Dasilva Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Me and my ex met when we were 13 and it was love at first sight. We dated for a year and a half in highschool, split up and she ended up dating another guy for a year and a half after that . We started talking again and got back together and been together for the last 3 years up until about a month ago. Were now both 20, we had our share of ups and downs and I feel like I wasnt as good as I should have been to her. Maybe because I was young an immature but I cant see myself with anybody else and she tells me the same thing. I made a huge mistake one time at a party, got drunk and made out with a girl, this was over a year ago. I know I wasnt as good to her as I should have been because she was amazing, and I know I was wrong and I want to right those wrongs and I feel like we have something amazing together. So last month she started a new job, soon after that she broke up with me saying it was just because all the stuff that has happened but this seemed a little weird to me, why over a year later? She said to me that she thought we were going to be together, but she just needed some time. She started hanging out with a new group of friends from work, and although we didnt see eachother, we still talked. She assured me that they were just friends and nothing was going on. She had lied to me about who she was hanging out with and I found out that she had been talking to this guy, had his number, his email, went to his house with a group of friends, went to the movies as a group but she lied to me about all of these things until I had found out. She went to a club for one of the girls birthdays and she ended up making out with the guy and I didnt know this yet. The next morning I get an email that says "I miss you" followed by a text message later on that day that says "I made a huge mistake, and even if you dont want to be with me, I dont want to hang out with these guys ever, I love you." Later that day we talked and she admitted what had happened. I was devastated and didnt know what to think, but she was honest about it and that was big and and I feel liek she deserved another chance. We decided to start talking again and seen eachother almost every day for a week straight and I always seemed to be the one asking to hang out. She told me that she deleted the guy off her msn and doesnt really talk to him at all. I went on her email and I seen that she made a new account on something called "Skype" , I logged into her skype to find out that the only person on her list was this guy that she had just been talking to. She claims that it was a huge coincidence and that he just happened to add her as soon as she made it and she accepted, not to mention it was at 2 am.I think thats bull****. Now about 2 or 3 days ago she tells me again that she needs to "breathe" and that she put me first for too long, and that she needs time to be selfish to herself. Again she tells me that she loves me and she thinks that this is best for US and that she wants us to be together and she cant see herself with anybody else. Again she assures me that its not because she wants to go out and meet new guys but she said that to me a month ago and look what happened. I told her that I respect her decision, whether it be to just go out and party and not have to worry about me or if she really thinks its going to help us. Whatever her decision is I just want her to be honest. I told her that if she wants her space its better for us to go NC, but she keeps calling me acting like a girlfriend but then telling me she wants space, which I guess to her means she wants to talk to me on the phone but not want to see me? It doesnt make sense to me at all and Im really not sure what it means at all or whether to beleive that she really thinks its better for us. I feel like she just wants to know I'm still here thinking about her but she also wants to go out and do w/e she wants. What do you guys think? Im really confused and I love this girl to death, but I dont want to keep my heart on a string for it to just get broken again.
boogieboy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 You got it right. Go NC, she wants to go date other guys, she was letting you down easy, the cowardly way. if you wqant her back the best way for you do it (its not guarenteed) is to let her come looking for you, and act like youre too busy for her. Let her earn YOUR trust back. So go NC for like a month. It will drive her nuts while shes confused. If you cant go NC, then go limited contact. When she calls, if shes not saying anything to the effect of "i want to try again", then you say you gotta go and hang up. But since this is the second time, I dont think it will happen. Not only that, she fed you all the lines you wanted to hear to relieve her guilt so she doesnt hurt you as bad. Let her feel her guilt, dont let her get off easy. IF you stay friends with her, she will get over you easier.
broncos23 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Yes as boogieboy said the best you can do is go NC.Or at least try to. I've been in that situation before where she tells you one thing and then goes and acts a different way. I think the best thing you should do is just focus on yourself right now. Don't be the one who calls her or contacts her to hang out. Let her come to you. In a way be an ******* to her. The way you have to look at is right now it is over, but there still might be a chance, but you guys are going to have to work on it. Just take it day by day. Hope this helped.
Author Dasilva Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 I havent been the one calling her, but shes been calling me since she told me she needed this break and I have been answering and find it hard not to. When she calls, shes still calling me baby and ending with I love you, and im hesitant to say it back even though I love her like crazy. I dont let the conversations last long and I keep telling her that I cant be her friend, once she figures out what she wants that I want to be with her, but I think that if she ends up dealing with another guy that I wouldnt want to take her back. Im confused by the way shes acting toward me because even when I tell her that I cant be her friend and for her to call me when shes ready, she seems confused and doesnt say much. What do you guys think, hearing from a few females would be helpful as well, but any advice is appreciated.
Rucksack72 Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 My GF started a new job and started acting different too. Soon after she broke up w/ me and lied about everything...I feel your pain and yes she is lieing to you! The calls are simply to keep a bridge open should she have second thoughts..You're better then that..Dont give in..More then likely youd just have that much more to get over if she has been w/ another guy..Its not worth it.. IMO , you're young. If you get back with her I promise it WILL happen again..Its best to collect the pieces of your heart she missed and move on..You only get treated the way you let someone treat you.. Keep the chin up bro..I know its hard....
Author Dasilva Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Im in love with this girl and really want to get back with her and work things out. I talked to her about this break and told her that if she did anything that she wouldnt have done while we were together that I wouldnt be back with her. She says that she doesnt want to do anything, she tells me she loves me all the time, and tells me that her heart and soul are mine and I feel the same way about her. Heres the thing... as I said before I wasnt to much of a good boyfriend for a long time but I feel like I can and will be... shes saying to me that she needs this break to figure out if we will work, and figure out if she can get over some of the things from the past and get rid of all the resentment she has toward me, so we can start new. Not to mention that about 2 weeks ago she made out with a guy while we were on this "break" and now shes saying shes not gonna do anything? Should I keep my heart on the line , keep talking to her for her to say I cant be with you, or I realized I cant get over some things? or maybe even do the same thing she did 2 weeks ago? I dont know what to do.
boogieboy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Im in love with this girl and really want to get back with her and work things out. I talked to her about this break and told her that if she did anything that she wouldnt have done while we were together that I wouldnt be back with her. She says that she doesnt want to do anything, she tells me she loves me all the time, and tells me that her heart and soul are mine and I feel the same way about her. Heres the thing... as I said before I wasnt to much of a good boyfriend for a long time but I feel like I can and will be... shes saying to me that she needs this break to figure out if we will work, and figure out if she can get over some of the things from the past and get rid of all the resentment she has toward me, so we can start new. Not to mention that about 2 weeks ago she made out with a guy while we were on this "break" and now shes saying shes not gonna do anything? Should I keep my heart on the line , keep talking to her for her to say I cant be with you, or I realized I cant get over some things? or maybe even do the same thing she did 2 weeks ago? I dont know what to do. You have to let her miss you. She very well might be trying to figure out if she wants to make it work in her head, or she might not. You cannot sit around and wait for her though. And you cant keep contacting her, because she wont be able to miss you to think. Just assume you have to move on and do not contact her at all, and dont reply to all of her calls or texts. Only a select few. and if she comes back, youre lucky, if she doesnt, you know what happened.
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