notsureaboutthis Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I'm new here and really like some of the advice people give. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 mos. and wander if his behavior is normal. He's not a weirdo or anything that's scary like that but he doesn't have a lot of friends like most guys do. His spare time is spent reading, and even when we go out he's always talking about things that guys his age don't seem to care about (he's 25, i'm 23). If you looked at him, you would think that he wasn't like this. I don't know, I mean I think I like him a lot as he treats me well and is very fit and cute, but my girlfriends think it's kind of strange. Do they make any sense or is my guy okay? Should it bother me that he's different from other guys I've been with? I've been wandering lately...
MN randomguy Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Depends, How large of priority is it for you to appease your friends? He could maybe be slightly asperger's if you think its really out there. But, look at what you want. If he's good to you, but your friends want you to dump him and get someone that will entertain them... Maybe you need new friends.
lovebubble Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 i can't really base if he is normal or not off of that information. the fact that he dosen't have a lot of friends could be an indication to bigger things.. or he might perfer his time alone, in which case, is normal. if everything else about him appears to be normal then i would have to assume that he is normal.
Sevenscars Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 He is intelligent and mature! I can tell just by what you are saying about him... so what if he doesn't have friends! It's better to have one good friend than ten mediocre friends anyway.
BobSacamento Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Is the problem really that he has no friends or do you think he's smothering you? Honestly, as men grow older I think if they are focusing on their careers and futures and such the need for friends isn't really that necessary. The only thing I need friends for right now is someone to go to bars with to cruise women. And perhaps to move me out of an apartment.
Thornton Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Would you really prefer a guy who spends all his time with his friends and acts like a total ass, rather than a sweet but serious and quiet sort of guy like your bf? I would rather have a guy who spends time with me (and with any future kids) than a guy who spends all his time running off to bars with his buddies. Tbh if you don't have an appreciation of how enjoyable it is to have time alone and just read, perhaps you're not the right girl for this guy. He would probably be better off with a bookish sort of girl who thinks he's incredibly mature and intelligent, and who has an interest in his intellectual topics of conversation. You would probably prefer a popular guy with loads of friends rather than someone like your bf who's a little geeky and quiet. Some girls actually consider a guy being bookish and quiet to be a bonus!
stepka Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 If he weren't too young for me, I'd take him. That's the kind of men I prefer. Of course he's normal if that's the only thing that bothers you. If he has trouble looking people in the eye, it could be Asperger's but just bookish? Nah, that's a preference.
alpha wizard Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 You'd be lucky if he wasn't normal. It might just be that he doesn't like sports and he votes.
Author notsureaboutthis Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 I guess your all right. I thnk it's just me letting my friends make me worry. He's actually a great person and my problem is that i've never dated someone like that before. He doesn't like bars so that would explain why not so many friends. I didn't think I would meet someone like this when I didn't expect it. I guess I'm just afraid to face that he might be the one.
missdependant Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Why worry about what they think? If he makes YOU happy, and he's not hurting anyone I don't see the big deal. Not everyone wants a HUGE friend circle.. usually it brings on a lot more drama than just having a couple of close friends. If anything, the fact that he reads is a good thing; not a lot of people have the desire to read. Sounds like an intellectual guy. What exactly do your friends find strange about him? Is it simply the fact that he doesn't have a lot of friends? The fact that he reads instead of spending hours and hours getting into trouble with friends or getting wasted at the bars? FYI: not a lot of 25 year olds like the bars. They're expensive, and getting wasted sort of loses it's appeal once it's legal (in my experience anyway). Hell, I'm only going to be 23, and I HATE the bars. If there's any other advice I can give you, it's don't judge your boyfriend based on your past relationships or your friend's opinions (unless he's doing something to hurt them). Everyone's different. Your exes are your exes, and usually for good reason. Let him be himself. If that means treating you well, then you have struck gold. ;-)
norajane Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I thnk it's just me letting my friends make me worry. Are your friends in solid, long-term relationships with good guys who treat them well? Or are they all just hooking up with guys they meet in bars and "falling in love" and getting dumped or dumping guys, constant guy drama? Your friends aren't going to be the ones who will fall in love with you and start a family with you. So while they're all drinking in bars weekend after weekend and hoping to meet a good guy, you'll already have one and will be enjoying your life with him. Many of those friends of yours won't be in your life 5 or 10 years from now, despite how close you are now. What will you care then what they thought of your bf?
Lauriebell82 Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 IMO it's what YOU think of him, not your friends. I've learned that letting friends, family, coworkers, ect. give their own opinions on your relationship is not always the best idea. Go with what your feelings are, what you think of the relationship. It's after all just the TWO of you, not anyone else. Actually the guy seems pretty nice. Like others have said, you generally don't want a boyfriend who is going to act like he is single, going to bars with his friends all the time getting trashed. What about his past relationships? Do you know if he has had other girlfriends? Using my own example, my fiance has a lot of freinds who he likes to go out with. This is in turn due to the fact throughout high school they were all kind of "dorks" and didn't really have girlfriends or anyone outside of their little clan. So it was an adjustment that when we started dating he was pretty obsessed with them. He is still very close to them, but we have worked it out and are very happy. Okay, didn't mean to get so into it. My best advice is to go with what you think about him. You think he's sweet and nice? Awesome! Go with that.
AlektraClementine Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 From what you've described (which is very little), he sounds WAY more interesting than your average 25 year old. Now if he's recluse and smother-y with you, that could be an issue.
aboynamedmike Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I agree with the girl's post above me. He sounds like a good different type of guy. You should be glad you found someone UNIQUE! But you gotta like him for who he is, don't try and change him or hide him. If you're looking for a 'normal' 25 yr old boyfriend, go to the bar and look for the guy in the striped button down shirt or obnoxiously tight polo.
Lauriebell82 Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I agree with the girl's post above me. He sounds like a good different type of guy. You should be glad you found someone UNIQUE! But you gotta like him for who he is, don't try and change him or hide him. If you're looking for a 'normal' 25 yr old boyfriend, go to the bar and look for the guy in the striped button down shirt or obnoxiously tight polo. Don't forget the gelled up hair and a cigarette in one hand, beer in the other.
huck Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Define ' Normal ' ??? If hes a nice guy, treats you well and you like him - who cares what people/your friends think...
Trialbyfire Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 People can have friends but not need to be attached at the hip. Having said that, if he has no friends, I would be concerned about either a codependency scenario, where he makes you his life, or someone who's really selfish with his time which translates to many other selfish qualities. As long as he's prioritizing you and the two of you have reasonable boundaries with each other, it's all good! Also, if it's not a codependency or hermit situation, give me a knowledgable reader anyday. It's swoonable stuff!
JustLooking123 Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Is he happy with how he is? Some people are just more introverted, less social, etc. by nature. As long as he is fine with it, I'd probably consider it "normal" (whatever that means). Another question is, are you okay with how he is? I wouldn't let your friend's opinions sway you, if both you and he are pleased with how things are.
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