Ask yourself one question ... Why are you putting off the inevitable? My sis said that to me when I kept making excuses not to leave my ex and it made me make the step!
Author Lake of fire Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 I just wanted to let you all know, your words have not fallen upon deaf ears, you really talked some sense into me and I'm doing my very best to love myself, care for myself, have fun, be myself, did some yoga, went to the hairdresser ( the man cut it beautifully which has made me feel a million dollars better ) and above all not let myself be controlled...if I don't feel like texting back I won't do it... And in a way I'm feeling fine... But I'm starting to feel very worried as well, things are all rushing, I feel smothered...I didn't respond to his texts, three arrived in succession, the final one said " Hello beautiful I am waiting for a repeat of Saturday night ( first time we did it ) it was amazing hoping it is going to get even better have I made you blush yet honey been looking on the internet for places for us to stay we will have to sit down together and decide on somewhere lots and lots of love" ....then he said check your email and there was an email there about the place where he wanted to go on holiday and he wrote that he wanted to make it up for upsetting me, he really does care for me... I don't know what to do! In a way I feel like screaming...I don't know how to break it off without being harsh, cruel and mean... I feel utterly smothered but for now I'm just going to bury my head in the sand and try to forget about it... I feel like I'm being carried along on a wave and a tide and I'm powerless to stop the rushing of the water... The good news is though...I've hardly texted at all, but it isn't making any difference, in fact it is only making him keener! Whether he is abusive or not, it still seems a bit weird...would you consider it strange? I'm thinking maybe I should give him a chance and see, he could have just been acting strange because his friend was so ill... Please help me here somebody! Thank you all... ~ Lake of fire ~ ps...hey I really know what the answer is...just it seems like a damn hard test I have been set this time...
Author Lake of fire Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 I'm also going to colour my hair lighter, join the gym again and see all of my friends...I'm fighting against being sucked in by all of this...real hard ~ Lake of fire ~
Lishy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 OK I am going to be blunt Why are you not telling him it is over? why are you letting a man you have been with 2 MONTHS have this hold over you? why are you worried about being blunt to him when he treats you like a fool time and time again? I cant understand what you want us to say now Lake, I really cant. I am not being cruel here but I dont know what you want from us Get rid of him!
Author Lake of fire Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Okay Lishy I'll do it... I think all this coming into the forums, thinking about it over and over is making me worse really - I'll come back in with good news for you when I've done it! We shall meet again... I'll be back! Young, free and single again... ~ Lake of fire ~
Lishy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Honey dont let me or anyone force you to do anything. Only ever do what is right for YOU and not just because people think thats what you should do
Lostgurl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Lake of fire, I've been with a man like this for 5 years. Get out, and stop delaying it. I've been doing it for 5 years, and now after all the sh*t we've been through, including a massive 1.5 year bout of despression (which is what will happen to you if you continue to let him make you feel worthless with all those horrible things he says) I am numb, my love for him (or what i wanted us to be) is pretty much entirely gone. But i'm still stuck. So go now, while it's easier! Because it's only going to get harder as time passes, believe me. I'm terrible at giving advice, but I hope that this reaches you somehow. I know exactly what you are feeling. It's just better to go now. Don't be stupid like me and wait for things to get better. Because they will only get worse. Please don't text him. Don't even bother telling him it's over. Avoid him. If you try to break it off with him, he'll suck you back in.
Lishy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 She needs to tell him ONCE it is over or he will not know why he is being ignored After that NO CONTACT!
Author Lake of fire Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Lishy I am not usually like this, so pathetic, or I hadn't been for a long time, I used to be the very opposite so I know I can become that way again...happened that when I met him my self-esteem was at its very lowest... You've all knocked a lot of sense into me here and helped me see the reality rather than the dream and I'm very grateful for that... You really have helped...whatever happens, I know that I will NEVER let myself be controlled again or let anybody have that hold over me and I will post back soon... Wishing you the very best and thanks again - you've all posted just what I needed to hear... ~ Lake of fire ~
Lishy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Good for you Lake - I wish you all the strength you need my love xx
Lostgurl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 She needs to tell him ONCE it is over or he will not know why he is being ignored After that NO CONTACT! Yeah but but i don't think that she should chance it. She has a soft spot for this guy, and i'm worried that if he uses his "nice guy" mask, and starts on with his sweet talk, she might postpone it again, know what i'm saying? I think it would be best for her to not answer him at all, until he finally takes the hint. Getting a new phone number might help.
Author Lake of fire Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Aw thank you Lostgurl your words have really reached me tonight and helped me and I'm praying you have the strength to leave now... I am so grateful to you, your advice means so much from one who has been there...
Author Lake of fire Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Another thing is though...he is my sister's husbands friend and he knows my sister and brother quite well and some of our mutual friends which makes it far more awkward...~ sigh ~ it would be much easier otherwise...they are all telling me how nice a guy he is...what will they all think if I change my phone number though it would have been a good idea otherwise... Thanks ~ Lake of fire ~
Lishy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Put them straight! After how he has treated you they wont th9ink that anymore will they! Stand up and be counted Lake
Author Lake of fire Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 You're right Lishy! I know they will believe me, my brother already thinks I should break it off... I will report back in soon! Thank you ever so much again...I'm going to calm down now while I think of what to do next and how to do it... ~ Lake ~ x x x
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