Maxis Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I was just curious about other people's opinions on this. I'm the kind of guy that feels like I should discuss something new before I do it with my girlfriend. For example, assuming I had never touched 2nd base before, I would most likely ask her if she trusts me enough and is comfortable enough with the idea before actually doing it. I feel like it's better than rushing things and simply doing it out of the blue, perhaps making her feel uncomfortable. Now, my question is...is it weird that I do this? She said she appreciates the fact that I share my thoughts and put out my intentions instead of just "going for it," because she knows that I have a shy personality, and that sharing my thoughts on these kinds of topics kind of make me completely red in the face. I ask this mainly because I have friends that tell me that it's a weird thing to do, and that I should just simply do it. They say to just do it, and if she feels uncomfortable, that I could stop then and there. I've always just thought that it would be more considerate of me to talk first. She matters so incredibly much to me that I want to avoid ever making her uncomfortable around me as much as possible, as well as avoid risking the trust she tells me that she feels with me. So then, any opinions?
hoping2heal Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I don't see their being anything wrong with that. I think it's nice .
Bayern Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 It's not weird. Like "hoping2heal" said, it is actually nice. The problem is how different some girls are. In some ways it might show you do not have confidence (true or not). Some enjoy the spontaneous sweeping off their feet in a passionate kiss or whatever. I can see it helping impede progress, but not really hurting you much.
boogieboy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I dont like it. Mainly because Ive always waited for the girls body language cues to know when to move to the next base. You asking is sweet at first, but you will probably turn her off if you keep asking in the future. Women like it when you go for it, because it means you know when to go for it, when they want you to. Asking ruins that. Were not mind readers, but sometimes we have to be. (Which is why most of the men on this site are here.) Not only that, but youre not practicing waiting for her body language cues. If you get her turned on enough, she will make the moves, if you can be patient.
Author Maxis Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 It's not that I ask for or talk about everything before I do them. Kissing and literally sweeping her off her feet randomly and other stuff like that I did/do without asking first. It's the more sexual stuff that I feel like I should make sure for. It's mainly because she had a bad relationship in the past that I know about, where she got freaked out by the guy's advances and basically avoided him like the plague. I worry that I'll end up freaking her out like that. The other thing is that I'm really the first SERIOUS guy she's been out with (the past relationship is a little complicated, but just know that it wasn't really serious). Because of this, she's also pretty naive about the more sexual stuff. I even had to explain the baseball bases analogy to her, although I do realize the whole bases thing is rather general and doesn't apply to every relationship (It just seems like an easier method of explaining things). Anyways, with girls in the past, they've given me cues based on body language that I could pick up because they knew of the steps. The girlfriend I have now really hasn't had any experience with anything past kissing until me, so I find her body signals to be very few and far between, hence why I feel like talking it over with her seems a better choice. Alright, good example of what I mean is...in the process of going to 2nd base with her. I talked to her about it, made sure she was comfortable with it, etc. etc.. The example comes in now. Afterwards, she told me she wasn't aware couples did things like that. I don't mind explaining things to her and I even think her naivete is adorable, and I love her to death. Because of the naivete, I worry that if i suddenly do something without talking about it, it'll scare her away. As to why she's naive to this degree at our age...I'll just say she's lived a very sheltered life. Anymore opinions anyone?
Intricategirl Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Keep doing what you're doing. I grew up in a VERY sheltered home, and by the time I went to college, I still didn't understand even the most basic mechanics of how sex works. As a result, I got involved with and married to a guy that was more sexually advanced than I was. And he was ready to start experimenting with some fairly hardcore stuff. Because of my background, I had no clue what was normal and what was not, and landed myself in a marriage where I was sexually assaulted for 13 years with a guy who considers "humiliation" a turn-on and demanded that I perform sexual acts without giving in return. It still affects me, and I suspect it will for some time to come. The thought of having a guy go down on me is mortifying, but hardcore S&M or some of the more outlandish fetish stuff- no problem. And I'm not trying to be funny here. I'm dead serious, and I'm working on getting okay with the normal stuff that I was denied for too many years. But the reason I say keep doing what you're doing is because I just met a guy who doesn't even know my background yet, and asked if I'd like to cuddle, then after we spent some time kissing, asked if he was moving too fast for me. I couldn't tell him "NO!" fast enough. And when I told him I was going home, he knew it meant without him, but he also knew that one of these nights, it wouldn't be, and he accepted it. And I LOVED it. For me, I can't stress what a MASSIVE turn on it is having a guy non-verbally express, "It'll kill me, but I'll wait. Because when that no turns into a yes, you're going to be uncontrollable." Look, you said you think it's considerate, she said she appreciates it. There's your answer.
Bayern Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I didn't realize this was something you are doing specifically for this girl. If so, and you have a legitimate reason, then you're in the clear. Nothing weird about it.
hoping2heal Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think it's wonderful that you're in tune with her past. That shows you really care about her. Some women yes, might think of it as a turn off, but others who have had poor experiences in the past wether it be sexual abuse in a relationship or as a child etc. I think it's very thoughtful to be thinking of her feelings and will really show her you care about her. Good for you for being so thoughtful .
thegoodlife Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 I think given her past and lack of sexual experience you're great for what you're doing. Good man!
Author Maxis Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 Thanks for the responses everyone. It's relieving to know that I'm not doing something too odd and outlandish.
Recommended Posts