RavenHair Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I posted a while back regarding my husband and his ultimatums and my increasing unhappiness...well, I finally left him back in January. I thought it was obvious that we wouldn't talk anymore, but he called about two weeks after I left to tell me that he "wanted me to come back, but I probably wouldn't". I told him that if he wants to visit, then he should come back to our home state. He gave me the run around and then he did what he normally does, rake me over the coals about everything that went wrong and not take any responsibility for anything he did. That conversation didn't go well, but he called me back a few weeks after that. It was the same thing, only this time, he asked me what I thought I was doing and that he wasn't going to wait for me forever. I never went back to him and he continued to call periodically - not to discuss or resolve anything, but to argue about old things, which was really odd. After about two and a half months of this, we got into a really big argument where he told me I was a mistake and he should have never married me. I stopped taking his phone calls after that and we didn't speak until recently when I filed for the divorce. He contacted me out of nowhere on the day that I filed. I didn't return his calls, but he kept calling. Then he called on the day that he got served and I decided to call him back to see what he wanted. Our conversation was surprisingly pleasant (considering that we've never had one before), however, I found myself wondering why he was really calling. He started talking about how he missed me and that he wanted a wife that was going to "move with him and be happy". He still doesn't understand that I want to increase my education and have a career also. Then at the end of the conversation, he asked me what I wanted him to do with the divorce papers. I told him that I'd advise him to contact the court's clerk and ask them how to proceed. I don't know if he thought our talking would make me change my mind or what. Then he kept calling. The last time, he text messaged me asking "how long we were going to stay in limbo". Basically, he said he wanted me to move back to be with him. However, I told him that I wasn't going to go back to him if things were going to be the way they were before. I don't want to be controlled or belittled or lied to or given ultimatums. I told him that if he wanted me back, he had to do something to show that things would be different. He then turned it around on me and started arguing with me about how he's not going to do anything while I just sit there and do nothing. Unfortunately, I continued to talk to him, but I felt myself wondering why. I felt like I'd been pulled back into a bad place. I found myself looking for him to call or email me, but I haven't heard from him since Tuesday - and that was by text. Anyway, I guess my questions are, if I was such a mistake to him, why did he continue to try to contact me? Does he want me to withdraw the divorce petition to really work it out, or is he just playing games? I'm feeling silly about this, and I think I already know what's going on here, but it would be nice to get some other opinions.
TooMuchLoveToGive Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 ... it sounds to me like he wants it to work out "his" way. Which to me isn't the same as working things out. I think you need to stick to your guns. He sounds like he wants you to tag along in HIS life, rather than having each of you be a partner in each other's lives.
Gunny376 Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Your intellectuality incompatible. He's still learning to do basic elementary math, and your doing calculus! Regardless of emotional attachments? Its like trying to mix oil and water! It just won't work! The physical and emotional attraction and attachment may be there? But intellectually? It won't! And, if you don't have that? The other attraction and attachment will fail!
LisaUk Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Sounds like he wants to work things out, but doesn't know how to communicate with you. Suggest MC and see if you can hash this out there?
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