Island Girl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Okay IG, 6 out of 10 or 3 out of 5. Either way they are some cheating mofos. My new motto is why buy the pig when all I need is a little sausage!! I still smell a rat!! He took his drawers off his body and stashed them!! I agree something is rotten here. And using them for a rag...? "I need a rag. Oh, you know what? I'll just go all the way back into the bedroom to grab those ripped underwear that I have been saving for just this occasion." In my experience when I guy needs a rag he goes the shortest possible distance to find what will work. And I don't know any that hang on to ripped underwear for rags. They hang on to ripped underwear only because they still wear said underwear.
Nightmare Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I agree something is rotten here. And using them for a rag...? "I need a rag. Oh, you know what? I'll just go all the way back into the bedroom to grab those ripped underwear that I have been saving for just this occasion." In my experience when I guy needs a rag he goes the shortest possible distance to find what will work. And I don't know any that hang on to ripped underwear for rags. They hang on to ripped underwear only because they still wear said underwear. I can tell you that I have used my old underwear as rags for the car before. I think I wouldnt say anything about them at this point. But if you have that gut feeling somethings going on you should start digging into anything he might be hiding. Asking him now with really no proof is going to make him hide anything that may be going on and you may never know the truth.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I agree with nightmare. Stash his panties and start digging around. That conversation is going to go no differently than any other time you've asked a question that he's lied about. just curious... what else is in the cabinet? could it be that they were in his hunting gear from the last camping trip?
dgiirl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I do agree the underwear sounds more like he used them for a rag. Men are weird like that. My main concern is your lack of (justifiable) trust in him. He's broken your trust at least twice now? Even after you threatening to divorce him if he cheated again, and he still did it. You backed down from your promise. I do not understand people's suggestion to look for proof. What kind of relationship are you living if you have to keep looking for proof? What will hard cold in your face proof do to solve your trust issues? You simply do not trust him. That should be enough proof for you to know your relationship is not working. Personally, I would leave. But for the sake of the child, I think you both need to get back into counseling. Address the fact that for whatever reason, you still have trust issues. That, in and of itself, is a serious issue both you and your husband need to address.
sugarmomma Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I do agree the underwear sounds more like he used them for a rag. Men are weird like that. . He hasn't even said that they were used for a rag!! We have already given him an excuse. What if he knows his wife is on LS? He can come right home and say "oh yea I took them off and used them for a rag" and she would probably buy it!! Come on people!!!
tami-chan Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 LOL.."I smell a rag, I mean a rat", sugarmomma, you are cracking me up!:lmao: sorry, OP, this thread has some hilarious responses!...and I know this is a serious issue to you. Why would anyone use an underwear as a rag? That's just not right. And why does that underwear in question have a hole in the backside? that is really strange . I think the H was up to no good...
Nightmare Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 LOL.."I smell a rag, I mean a rat", sugarmomma, you are cracking me up!:lmao: sorry, OP, this thread has some hilarious responses!...and I know this is a serious issue to you. Why would anyone use an underwear as a rag? That's just not right. And why does that underwear in question have a hole in the backside? that is really strange . I think the H was up to no good... Im just saying I have used underwear as a rag numerous times. Im also a car freak and I always need rags. Ive also used an old pair of underwear to stain/varnish a table. I agree that you should not pass this off as an excuse. I think you have other reasons that you think he might be cheating. I just think presenting this underwear may cause you to ruin any chance of the truth. If you present underwear of his as your only "proof" of him cheating hes going to deny anything and go into more secrecy if he really is cheating. Dont even mention the undies and start to monitor his behavior. You have reasons to believe hes cheating and alot of times those feelings are correct. They were in my case.
dgiirl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 He hasn't even said that they were used for a rag!! We have already given him an excuse. Well, I know from personal experience that men have used old undies and tshirts as rags. Which could also explain the rip in the undies, the leaves and the proximity to the outdoors. Plus, what kind of dumbass is the husband if he goes has sex with a mistress and brings the undies home and hides it in a cabinet his wife passes every single day? That's a lot less logical than the rag excuse which many people hear say they've done themselves.
Jilly Bean Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I still really don't get how an old pair of dirty and ripped boxers is a sure sign of cheating. This all has to be a joke. It makes completely no sense.
Heroic Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Anything with more than 3 holes in it goes into my rag pile.
Athena Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I do agree with what you have said about if he wasn't a complete idiot he would not have forgotten the evidence. Especially since he needs to walk past that cabinet to get to the car, walk our dogs etc. It's not like it's out of sight out of mind. I can't imagine hiding something for a reason like that and forgetting about it. You would think if he felt guilt it would weigh on him and he would remember. Maybe I'm dealing with someone who simply feels no guilt and is so detatched from reality and what he is doing that he's careless. For what it's worth, let me share my story with you-- My H has cheated several times in his first marriage, and several times in our marriage (8 affairs in our M)... at the first D-day I was devastated but forgave him because he showed regret and remorse... and because I know he has 'issues' and a weak side to his character esp where self-esteem is concerned. Then I became depressed and felt powerless, but after the + /- 6th affair (D-Day 3 or 4? I forget) I told him that the next time he had an A, I would Divorce him... well, blow me down if he not only had another A, but left the photos up on the computer screen as thumbnail pics for me to LOOK at... pictures of his job abroad... but at the end of them, pics of him and his lover. Now, with your H you wonder how he could 'forget' when he walks past the cabinet with the undies? You wonder about his guilt and how he could not remember? It is possible... my H 'forgot' the incriminating photos of his lover and then he invited me to look at the photos, and called them up as thumbnail images (which I didn't know how to do) he also stated there were photos at the END... that's where the lover's pics were... The counselor said his guilt was causing him to get caught. That he WANTED to be 'found out' because he couldn't handle the guilt... That in the past, he had found it 'easy' to lie to me about his A's, but things had changed over the past few years, and subconsciously he wanted to be caught... It happens... people 'mistakenly' leave the evidence out... trust me, if someone did not want to be caught, they would go to extreme lengths to destroy/cover up all evidence. Your H cannot handle the two sides to him... he needs help, he knows this, and is giving you justification to confront him/catch him. He's getting careless for a reason. I highly doubt that he just so happened to need a cloth and hid it, and he also happens to be doing subversive sexual activity in the M.... I think he is guilty of something. And -- yes, trust your gut feeling. Does he use the computer much? Cell phone? Why not put a keylogger on the computer, and moniter his cell phone usage? People on the boards here talk of putting a voice activated recorder in the car and at home (where he spends private time) to see what you can come up with. And -- don't have unprotected sex with him.
LakesideDream Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Anything with more than 3 holes in it goes into my rag pile. Ditto! That's a habit I better change if I get married again. I've got tidy whities that are thin from washing with bleach that holes sprout all by themselves. They go right into the rag pail by the dryer. I wouldn't want that rag pail mined for "evidence" by a psycotic spouse. Then again I'm not a cheater.
her_halo_slipped Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I have no idea what to make of this and need to just vent and see what others think. I don't know what to think. You would think if he really had something to hide he would throw them away, not stash them somewhere I walk by every day five times a day. I don't ever have to go in that cabinet though outside for anything. Insight? I'm thinking the worst of course. There are a million different reasons his boxers are there. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. I think the easiest way to find out is to ask him. He will not be expecting such a question so watch his body language closely as you ambush him. You will surely be able to spot a lie a mile away. Then the battle begins. Of course if you get an answer that seems honest ....at least you will know. If you do....post it. I am as curious as you are.
Trimmer Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 He hasn't even said that they were used for a rag!! We have already given him an excuse. Conversely, he hasn't yet said anything, and we've already given him a crime! Well, I know from personal experience that men have used old undies and tshirts as rags. Which could also explain the rip in the undies, the leaves and the proximity to the outdoors. Plus, what kind of dumbass is the husband if he goes has sex with a mistress and brings the undies home and hides it in a cabinet his wife passes every single day? That's a lot less logical than the rag excuse which many people hear say they've done themselves. My thought, too... I know that you have a history with him, and obviously you have serious trust problems, but you have to take several incredible leaps to build these boxers into evidence of cheating... I think you need to sniff them - make sure you know what the evidence really is.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Could be he made a huge poo-poo and was embarrassed by it.
Trimmer Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Could be he made a huge poo-poo and was embarrassed by it. That's what I'm sayin'... You gotta sniff 'em to be sure.
Athena Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Lyssa, your picture avatar was cuter than Pierce Brosnan...
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Lyssa, your picture avatar was cuter than Pierce Brosnan... Thanks, Athena. If it was the one prior to Pierce Brosnan, that would have been me . I'm crazy about PB and Richard Gere .
Athena Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Thanks, Athena. If it was the one prior to Pierce Brosnan, that would have been me . I'm crazy about PB and Richard Gere . Yes, it was the one prior to PB, and I figured it was you , but you only had it up for such a short time!
Lucky_One Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 "We have had issues before. I caught him calling women on phone sex lines when we were engaged and he swore he would never do it again. I feel so stupid because since then, I caught him again (found a number on a phone bill). He also has a porn habit that I can't stand but that he says is just a "guy" thing. I made him go to therapy as a condition of us staying married and he hasn't been in a while." Am I the only one who thinks is weird to make a guy go to counseling as a condition of being married because he uses porn to masturbate? I am wondering if the OP has some serious sexual hang-ups and issues? I wouldn't be wild about phone sex lines, but mainly because they are so expensive! So they have been married for years, she caught him on phone sex lines while engaged, and saw one number one time since then on the phone bill. This, coupled with porn use, makes him so untrustworthy that a discarded pair of boxers gets this sort of attention?
Athena Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Am I the only one who thinks is weird to make a guy go to counseling as a condition of being married because he uses porn to masturbate? I am wondering if the OP has some serious sexual hang-ups and issues? Hmm, I didn't read it like that... I read it that she insisted he go for counseling because of the 'issues' she's had with him before -- that of sneaking behind her back, doing phone sex. We have had issues before. I caught him calling women on phone sex lines when we were engaged and he swore he would never do it again. I feel so stupid because since then, I caught him again (found a number on a phone bill). He also has a porn habit that I can't stand but that he says is just a "guy" thing. I made him go to therapy as a condition of us staying married and he hasn't been in a while. I don't know how long these boxers have been out there, but I would guess a month or longer probably. The patio is near the garage where he comes in after work so I can't help but wonder if he stashed them there before he came in from work. My question is why they would be off of him at all!!!
Athena Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 "We have had issues before. I caught him calling women on phone sex lines when we were engaged and he swore he would never do it again. I feel so stupid because since then, I caught him again (found a number on a phone bill). He also has a porn habit that I can't stand but that he says is just a "guy" thing. I made him go to therapy as a condition of us staying married and he hasn't been in a while." Am I the only one who thinks is weird to make a guy go to counseling as a condition of being married because he uses porn to masturbate? I am wondering if the OP has some serious sexual hang-ups and issues? I wouldn't be wild about phone sex lines, but mainly because they are so expensive! So they have been married for years, she caught him on phone sex lines while engaged, and saw one number one time since then on the phone bill. This, coupled with porn use, makes him so untrustworthy that a discarded pair of boxers gets this sort of attention? Okay, after I posted I saw your edited version with the new intro paragraph and the final paragraph... She may have some issue which is overblown, I don't know, but I do know this: When your spouse lies to you and gaslights you, it can drive you crazy... you tend to get more suspicious and a little bit paranoid... and it is those Lies that makes him 'so untrustworthy' in the end... I have no idea how to even bring it up because in the past when I have caught him in things, he has managed to try to lie to me in such a way that I start to think I'm going crazy. I usually figure out a way to get the truth out of him though. The last time I caught him with the phone sex thing, I was about a day away from filing for divorce because I couldn't imagine dealing with this over and over again. We have a child too which makes it all that much harder.
Owl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 OK, I've read through the thread, and here's where I'm lost. What is it about these underwear that make you suspect "something"...specifically? I get that they were wadded up in a wierd place...don't take me wrong. What do you SUSPECT caused them to be so dirty, and have the hole that you described? I can't imagine a reason why a hole in someone's underwear would make anyone suspect much of anything. The only thing I could come up with is if you suspected he had a "reason" for having a hole torn in the back of his drawers...like for some kind of easy access (YIKES!!!). What were they dirty from? Was it dirt, grease, poo...what? By themselves, they seem like an oddity, but nothing incriminating unless there's more to this equation. I get that he's been engaged in a lot of bad behavior...don't take me wrong. I just don't get the tie in from that issue to your "find" in the cabinet. I personally agree with the "point blank question him about why they're dirty and in the cabinet"...as long as you suspect you'll be able to see when he lies about it. If not...no value in pressing the issue. But I'm just lost as to HOW you see a tie in between these and whatever 'else' he's been doing wrong?
Athena Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 But I'm just lost as to HOW you see a tie in between these and whatever 'else' he's been doing wrong? For me, it's because it is an item of clothing that is closely associated with her H's genitals and the Last Item that should be removed from his body, especially when outside the house, especially when coming home late... For instance, if it were a sweater, or a sock... no problem... but here is a liar, with a fixation on Sex, known to go outside the M for his sexual needs to be fulfilled (phone sex) and covering up stuff he does until his W goes crazy, and then she discovers some dirty undies with a suspicious hole 'ripped' into the back of the boxers... yes... she's wondering if it's for easy sexual access or what, she said she's not taking anything off the table... You know, if my son had to leave some dirty torn undies hidden away somewhere outside, I wouldn't think suspiciously of him at all, but if it were my husband.... what with his pattern of cheating and lying... I would surely wonder if his hidden underpants meant anything significant... so it's not JUST the fact that it's dirty torn boxers -- it's also the bigger picture -- a man who lies a lot, a man with a sexual addiction, a married man coming home late at night and hiding torn dirty undies in a cabinet... all very questionable. Ah well, I guess it's all about Perspective!
Owl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I'm not saying that her H's behavior isn't suspiscious, Athena. Not at all. And I would agree that leaving his boxers ANYWHERE outside the house is extremely odd and worth questioning. I'm simply pointing out that I don't understand what she thinks he did to get his boxers in such a state? I'm one of those guys who also uses pretty much any discarded clothing item as a rag...I tend to throw them all into a rag bin that I keep in my workshop. They can get used for darn near anything, and that could be an explanation if her H has any kind of habit of using clothing in a similar fashion. That's why I asked what they were dirty with. If he'd thrown them back to use specifically as a rag sometime ago, and she finds them NOW, torn and covered in axle grease... Or if they're covered in poo, I'd wonder if he shat himself and didn't want to wear them into the house? I just don't quite get what she thinks he could have done (wrong) that could have resulted in his drawers being in the state they're in?
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