Bumbles Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I spend most my time on a computer, it's not only a hobby, its a career choice, and a lifestyle. I don't get out much so its probably understandable why I'm posting this topic in this particular forum. I've had a few LDR's, and they all ended up in me breaking a girl's heart. I'm not going to boast, The reason its so hard on them is because I'm the perfect guy. In their opinion. But usually they just aren't right for me. So I dump them. And they bawl their eyes out. And I feel like an *******. At this point I'm scared to love because I don't want to hurt her. Usually its the other way around. I met someone else. I have feelings for her, and I know for a fact that she feels the same. But I fear that when [if] we separate, that I'm going to be the one doing it, and I'm going to feel like even more of an ******* for the rest of my life. I'm scared to love. Should I start "Dating," her? Please help.
hoping2heal Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Just curious, what are examples of some of the reasons the girls in the past have not been right for you? Are all these women online LDR's or not?
ladylyra Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I agree with yellowvenus. Date her, have fun, and take your time. If you choose not to date her just because you're scared of hurting her feelings you could miss out on something great. I'm going through a similar situation so I'll keep checking this thread for more advice.
whimsical_memory Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I spend most my time on a computer, it's not only a hobby, its a career choice, and a lifestyle. I don't get out much so its probably understandable why I'm posting this topic in this particular forum. I've had a few LDR's, and they all ended up in me breaking a girl's heart. I'm not going to boast, The reason its so hard on them is because I'm the perfect guy . In their opinion. But usually they just aren't right for me. So I dump them. And they bawl their eyes out. And I feel like an *******. At this point I'm scared to love because I don't want to hurt her. Usually its the other way around. I met someone else. I have feelings for her, and I know for a fact that she feels the same. But I fear that when [if] we separate, that I'm going to be the one doing it, and I'm going to feel like even more of an ******* for the rest of my life. I'm scared to love. Should I start "Dating," her? Please help. Sorry, but I'll warn you now- you won't like my answer. I am going to say this in the nicest way possible. I think you're full of s*** when you claim to be the 'perfect' guy. I think what is really going on is, you 'meet' these women online, and hey, you can be whoever/whatever you/they want. And so you start communicating with them and golly bum..you really mean what you're telling them ...even though it might not all be the truth. So, when things start to get a little more serious; you break things off and thus break the woman's heart. I think that if you were the 'perfect' guy, you would not need to find women online. And that really is just my opinion. And we all know that opinions are like buttholes. Everyone has one and unless you've just taken a shower and an enema it's gonna stink. So, my advice to you would be to not 'date' this person, but instead try to find why you feel safer in an online/LDR relationship. And I am not saying that LDR/online relationships don't work out, because occasionally they do (I have several friends that met/married their spouses via online). But, they do not seem to be working out for you, which leads me to think that it is something deeper than you being the 'perfect' guy.
hoping2heal Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I agree with the topic of your post. "Afraid to love" I think you very much are. The reason I wanted examples of why the other women weren't right for you, is I suspected there probably were no actual concrete reasons on their behalf. You may act perfect and put on a show, but that is just a facade to hide the real you. I think you're aware you do this, and that's the real reason things never work out. It's a form of self sabotage, and I used to do it for many years. That's why I can so easily call it when I see it. I think you know yourself enough to know you're going to repeat the behavior, and that's what has you worried. You are afraid of intimacy it seems, instead of hurting another person, why not resolve that issue or work on resolving it with her. Believe me, nothing feels better than someone who knows all your negatives and bad sides, and loves you anyway.
sugarmomma Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I think you need some serious counseling. You're this perfect guy that just keeps breaking hearts. Get over yourself!! Sounds like an egomaniac with low self esteem and a total inability to connect with someone of the opposite sex.
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