mammax3 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I don't know why I'm so confused. The guy from last friday who went out with his friends after being 'too tired' to come out with me has been distant and non-communicative all week. If I initiate a conversation, he ends it with a closed response. If he initiates, after my response he doesn't follow up. He sounds distinterested right? He has all but said that he likes me more than I like him, and that he'll like me for a long time. So what's going on? I'm like that other poster who said they follow the lead of the other person. If I sense he's growing distant, I let him back off so I don't get too clingy or chase-y. I sent him an emaill asking what's up? in a few lines without much confrontation. He texted me a bit later saying he wasn't at work so I figure he never got the email. Not much more communication followed from that brief text. There's been no mention of getting together tonight and I sort of think we should - so we can talk - but I think we shouldn't too. Thoughts? Perspective? Advice? I'll take whatever you have. Thanks a lot.
2sunny Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 do not initiate any further contact. his actions are telling you loud and clear that you aren't his priority. anything further will look perfectly needy. when a man is interested - he will make plenty of effort to spend his time with you. the first clue should have been when he went with his friends after telling you he was tired. back off until he comes racing at full speed.
Lucky_One Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 He has all but said that he likes me more than I like him, and that he'll like me for a long time. He has all but said? If he hasn't said it, then you can only go by his actions. And his actions are saying that you aren't a priority. Either he has backed off because you don't like him very much or he has backed off because he likes someone else or he has backed off because he has realized that he isn't interested in getting to know you better now. I would leave him alone about getting together. If you aren't in an actual dating relationship, then there really isn't anything to get together to talk about.
You'reasian Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 do not initiate any further contact. his actions are telling you loud and clear that you aren't his priority. anything further will look perfectly needy. when a man is interested - he will make plenty of effort to spend his time with you. the first clue should have been when he went with his friends after telling you he was tired. back off until he comes racing at full speed. Yes, but women need the chase moreso than men. Women get approached by guys all the time. They'll brush off a few, make excuses for another and eventually go for a guy who doesn't appear interested in them in the first place. Guys get approached by women much less. When a woman has to work to get a guy, she respects him alot more. The reverse isn't necessarily true.
Star Gazer Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 The guy from last friday who went out with his friends after being 'too tired' to come out with me has been distant and non-communicative all week. Stop right there. That's all I needed to read. When people behave like this, the rest of their behavior becomes quite predictable. I knew what you were going to say after this point... Some people, like this guy, can be so lame. Yes, he's blowing you off, because he's too cowardly to tell you that he's no longer interested (assuming he ever really was).
dreamergrl Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Stop right there. That's all I needed to read. When people behave like this, the rest of their behavior becomes quite predictable. I knew what you were going to say after this point... Some people, like this guy, can be so lame. Yes, he's blowing you off, because he's too cowardly to tell you that he's no longer interested (assuming he ever really was). Yup - I learned this first hand. Listen to SG, she's smart about this stuff!
whimsical_memory Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Stop right there. That's all I needed to read. When people behave like this, the rest of their behavior becomes quite predictable. I knew what you were going to say after this point... Some people, like this guy, can be so lame. Yes, he's blowing you off, because he's too cowardly to tell you that he's no longer interested (assuming he ever really was). Yup, I have to fully agree with SG about this. If he was really and truly into you, he'd have been much more willing to have communication with you. To quote a few other LS posters "Run like your tushy is on fire". This person is not worth, because 1. Either he really does not like you or 2. You're his back up plan in case things fall through.
You'reasian Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Yup, I have to fully agree with SG about this. If he was really and truly into you, he'd have been much more willing to have communication with you. To quote a few other LS posters "Run like your tushy is on fire". This person is not worth, because 1. Either he really does not like you or 2. You're his back up plan in case things fall through. Notice how she's really into this guy and he really isn't into her? This guy is smart. He could have persued her and made her a priority, but women don't work that way, since most women are used to keeping their guard up and fending off guys - they chose the man they want and go for it. Ideally, both guy and girl would be equally interested in one another - but when that doesn't happen, it falls back to "chase the dude" game that women need. I doubt she's his back up plan.
Author mammax3 Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 After several days of next to no contact, he called. We had a conversation and a lot of ground was convered. For several days after that conversation there was little contact again. Although I don't doubt his interest, it seems he and I are on a different plane when it comes to the amount of communication required to fulfill our individual needs. I like a lot, with a lot of positive feedback so i can continue to monitor his feelings, and mine. He seems to think everything progresses on the same trajectory even in the absence of rich communication. I guess my next step is to modify my needs, or to try and persuade his to increase. Is there another option I'm not seeing? When we saw each other, there was a lot more electricity than what I was expecting! Hahaha! How predictable is that?? It makes me wonder if it's due to the conversation we had, and that made me look at him in a different light, or is it due to the slight game of chase, or maybe just due to the absence? Thoughts? Your experiences? Thanks!
dreamergrl Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 After several days of next to no contact, he called. We had a conversation and a lot of ground was convered. For several days after that conversation there was little contact again. Although I don't doubt his interest, it seems he and I are on a different plane when it comes to the amount of communication required to fulfill our individual needs. I like a lot, with a lot of positive feedback so i can continue to monitor his feelings, and mine. He seems to think everything progresses on the same trajectory even in the absence of rich communication. I guess my next step is to modify my needs, or to try and persuade his to increase. Is there another option I'm not seeing? When we saw each other, there was a lot more electricity than what I was expecting! Hahaha! How predictable is that?? It makes me wonder if it's due to the conversation we had, and that made me look at him in a different light, or is it due to the slight game of chase, or maybe just due to the absence? Thoughts? Your experiences? Thanks! Perhaps you are just not compatible at this point. I don't see why one should have to modify their needs and wants. Nor should one need to change a person. Not that you can change a person unless they want to. They will only resent you for it.
Author mammax3 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 I've been thinking about your post, dreamergrl, thanks for your perspective. Perhaps we aren't compatible. I agree with you that people must initiate the change within themselves, and one shouldn't have to change in order to fit with another person. However, I wonder if one would ever EVER find a person for whom they don't need to make mild, insignificant changes. (I recognize in my previous post I called it a need - seems an important requirement when I use that word, but I've been thinking about this thread.) I'm a busy person. Frankly I think I may grow tired of repeated pointless conversations just for the sake of maintaining a contact. That may actually kill a budding relationship. It's important to maintain a connection for me. It's not a deal breaker, however, if we go for a few days with only the occasional text.
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