Update on the old thread (inability to respect lack of intelligence)

[Eleventy]

I've never been a 17 year old girl but I have been 17 years old, and I have been corrected before. I don't find correction to be particularly demeaning. If I am corrected, I actually use my brain and correct my mistakes for the future. However, I can understand how continual correction can be demeaning, which is why I agreed to stop despite the fact that I have only corrected her maybe 3 times total (a horrible offense, I know! Crushing!). Regardless, she continues to make the same mistakes and doesn't seem to be able to learn or retain new information.

 

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/stupid

 

 

1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
   
2. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
   

I'd say her actions have been pretty much exemplified stupidity.

 

It seems we disagree on the notion of intelligence. You seem to make this assumption that it's impossible to be "stupid" and that anyone who points it out is just mean and emotionally unintelligent.

 

If you want to go ahead and defend this pet abuser's emotional intelligence and imply that I'm off the deep end for, God forbid, insulting her character for being an ignorant little twit who harms innocent creatures, then go for it.

 

I accept my faults plenty. I'm not claiming to be perfect. And, again, I'm not claiming that I want perfection. It's impossible to be perfect, and it's impossible to find it in another. You're defending a damn animal abuser. If you abuse animals, yes, I believe you're worthy of being insulted. Under your logic, she'll be much better off with someone who is OKAY with her abusive behavior. I'm much certain that type of person will be better for her 9_9

 

I'd rather be "emotionally unintelligent" for correcting someone's grammar 3 times than "still growing" as someone who has to resort to an entire text message to ask what 22-28 is and hits animals in the face.

 

You claim I "won't be happy with anyone," when that is hardly true. I'll be happy with someone who doesn't resort to things like, oh, animal abuse. I guess I'm going to be hard-pressed to find such people, eh?

[dreamergrl]

I've never been a 17 year old girl but I have been 17 years old, and I have been corrected before. I don't find correction to be particularly demeaning. If I am corrected, I actually use my brain and correct my mistakes for the future. However, I can understand how continual correction can be demeaning, which is why I agreed to stop despite the fact that I have only corrected her maybe 3 times total (a horrible offense, I know! Crushing!). Regardless, she continues to make the same mistakes and doesn't seem to be able to learn or retain new information.

 

But yet you had complaints that you're parents were harder on you then your brother. You see, most people are who they are due to their upbringing. They learn certain behaviors. Your parents were harder on you then your brother. They held a higher standard for you then your brother. You tend to hold a higher standard to those you meet then you do yourself. If you didn't, you wouldn't justify your bad actions. You would accept them, and learn from them.

 

I have my faults. I know my upbringing causes me to make bad choices, have bad actions... yet I'm capable of accepting and trying to make myself a better person.

 

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/stupid

 

 

1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
   
2. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
   

I'd say her actions have been pretty much exemplified stupidity.

 

Name calling goes well beyond the dictionary definition. People use the term stupid as hurtful a lot of the time. Bitch means female dog, but what do most mean when they call someone a bitch. What about *******? Same thing.

 

It seems we disagree on the notion of intelligence. You seem to make this assumption that it's impossible to be "stupid" and that anyone who points it out is just mean and emotionally unintelligent.

 

If you want to go ahead and defend this pet abuser's emotional intelligence and imply that I'm off the deep end for, God forbid, insulting her character for being an ignorant little twit who harms innocent creatures, then go for it.

 

As you want continue to justify your faults and errors. Go for it. It wont get you far in personal relationships.

 

I accept my faults plenty. I'm not claiming to be perfect. And, again, I'm not claiming that I want perfection. It's impossible to be perfect, and it's impossible to find it in another. You're defending a damn animal abuser. If you abuse animals, yes, I believe you're worthy of being insulted. Under your logic, she'll be much better off with someone who is OKAY with her abusive behavior. I'm much certain that type of person will be better for her 9_9

 

You obviously feel that if one doesn't know the answer to a math problem they are worthy of being insulted. Give me a break. I've been defending her prior to the animal thing. And I seriously have a hard time believing the extent of it. You've been ready to jump on her for anything.

 

You may accept your faults, but you do nothing about it. You justify it.

 

I'd rather be "emotionally unintelligent" for correcting someone's grammar 3 times than "still growing" as someone who has to resort to an entire text message to ask what 22-28 is and hits animals in the face.

 

She has every right to be still growing. She's a teenager. She's 17. And you have a lot of growing to do yourself. And you need to get over yourself. Being emotionally unintelligent is much more of a set back, because your going to have a hard time having a positive relationship. And it's not just the correcting, it's the name calling, the belittling, the testing... it's ALL of it.

 

You claim I "won't be happy with anyone," when that is hardly true. I'll be happy with someone who doesn't resort to things like, oh, animal abuse. I guess I'm going to be hard-pressed to find such people, eh?

 

You wont be able to be happy with anyone if you can't realize that your actions are just as hurtful.

[Eleventy]

I don't think expecting someone to be kind to animals is asking much of any decent human being. This is not "of high standard." You imply that I am holding this girl to some type of extreme standard. She can't solve a 2nd-grade subtraction problem without texting me even though she had a friend with her AND a calculator in her phone. She harms animals. I think by ANYONE'S standards, those things would raise some eyebrows if they were in the same situation.

 

You're taking the semantics of an insult and extrapolating it to something I am not implying. For one, you keep forgetting that I have never directly called her stupid to her face at ANY time, even up to this very sentence, and I don't plan to. Am I not allowed to even THINK someone is stupid, or wonder if someone's stupid? Somehow the mere thought alone is reprehensible as a lack of emotional intelligence? I would disagree VERY strongly on that one.

 

What faults of mine am I wrongly justifying? If you're going to bring up correction again, that's a very, very weak example. You say I do nothing about my faults even though I CLEARLY said I would stop correcting her, and I did. Even though, again, I had only done it maybe three times total. TOTAL. Your claim here is simply incorrect from any angle. I actively try to fix my faults, otherwise I wouldn't have made my initial thread in the first place asking for help. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but now there's simply no doubt!

 

"You obviously feel that if one doesn't know the answer to a math problem they are worthy of being insulted." AGAIN, NO. Please, read what I am saying very carefully. It's not the fact that she can't do the math that upsets me. It was her judgment in the situation.

 

You saying my actions are "just as hurtful" is really stretching it. So I corrected her grammar three times. I think she's stupid. That's much worse than an animal abuser? I'd say her emotional intelligence is clear down at the bottom of the barrel.

 

ALSO NOTE: I have never called you stupid for disagreeing with me, for example, because I simply do not find you stupid. I've never called you stupid, nor am I even *thinking* that you are. I would say you're intelligent, even though we disagree on this subject. There is a clear difference.

[v g]

If she has a mean streak at 17, she'll have one at 22 as well.

 

Mean streak? Seriously? How about frustration and lack of discipline skills?

 

I agree that hitting dogs is completely unacceptable. How about, Eleventy, giving her a gift certificate for a dog discipline class?

 

Criticizing and correcting is rude and condescending. Now, positive criticism in some situations is not rude, as in a teacher in a class. In that case it's appropriate for the teacher to point something out and then follow it up with skills and techniques on how to improve. In a relationship, though, that's tough to pull off.

 

I dated someone that sounds a lot like you, Eleventy. He was incredibly bright and witty. I asked him one day if there is anyone on earth except for a three-year-old girl that he was trying to adopt that didn't irritate the heck out of him. To his credit he gave it some serious thought. His response is that everyone else irritates the heck out of him. It's a hard way of living life, being constantly dissapointed and annoyed by everyone out there. Hopefully you're different. I hope so.

[clv0116]

I think the OP is about half as smart as he thinks he is, has some maturity issues of his own (22, REALLY!?) and is a budding attention wh*re.

[Eleventy]

Mean streak? Seriously? How about frustration and lack of discipline skills?

 

I agree that hitting dogs is completely unacceptable. How about, Eleventy, giving her a gift certificate for a dog discipline class?

 

Criticizing and correcting is rude and condescending. Now, positive criticism in some situations is not rude, as in a teacher in a class. In that case it's appropriate for the teacher to point something out and then follow it up with skills and techniques on how to improve. In a relationship, though, that's tough to pull off.

 

I dated someone that sounds a lot like you, Eleventy. He was incredibly bright and witty. I asked him one day if there is anyone on earth except for a three-year-old girl that he was trying to adopt that didn't irritate the heck out of him. To his credit he gave it some serious thought. His response is that everyone else irritates the heck out of him. It's a hard way of living life, being constantly dissapointed and annoyed by everyone out there. Hopefully you're different. I hope so.

 

 

I am not that way at all. There are plenty of people I get along with just fine. But yeah, if you have to text me to ask what 22-28 is, or if you harm your animals, I'm going to be very upset and irritated at you.

 

I don't get annoyed at people simply because they have faults. We all have faults. But certain faults are just undeniably irritating and reprehensible, and I think one would have to be foolish to deny this.

 

These views are by no means outlandish. For people to imply otherwise is simply nonsense.

[Bayern]

Well, just a short little update to anyone who was watching the old thread at all. I recently went out with a girl who was great in all sorts of aspects, but concerned me when she texted me in order to solve a simple subtraction problem.

 

Just wanted to give you guys something to think on given the context of that thread.

 

She owns a few tiny dogs that always bite at her from time to time. I was trying to explain to her some ways to keep the dogs at bay through basic operant conditioning over the phone (ways to get the dog to know that biting is not okay). Basic things like making a noise when bitten to let the dog know he is hurting you, or ignoring it for a while if you're playing with it (dogs love to play and will learn real quick to avoid biting).

 

She explained to me that she always used to try scaring it whenever it bit her. I told her this is a very bad way to go about it. Scaring or physically hurting a puppy will only confuse it and damage the relationship you have with it, and usually makes biting worse.

 

Whenever she'd hold one of the dogs on webcam, she wouldn't be supporting its head too well, and so the dogs would always do that head-thrashing motion to keep up (since their spines are simply NOT the same as a human's. They aren't meant to support much weight). She never seemed to understand that the dogs were extremely uncomfortable.

 

So I tried explaining to her very carefully what she needed to do to help train her dog to stop. So she began petting it, and like clockwork, it bit her. She let out a yelp to let the dog know it hurt. So she tried it again and, again, the dog bit her.

 

"What the hell, it still bit me!" And then she popped it fairly hard with her hand! I heard the dog yelp over the phone and then it bit her VERY hard to the point where she was bleeding and needed to go wash off.

 

I told her that training your dog takes time and that you can't expect a magical change all at once!

 

The math issue was one thing, but this takes the cake. She's stupid. I know in the last thread I made, I apologized for calling her dumb because of the math thing, but I simply cannot stand by that anymore.

 

I broke up with her today, and that's that.

 

I'd say that's about right.

[v g]

I am not that way at all. There are plenty of people I get along with just fine. But yeah, if you have to text me to ask what 22-28 is, or if you harm your animals, I'm going to be very upset and irritated at you.

 

I don't get annoyed at people simply because they have faults. We all have faults. But certain faults are just undeniably irritating and reprehensible, and I think one would have to be foolish to deny this.

 

These views are by no means outlandish. For people to imply otherwise is simply nonsense.

 

I'm glad that you're not like that, very glad.

 

Oh, congrats on ending things with this woman.

[dreamergrl]

I am not that way at all. There are plenty of people I get along with just fine. But yeah, if you have to text me to ask what 22-28 is, or if you harm your animals, I'm going to be very upset and irritated at you.

 

I don't get annoyed at people simply because they have faults. We all have faults. But certain faults are just undeniably irritating and reprehensible, and I think one would have to be foolish to deny this.

 

These views are by no means outlandish. For people to imply otherwise is simply nonsense.

 

Give me a break. You justified yourself calling people stupid, correcting people, ect ect ect. You have every excuse why what you do is okay, even when you admit it's wrong. You were deeming the poor girl stupid over a math problem. You don't think it's wrong to call a person stupid. You don't think it's wrong to sit there and correct a person.

 

And because someone has a different opinion then you, it's automatically nonesense. GIVE ME A BREAK. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Bayern]

Give me a break. You justified yourself calling people stupid, correcting people, ect ect ect. You have every excuse why what you do is okay, even when you admit it's wrong. You were deeming the poor girl stupid over a math problem. You don't think it's wrong to call a person stupid. You don't think it's wrong to sit there and correct a person.

 

And because someone has a different opinion then you, it's automatically nonesense. GIVE ME A BREAK. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

He's only saying it is nonsense if you don't agree his views aren't outlandish. You can disagree with him while still thinking it's not an outlandish viewpoint.

 

Which is, to an extent, true.

[dreamergrl]

He's only saying it is nonsense if you don't agree his views aren't outlandish. You can disagree with him while still thinking it's not an outlandish viewpoint.

 

Which is, to an extent, true.

 

I don't agree his views aren't outlandish. He got on this girl's case long before the dog ordeal. Deeming someone stupid for not being able to do a math problem is outlandish. Claiming something is mean, but then saying it's okay for him to do it is outlandish, especially if he's going to sit on his horse stating what's mean about other person, and how wrong it is. He has no sense of emotion, and how his words effect other people. Not to mention he doesn't understand the concept that this girl is only 17, and he had expectations of her to act like a full mature adult.

 

I stand by everything I said. I don't believe to be nonsense.

[Eleventy]

I am saying it's outlandish to somehow claim that something like hurting animals is more reprehensible than correcting someone's grammar.

 

Dreamer, I'm done debating this with you. You again prove you aren't listening to what I'm saying. For the billionth time, it is NOT about the math problem it itself. It's because of how she handled the situation. It's because of how she treats animals.

 

Correcting someone constantly would be mean, sure. Correcting someone's grammar maybe 3 times on separate occasions is not by any means degrading, and it is indeed outlandish for one to somehow imply that these events are comparable. The fact that you're trying to put these events on a similar playing field is indeed nonsense.

 

17 year olds are not helpless. They're capable of right and wrong just like anyone else, and you can't just dismiss their actions "because they're raised a certain way."

[Eleventy]

Honestly, if you're going to run home and cry because you said "your" and I correct it for you as "you're," you need thicker skin.

 

If you're going to abuse an animal, you've got problems.

[dreamergrl]

And in your last thread, you said the same thing... "It's not just about the math problem" yet you went on and on about the math problem in how many threads?? You continue to find fault. That's all there is to it. You're like a broken record.

 

I'm listening loud and clear. You don't want to hear anything that opposes what you say.

[Eleventy]

Oh, and let me add more icing to the cake.

 

"Don't scare it, just let it know if it hurts you. That's how baby puppies learn to stop biting normally. Other puppies yelp or the mother will help condition, which is why animals who are separated too early tend to bite more."

"But what if it bites me and I get rabies or something?"

"...your dog has bitten you before. Your dog doesn't have rabies."

"Well, I'm just saying, I always hear of people getting rabies from their dogs."

 

Honestly, come on.

 

 

Dreamer you ARE NOT listening loud and clear because you keep focusing on the WRONG points. It is NOT about the MATH PROBLEM IN ITSELF. She had a friend with her. She had a calculator at her disposal. What did she do instead? Text me asking for the answer to that math problem "because she was too lazy and didn't know how to do it."

[dreamergrl]

Honestly, if you're going to run home and cry because you said "your" and I correct it for you as "you're," you need thicker skin.

 

If you're going to abuse an animal, you've got problems.

 

Honestly - why would you feel the need to correct your own gf? Why would you feel the need to call someone stupid? Why would you feel the need to belittle someone? Why would you feel the need to hold a 17 year old girl to the same regards as a grown mature adult?

 

Most importantly, why did you feel the need to keep on with her if you thought she was stupid? Perhaps because you like to feel above a person.

 

Instead of keeping it going, sending stupid texts testing her, going on and on about the math problem, you should have just accepted she was not right for you, and moved on. But instead you kept going, waiting for her to show you how 'stupid' she is.

[Eleventy]

Honestly - why would you feel the need to correct your own gf? Why would you feel the need to call someone stupid? Why would you feel the need to belittle someone? Why would you feel the need to hold a 17 year old girl to the same regards as a grown mature adult?

 

Most importantly, why did you feel the need to keep on with her if you thought she was stupid? Perhaps because you like to feel above a person.

 

Instead of keeping it going, sending stupid texts testing her, going on and on about the math problem, you should have just accepted she was not right for you, and moved on. But instead you kept going, waiting for her to show you how 'stupid' she is.

 

Again, I never called her stupid, so I don't know where you're getting this from. Is it a sin to THINK someone is stupid? Or the fact that I am talking about it here instead? I would think not.

 

I've never belittled her. I've only corrected her maybe three times (ouch! so HARSH!). The animal abuse was the last straw. Do I feel like "I am above" a person that abuses animals? Sure. If you want to put it that way, then absolutely.

 

And again, I only sent her that "confirmation" text to see if she was playing damsel-in-distress or not. You interpret it as an attempt to make her feel stupid. That is hardly the intent of the action, and I made that clearly known.

[v g]

 

"Don't scare it, just let it know if it hurts you. That's how baby puppies learn to stop biting normally. Other puppies yelp or the mother will help condition, which is why animals who are separated too early tend to bite more."

"But what if it bites me and I get rabies or something?"

"...your dog has bitten you before. Your dog doesn't have rabies."

"Well, I'm just saying, I always hear of people getting rabies from their dogs."

 

Honestly, come on.

 

 

Everything else aside and realizing the seriousness of this topic, I got a good chuckle out of reading this.

[Eleventy]

Haha, yeah.

 

In any case, I'm done debating the subject. I will simply agree to disagree, dreamer. Hopefully things turn out well for both of us in our endeavors

[Cherry Blossom 35]

 

I've never belittled her. I've only corrected her maybe three times (ouch! so HARSH!).

 

Correcting your girlfriend's grammar is belittling her. 3 times! Dear God.

 

So what if she didn't know the math problem? She is then considered stupid and worthless? How about saying instead that maybe she's just not right for you? Why the need to put her down so?

 

As far as the treatment of the dogs, I wasn't there so I don't know how hard she hit them. There is a big difference between a little tap on the head and a full force bashing. Maybe she was spanked a lot as a child and that's all she knows. While it may have been helpful to direct her towards appropriate conduct with the dog, you can't expect that she will change her behavior so quickly.

 

There is nothing wrong with deciding that someone is not right for you. We all do it. What is disturbing is how condescending you are. You have called her lazy, stupid, and inarticulate amongst other things. Surely you must know that a 17 year old girl is not a fully formed human being yet. Why aren't you dating someone closer to your age and maturity level?

[Jilly Bean]

This is bizarre.

 

First of all, I think the fact that the OP is 22, and dating an underage girl of 17 is concerning.

 

While 5 years isn't a huge age difference, at this age, it's tremendously impactful.

 

So, he's purposely dating a teenager, and then complaining she's immature and stupid.

 

Um, because you thought she'd be, what?

 

OP - I think rather than rant on her intelligence level, you should take a look within and figure out what is going on that you desire to date girls of this age.

[Eleventy]

I have dated around my age plenty of times, and from now on I think I am going to stick with that.

 

Thing is, even when I was 17, I don't know any of my peers who were like this girl at all. You guys act like it's okay to be completely off the deep end at this age or something.

 

I dated this girl to begin with because I thought she was mature and very empathetic/caring for her age. I just happened to be incorrect. 17 year olds are too young for me.

 

 

AGAIN WHY DOES EVERYONE MISINTERPRET THE DAMN MATH PROBLEM ISSUE?

"So what if she didn't know the math problem? She is then considered stupid and worthless? How about saying instead that maybe she's just not right for you? Why the need to put her down so?"

I never put her down! I never called her stupid to her face at all. I indeed told her she wasn't right for me. Just because I think that she is stupid does not mean I am being cruel. It would be cruel for me to belittle her directly for it. If you didn't know how to solve 22-28, are you going to use your calculator, ask your friend in the same room, or resort to a text message?

 

And it was a very hard hit. I know what a slap sounds like and what an obnoxiously loud bash sounds like. She REALLY hammered that poor puppy in the head and it let out the most pained squeal ever. It was whimpering and growling to the extreme. It was VERY clear she was hurting it beyond a mere tap.

 

"You have called her lazy, stupid, and inarticulate amongst other things."

 

Never to her face. These are simply my opinions.

[dreamergrl]

Wow, now she's off in the deep end huh?

 

Well apparently I'm not the only poster that feels the way I do...

 

I hope some day you realize how you are acting and grow up, because if you don't I doubt girls your age will even bother with you. I know I wouldn't. I have no respect for a man who is 22, who feels the need to be with a 17 year old, and belittle her.

 

You expected way to much from a 17 year old. The sad part is she was probably trying to meet your expectations, and couldn't. Now she's left wondering what went wrong.

 

Cherry enforced what I said earlier, she could have been spanked a lot, would explain the reaction to smack when bit. We are products of our family, our upbringing. Sometimes we end up with bad traits, but as we grow up, we can choose if we want to change them, or if we want to be stuck in the same cycle.

 

I hope you choose to change yours, before you're set in your ways.

[Eleventy]

Alright, you can go on apologizing for animal abusers. I don't think it's an unreasonable standard to hold for anyone.

 

"You expected way to much from a 17 year old."

For God's sake, at 17 you're almost an adult. If you're abusing animals, something's wrong with you. Seriously.

 

I think your opinion on this matter is WAY out in left field. Anyone who agrees with that logic is no different.

 

You do not abuse animals. Period. I don't care how old you are. You almost act as if 17 year olds are inherently stupid and don't know any better.

 

The way she treated that dog is far more of a concern than anything I say about her judgment in this thread. AGAIN you guys ignore the fact that I have not belittled her or called her stupid to her face once, ever. Just because I feel that she's off the deep end doesn't mean I am insulting her directly. I told her very matter of factly that I am not going to date someone who treats animals that way. That's it.

 

Glad to know you guys would flip out harder over someone correcting your grammar than hammering your 2-month-old pets.

[eiithan]

It seems the lesson here is one should be with someone he/she respects for the qualities he/she finds critical in sustaining a relationship. Otherwise the resulted disappointment/frustrations will easily turn into a resentment, which is not good for either party.

 

OP, Stick with women who are on the same level with you. It seems many replies are concerned in a way that you have grown to dislike this young woman to a rather disconcerting degree, which is not fair for her. It is good that you parted ways with her; you have your feelings to protect, so does she.

 

In a way, I am pickier than you for I prefer dating someone with a similar academic background only because it allows me to speak what I have in mind without having to explain/worry that it'll bore him. Yet there are tons of intelligent men whose minds are wired in a completely different direction. Also in the past I have seen people who are extraordinary intelligent (even to a semi-genius level) yet do not quite understand how their careless criticism/remarks hurt others around him. Nowadays I think I became more appreciative of intelligent men who are also modest and considerate of others' feelings.

 

As we grow older and more experienced, running into both smart jerks and not-so-smart jerks, in the end we all learn to appreciate a kind heart. These kind people may not be your cup of tea, but then you don't have to date one of them anyway :-)