Isolde Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 would make you not ask her for another date? I hate asking these generalized questions, but I feel like this could be helpful for a lot of LS ladies. I also ask because if I felt reasonable attraction to a guy and I "liked" him overall, I would always go on a second date, even if I doubted that we clicked on a deeper level.
alpha wizard Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Obsession with movies, television, and sports turns me off. Unhealthy eating habits and not voting is disparaging, too.
alphamale Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 would make you not ask her for another date? if she's a vegetarianhas more than two catsreligious or political fanaticshows signs of mental instabilitytoo defensivedoesn't dress right or doesn't know how to use make upisn't feminine enougheats with her mouth openasks too many personal questions on first dateobviously looking to get married and have kids by next weekdoesn't pay attention to me, flirts with other guysbecomes nasty after having 3 drinkssays that her work is her lifetries to dominate me or tells me what to do (i.e. doesn't let me lead)makes a fuss over everything/histrionicssays that all men are hopeless/worthlesscan't take jokes or has no sense of humourdoesn't know how to flirt or isn't sensuoustoo professional or conservativetalks smack about all her ex boyfriends/husbandsif she has kids and she says "my kids comes first"lacks class and/or grace (i.e. couldn't take her to a fancy party)comes off like she's mad at the worldisn't nuturing or says she doesn't like kids/animals/peopleorders the most expensive thing on the menu for dinnersays that all her friends are mensays that she's addicted to all those lame female shows on TVisn't aware of world events or gets her news from Cosmodoesn't drink alcohol at all
Author Isolde Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 That is the longest post alpha has ever written.
loveslife Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think most of the time it's just because they're not feeling "it." He just doesn't want a second date. I mean, can you explain why - after you try a new food you don't have it a second time? You just don't want to have it again - even if it's reasonably tasty. To me, this is an odd question. Does it really matter why? Do you think that if women knew why they could "do better"? It could be anything. In my opinion, the best we can do is be ourselves and hope that we connect well with someone else who is being themself.
Author Isolde Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 Don't take this thread so seriously. Alpha, for example, provided some good insights above Do you guys even have the concept of a fun thread? If you think I ask dumb questions, please don't answer them.
BobSacamento Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Uhhh this is really hard. Attraction and Nice. What more do you need? lol I would say if I didn't ask the person out again it would have to be because of cowardice. Fear of blowing it really.
kdark Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Don't take this thread so seriously. Alpha, for example, provided some good insights above Do you guys even have the concept of a fun thread? If you think I ask dumb questions, please don't answer them. I always assumed you were always up for a heavy, deep, intellectual debate on a topic, Isolde. You usually ask very cerebral and specific questions, questions that are far from dumb. To answer your question, if I am attracted to her, she is nice, and I am single, and we just went on a first date, I won't take no for an answer for a second date. But the majority of the time I don't ask for second dates are because I'm just not feeling it. The connection just wasn't there. Or she breaks one of my many deal breakers, which is a list MUCH different from alphas...
Author Isolde Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 I always assumed you were always up for a heavy, deep, intellectual debate on a topic, Isolde. You usually ask very cerebral and specific questions, questions that are far from dumb. To answer your question, if I am attracted to her, she is nice, and I am single, and we just went on a first date, I won't take no for an answer for a second date. But the majority of the time I don't ask for second dates are because I'm just not feeling it. The connection just wasn't there. Or she breaks one of my many deal breakers, which is a list MUCH different from alphas... Thanks kdark, but I decided to stop trying to spark heavy debates because I saw where that ended on my last post. "just not feeling it..." fair enough. I never said that didn't happen a lot... but I feel that people on this forum are always trying to encourage others to give a decent date a "second chance." I guess my question is, What kind of incompatibilities would make you not want to give someone a second chance?
loveslife Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 What kind of incompatibilities would make you not want to give someone a second chance? Hi Isolde, I really wasn't saying you ask dumb questions or think there's anything wrong with you at all. Just think this line of questioning is odd. But in a way that's because of the thought I've been giving this topic recently myself. There have been some guys in my life that are perfect for me on paper. We have tons in common, they make a good living and are fiscally responsible, they would never cheat or intentionally hurt me. And yet these guys often do hurt me a great deal. Then there's a guy who is completely wrong for me on paper in a lot of ways. But to me he is perfect for me. A part of what I really like about him is his honesty and how forthright he is about who he is. Basically, he's like, this is who I am and I'm not going to pretend to be anything different. And, he's also always been forthright about his feelings for me and what he wants. I've never had to guess with him. It can take a really long time to get to really know someone. But I feel if you follow your heart it will lead you in the right direction. I also think that we attract to us people who are at a similar place as us and, to use an overused expression, on the same wavelength. So, for me, I think the best we can do is be the best us we can be and the rest happens naturally. If you asked me about a dealbreaker, I'd say the guy shouldn't be a smoker. And yet this guy I care about IS a smoker. And even though I'd like him to quit, with him it's really less important than it might have been with someone else. I really think making lists of likes and dislikes, dos and donts and such doesn't work for me. I have been proven wrong too often with these things. That's all. Just my perspective.
Author Isolde Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 Thanks loveslife. I see the context of your first post now. Good luck with this guy; keep your eyes open as always of course, but enjoy it. Very true that we attract people in a similar 'place' to us... I was just thinking that recently.
kdark Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think you are misunderstanding what a dealbreaker really is, loveslife. I csn say for certain, that if I found out today that my girlfriend was against gay marriage, I would leave her today. Doesn't matter if she is the nicest, most attractive, and most wealthy woman in the world. I have done this with women before, and will easily do it again. I make it a point to find this out as soon as possible in the dating process. In general, I look to the way she treats others around her other than me. How she treats her family, her friends who call her, whether she's on good terms with her family, etc... But then again, I'm much different from many guys my age in regards to what I'm attracted to. I prefer the quirky, different, and slightly dorky, and interesting women to the classically attractive women who frequent bars and clubs. I've seen your picture Isolde, and if in real life you are similar to how you are on LoveShack, you would absolutely get a second date from me...
loveslife Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Thanks loveslife. I see the context of your first post now. Good luck with this guy; keep your eyes open as always of course, but enjoy it. Very true that we attract people in a similar 'place' to us... I was just thinking that recently. Thanks Isolde, both for being open to understanding where my perspective came from and also for the support on my situation. I am trying to keep both my eyes and my heart open. I recently find myself doing lots of things I never thought I would and being more open. We'll see what that ultimately attracts. Meanwhile, it is interesting to hear what people feel they will and will not tolerate in relationships.
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