EddieN Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I'm going to try to bring all my thoughts together and look for what I'm missing when it comes to girls. Some events tonight made me think and one thing led to another, so now I'd like to ask anyone here. This will probably be pretty long. Before I start, let me say that I'm not trying to be conceited and an egomaniac. If I speak highly of myself, I'm merely trying to lay my attractive qualities out so you all know. Based on these, I want to figure out what my negative qualities are - what's going wrong. I'm not in a rush to meet a girl who I can be in a relationship with, but I see other guys and the success they're having and I wonder how am I different from them? In high school I was a loner. Very shy and picked on in the beginning. Then I started coming out of my shell a bit by the second half. In high school, though, I never kissed a girl, never went hung out with a girl, or never had a sip of alcohol. I had a few friends that I played in a band with and that's it. The guys that are successful now all seemed to start that success in high school. I've just been starting the last two years, since I started college. Anyway, I look at a guy who's successful with attractive girls my age, and I see these things: -He is outgoing -Smiles a lot -Is confident -Fit and usually pretty handsome -Has a lot of friends and a big social circle Then I look at myself and I see some of those things. I can be reserved when I want or I can be outgoing when I want. The other day I was at a party where I only knew 1 person, but I managed to get familiar with most of the people there. I smile a lot. There's almost always something to laugh at or smile at. I don't find that to be a problem. I feel confident, but I'm not sure how others interpret it. I have a history of being misinterpreted, and I don't know why. I also don't focus on any one girl or get too hooked on one. I'll chat with one, then go chat with another, and then another. I'm out just to socialize with people. Essentially, when I talk to a girl I like, I have the smooth mindset of I'm talking like I would with anyone...you're a cool guy that people like, just be yourself. Here's why I put in the clause about not meaning to sound conceited - I'm good looking and very fit and tall. I didn't realize that until last summer or so...before then I wasn't too confident in my looks. I used to work as a waiter at a chain restaurant. Almost every day I worked, I would get a compliment from a woman, usually aged 35+. One told me I should be in movies, another wrote on the check after she left something like, "A guy like you shouldn't be working here :)" It's all flattering and they helped build confidence in myself after years of being self-conscious. I'm just wondering why older women would always say that stuff but I never had attractive girls my age flirting with me. Now the last thing is what I don't have. I don't have several options every weekend to go to clubs and parties. My text message inbox rarely fills up. I have a a few groups of people that I see every day during the school year based on the activities I do. I'll do things with these people, but during the summer things get pretty dry for me. Even during the school year though, I don't meet many new people, because I rarely go to parties. Ok, now put all this together. The guys that are successful with girls my age - the ones that have a bunch of attractive girls contacting them - well, they're not that different from me except for the last aspect. What are they doing differently that gets them so much success and me none? I attract some girls, but ones I'm not attracted to. Whenever I see a girl I like, I try to make eye contact and smile, but she NEVER notices me. Honestly, I had some social trouble in high school, and while it might be shallow, I think I'd be right in using my looks to my advantage in the beginning, just to get my foot in the door and learn a bit before I start relying more on personality than looks. Mentors have told me, "You're a stunning guy...just smile at girls and they'll want to talk to you." Well I do that, but no cigar. I've wrote enough. I'd like to read some responses. And thanks in advance.
Isolde Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 You sound like another kid that used to post here. For starters, the worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others. I used to do that and it got me asking the wrong kinds of questions. Some of TBF's advice has been really monumental in changing the way I look at things. She always asks what you bring to the table and if you're looking for things you can't give to a potential partner. For example, I was looking for confident, outgoing guys at a time when I didn't have those things to offer. That's just one half of the equation, though. The other part is a combination of meeting the right people at the right time in such a way that you learn about others and learn about how you relate to others. Hopefully on the way, you'll find someone compatible. That's how I choose to see it, anyway.
start-fresh Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 You sound like another kid that used to post here. I agree. I've thought that in some of his other threads as well, mainly when he talks about his "sport" as he puts it.
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