torranceshipman Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I've seen this mentioned on a few threads now, so thought I'd raise it in a separate thread...I've seen quite a few posters say that a guy is no good if he just texts, and that it is a huge red flag. I personally don't understand this - as I am more than happy to only text a guy that I am interested in, and then to enjoy eachothers company and talking and so on on the date itself. I guess I am a big texter with all my friends, too, and am more than happy to communicate for most of the time by text/email. It's pretty convenient, I guess, and fits very well into a busy life. I never considered it a red flag from a dating perspective until I kept seeing comments about it on here...what does everyone else think - is it really that bad?
Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Some people love texting; some people don't. To me, it suggests a degree of casualness. I think if you're serious about someone, you pick up the phone and make that verbal connection. And another step up from that is spending time together in person. Texting is less real than phone or in-person communication.
Island Girl Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Some people love texting; some people don't. To me, it suggests a degree of casualness. I think if you're serious about someone, you pick up the phone and make that verbal connection. And another step up from that is spending time together in person. Texting is less real than phone or in-person communication. Exactly. Someone can text while having a conversation with someone else, watching a movie, etc. You do not get undivided attention and you should - especially in the beginning of a relationship. Too often we see young people coming here to LS without a clue as to what non-verbal cues mean or how to interact with each other face to face. We'll probably see this get worse the way things are going. Texts do not have tone and can easily be misinterpreted. This may not be something you experience with your friends because you know them well. You know how they talk...so it translates. If a guy expects attention from you then he should give it 100% and have to put in the effort. Just as you should show him the same consideration. It is overused in a big way. Just like putting "LOL" after everything. Everything isn't "Laugh Out Loud" funny. But I see it being used as a way to excuse away offense or deflect the real sharing of emotion/insecurities, etc. ALL the time. It's really ridiculous. And seriously a lot of the younger people who text pop in here and can't type out their thoughts in real English. That is so sad. Grammatical errors abound and late is continually "L8" and that is just one example. You should have real conversations. If a guy is going to try to chat you up he should at the very least dial the phone and pay attention the entire time.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I love texting! I text all the time I would get married by text if you could... lol
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Exactly. Someone can text while having a conversation with someone else, watching a movie, etc. You do not get undivided attention and you should - especially in the beginning of a relationship. Too often we see young people coming here to LS without a clue as to what non-verbal cues mean or how to interact with each other face to face. We'll probably see this get worse the way things are going. Texts do not have tone and can easily be misinterpreted. This may not be something you experience with your friends because you know them well. You know how they talk...so it translates. If a guy expects attention from you then he should give it 100% and have to put in the effort. Just as you should show him the same consideration. It is overused in a big way. Just like putting "LOL" after everything. Everything isn't "Laugh Out Loud" funny. But I see it being used as a way to excuse away offense or deflect the real sharing of emotion/insecurities, etc. ALL the time. It's really ridiculous. And seriously a lot of the younger people who text pop in here and can't type out their thoughts in real English. That is so sad. Grammatical errors abound and late is continually "L8" and that is just one example. You should have real conversations. If a guy is going to try to chat you up he should at the very least dial the phone and pay attention the entire time. Excellent post, Island Girl! It is true that young people are having a harder time with face to face communications. They are not being socialized properly. (I sound like my grandmother!). Another problem with all the online and texting communication is that people are losing the ability to handle difficult personal experiences. Dumping someone via text or email allows you to avoid seeing a sad person. It also allows you to avoid developing empathy for others. Let's say you are a guy who wants to ask a girl out. You can never develop the ability to be cool and collected if you don't practice. Those are just a couple of examples. Texting serves certain functions very well. Letting someone know you will be late. Communicating when you are in a crowded or loud venue. It really isn't for asking people out on dates or to gauge your relationship status, IMO.
Author torranceshipman Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 Interesting comments! I honestly never thought of it like that. In fact, I like it when I see my man's name pop up in the from box - its so cute - with a little message attached, but that's just me..I suppose if I wasn't so comfortable doing it myself, maybe I would object to a man doing it too. I've never really seen a pattern in the men I've dated between keenness and whether they used phone or text, but maybe I just don't pay attention!! Maybe it's a generational thing?
norajane Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 If you carry on your relationship via text, you need to be prepared to be dumped via text.
layla.ann Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think that texting is fine, after a phone call and a date or two. I love to text and I am genrally more comfortable texting, but I feel like if I guy does not have the guts to pick up the phone and call the first time contact is made, its just not a good situation. I think texting should be saved for once the relationship is a little more established. It's easy to misread someone over text or email and its really not the best way to get to know someone.
BobSacamento Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think texting is fine in the beginning. After a few dates I'm pretty sure where it's going to go with the woman so I have no problem blabbing on the phone for no reason about nothing if it makes her happy.
AlektraClementine Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I have no problem with texting as long as there is a balance. Verbal or phone communication, as well as in person dates. It translates well as Island Girl pointed out when it's someone you know very well. It doesn't however, when it's someone you just met. I suspect it also helps those who cannot face reaction in real time. It's much easier on the ego to be turned down for a date via text, rather than actually having to hear the tone in the voice or the look on the face when she/he says "no". My fiance and I text all the time. But we call just as much. I'm 31 btw.
Trialbyfire Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Exactly. Someone can text while having a conversation with someone else, watching a movie, etc. You do not get undivided attention and you should - especially in the beginning of a relationship. Too often we see young people coming here to LS without a clue as to what non-verbal cues mean or how to interact with each other face to face. We'll probably see this get worse the way things are going. Texts do not have tone and can easily be misinterpreted. This may not be something you experience with your friends because you know them well. You know how they talk...so it translates. If a guy expects attention from you then he should give it 100% and have to put in the effort. Just as you should show him the same consideration. It is overused in a big way. Just like putting "LOL" after everything. Everything isn't "Laugh Out Loud" funny. But I see it being used as a way to excuse away offense or deflect the real sharing of emotion/insecurities, etc. ALL the time. It's really ridiculous. And seriously a lot of the younger people who text pop in here and can't type out their thoughts in real English. That is so sad. Grammatical errors abound and late is continually "L8" and that is just one example. You should have real conversations. If a guy is going to try to chat you up he should at the very least dial the phone and pay attention the entire time.Absolutely! Like any online/cyber medium, it's too easy to do just about anything and multiple anythings, while texting, emailing or IMing!
BobSacamento Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think this is the epic struggle. Guys want face to face interaction (Because we know at least there's a chance of getting laid). Women want to blab on the phone. Are you really going to blame guys for trying to come up with a compromise?
loveslife Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think text messages are fine to a degree. But they're really impersonal. I have never been asked out on a date via text and I doubt I'd be at all thrilled. Recently, I was asked out via email. It felt kind of odd even though it was someone I already knew. Maybe it's generational, maybe it's what we're used to. But either way I don't think it's a step in the right direction. I read someplace that one of the signs someone is emotionally unavailable is if they conduct most relationships exclusively or almost exclusively through emails and/or text messages. That made sense to me.
Asami Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Exactly. Someone can text while having a conversation with someone else, watching a movie, etc. You do not get undivided attention and you should - especially in the beginning of a relationship. Too often we see young people coming here to LS without a clue as to what non-verbal cues mean or how to interact with each other face to face. We'll probably see this get worse the way things are going. Texts do not have tone and can easily be misinterpreted. This may not be something you experience with your friends because you know them well. You know how they talk...so it translates. If a guy expects attention from you then he should give it 100% and have to put in the effort. Just as you should show him the same consideration. It is overused in a big way. Just like putting "LOL" after everything. Everything isn't "Laugh Out Loud" funny. But I see it being used as a way to excuse away offense or deflect the real sharing of emotion/insecurities, etc. ALL the time. It's really ridiculous. And seriously a lot of the younger people who text pop in here and can't type out their thoughts in real English. That is so sad. Grammatical errors abound and late is continually "L8" and that is just one example. You should have real conversations. If a guy is going to try to chat you up he should at the very least dial the phone and pay attention the entire time. Good post! islandgirl, you pretty much summed up how I feel about texting..I can't stand the grammatical errors and excuse to erase offenses that would have been dected if the conversation was say..over the phone.
Lyssa Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I prefer hearing his voice over texting! There's nothing wrong in sending a text but when it comes to asking out for a date, talking things over - it is best done over the phone or better, in person.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I definitely think it is a generational thing. I'm 32, and never in a million years would I accept an invitation for a date via text. In a relationship, I think the only function of texting is to supplement healthy communication otherwise -- with little sweet messages to brighten up your day, and with quick status updates like "The train is running slow. I'll be there at 4:30." Oh, and of course sexting is fun to get you all hot and bothered before the event. I am one of the few people I know who texts in complete sentences with no Internet speak and abbreviations.
Author torranceshipman Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 I still retain my happiness and willingness to communicate by text - under the proviso of course that I am seeing the guy in person often....interesting that I seem to be in a minority, though! In the really early days of a R, I often prefer texting a guy actually, than speaking to him, as I like to be brief and just have convenience when setting up a date - then save all the great in person stuff for the actual date...not sure if that is unusual but it works fine for me. Mind you when the R has become more established I'd expect more phone time, for sure. I do have to say, however, that if said guy ever engaged in annoying text speak, I wouldn't date him...texts have to be written with good grammar, and have some substance.
385 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I text only if it's for casual conversation. Other wise I spend face time or talk on the phone. In the really early days of a R, I often prefer texting a guy actually, than speaking to him, as I like to be brief and just have convenience when setting up a date - then save all the great in person stuff for the actual date...not sure if that is unusual but it works fine for me. Mind you when the R has become more established I'd expect more phone time, for sure. I do agree with this though. Texting is much more convenient to set up dates because what happens a lot is, I call the other person, they are busy so I go to their machine, I leave a message telling them what times I'm available. Later they call me back but I'm busy, and they go to my answering machine telling me what time they can make it. And then I call them back, but they are busy, etc... You never get a solid response. But text, you can always get a solid response - even if the other person is busy.
IcemanJB Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I don't mind texting at all, but refuse to talk about really important things over it. I hate talking on the phone, so face-to-face is my thing. Setting up a date over text also doesn't seem like a big deal to me. One girl I dated caught on to the fact that if she started to text me some deep stuff, I'd usually respond with "let's talk in person". I think that if I hadn't done this, the breakup could easily have happened over text which is just terrible. That sort of thing SCREAMS "coward".
Shygirl15 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Only people who lack confidence, have major insecurity issues, or very immature would rely on texting as a way of communicating. Texting few times a day is fine but I know couples who can go on and on for days with just texting and no real conversation between them. They quarrel, make up, plan dates, and practically run the whole relationship through text. And when they meet face to face? Complete strangers with very little to nothing to say to one another. Very unhealthy.
me003 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 because you can be on a date, go to the bathroom and text another girls or boy. You can also be on a date with someone and pretend that you are texting your boss and in reality be texting a girl/boy. You can be on the phone with your GF/BF and be texting another girls/boy. Also, texting leaves no proof that you are talkign to anyone incase you are married or in a serious relationship. Simple erase teh message. No record on cell phone bill. I LOVE texting because you can be anywhere and with anyone and noone has to listen to your conversation. However, it is also a good way to cheat.
Island Girl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Also, texting leaves no proof that you are talkign to anyone incase you are married or in a serious relationship. Simple erase teh message. No record on cell phone bill. Text records are always available through the provider. There are records for just about everything you do in life.
sugarmomma Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I never text whole conversations. And there should also be a balance where we also talk over the phone or in person. If I think aguy is totally relying on texts I just ignore him. Tells me either he doesn't want to get to know me personally or if afraid and lacks communication skills.
Author torranceshipman Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 I think I understand now...I also agree that texts are NO place for any serious discussion or any discussion that requires a lot of verbage - I certainly wouldn't do that. I've never had a guy make that faux pas. I actually thought people were referring to their wholesale dislike for any texting from a guy - e.g. for when a guy sets up a simple date by text, asks how you are, flirting, etc....so maybe most people are actually on the same page that the simple stuff is all fine - it's the emotional/important stuff that warrants a phone call....
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