t1r3d Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 My girlfriend never puts me first in anything. She puts her work, friends and two kids in front of me (in that order). I of course am expected to be a fill in daddy and always be at her beck and call. She never says "I love you" and always has excuses for it. She complains about our relationship being boring, but always cancels plans I try to make and then somehow the problems are my fault. I'm just tired of being on a roller coaster ride with her. I need some advice. T
You'reasian Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 My girlfriend never puts me first in anything. She puts her work, friends and two kids in front of me (in that order). I of course am expected to be a fill in daddy and always be at her beck and call. She never says "I love you" and always has excuses for it. She complains about our relationship being boring, but always cancels plans I try to make and then somehow the problems are my fault. I'm just tired of being on a roller coaster ride with her. I need some advice. T She's got alot on her shoulders - maybe a professional job and two kids, not easy for a single mom. I'd back off if I were you, let her take care of what she needs to and live your own life for the mean time. Go meet some more women, but let them know you've got a girlfriend... its a win/win situation.
Trialbyfire Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 She's got alot on her shoulders - maybe a professional job and two kids, not easy for a single mom. I'd back off if I were you, let her take care of what she needs to and live your own life for the mean time. Go meet some more women, but let them know you've got a girlfriend... its a win/win situation.So you`re advising him to cheat? That`s disgusting. If you`re not getting what you need from a relationship, move on.
AdamO Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Think of the reason you got together with her in the first place and what positive things about here that you have discovered since and ask yourself if it's really worth the troubles and/or the time and energy needed to improve your relationship. If it is, I'd suggest having a long talk with her about her priorities, cause without a good foundation in your relationship, which includes understanding the other person and his/her behaviour, the plans you come up with are basically bound to fail before they even take place. If it's not worth it, leave, simple as that! (You should probably let her know why though)
burningashes Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 The other posters gave you good advice. Sit her down and have a talk to her about how you feel. You don't say how long you've been dating her, so I'm going to assume it's been a while now. You can say you've earned the right to be more of a priority, most definitely more than her friends. You feel like you're being taken for granted because you aren't a priority in her life. Understandably she has two kids and a job to worry about- that's fine but she shouldn't be walking all over you. Stop being a doormat- be more assertive in what your needs are or this relationship isn't going to work because there is no communciation going on here. Otherwise, I would suggest that you move on if nothing changes, because she won't change and make room for you in her life.
You'reasian Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 So you`re advising him to cheat? That`s disgusting. If you`re not getting what you need from a relationship, move on. I never used the word "cheat" neither did I advise him to start another relationship. Instead, I suggested that he go out, meet a few female friends, be honest about his current dating status (if the OP is truly in that status) and let his gf come to him, if she's really into him. If she's interested, she'll persue. If not, he can have a discussion with the gf, explain where he's at, find out where she's at and resolve it then and there.
Trialbyfire Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I never used the word "cheat" neither did I advise him to start another relationship. Instead, I suggested that he go out, meet a few female friends, be honest about his current dating status (assuming the OP is in that status) and let his gf come to him. If she's interested, she'll persuit.If you aren't advising him to "cheat", then part of your advice should have included breaking off the relationship with his g/f with clear communications to his g/f, of why. This doesn't mean he can't continue to date the g/f and date others, if they're all okay with multi-dating. A relationship includes monogamy, if an open relationship wasn't defined at the time.
You'reasian Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 If you aren't advising him to "cheat", then part of your advice should have included breaking off the relationship with his g/f with clear communications to his g/f, of why. This doesn't mean he can't continue to date the g/f and date others, if they're all okay with multi-dating. A relationship includes monogamy, if an open relationship wasn't defined at the time. He doesn't have to break off the relationship. If he gives her time and distance - and she makes no effort to persue him, the two can sit down and discuss the future direction of the relationship, if any. A relationship does not default at monogamy if it wasn't defined at the time. Why do females get headaches if a guy brings up a "define the relationship" talk yet assume (like yourself) that they are in a monogamous relationship if not previously defined? Why do you back track to say that the relationship wasn't defined at a point when a little cheating was involved on your part yet get extremely jealous when your man doesn't care and is out sewing his oats? lol Women don't want to the chase to be about the man. They want to chase the relationship.
asireen Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Are they your biological kids? If not, move on. You are correct when you say she treats you like a second class citizen. If the kids (or one of them) are your biological kids, suck it up and raise the kids together till they are 18 years old. If not, get the hell out as fast as you can. You are very lucky you are not married. She is taking you for granted.
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