broncos23 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 What's going on guys. Basically what it comes down to I just need some advice. The girl broke up with me about a couple of days ago. About a year and 2 month relationship. I saw it coming because I saw that she was becoming more and more distant. It wasn't anything bad where one party cheated or like it was an abusive relationship. I guess she was "overwhelmed" to quote her. After we broke up, the lets be friends still talk started to happen. She said the usual you know what you would expect, I still love and care about you. I decided to give it a shot. I mean considering when we were going out she was like my best friend. I talked to her yesterday just to say what was up. Just casual. Then she called me up last night and we had about a 2 hour conversation about us. The thing is she in a way if the oppurtunity comes up which she can hook up with someone, she'll take it but she's afraid that she'll loose me. Basically I told her that as of now it's pretty much over, but if you were to hook up with anyone, then I don't think it could ever go back to what it was before. A hook up in this case is just making out or whatever. No sex. She's told me already guys have tried but she's brushed them off because one shes scared to loose me and two she just doesn't feel comfortable with going through with it just yet. I just don't know how to react if she ever were to hook up with someone. I mean after all we are broken up. She doesn't know owe me. I think I could still be her friend after she did but just in a different way. And then to make things worse she still wants to come over and hang out and have sex. Friends with benefits. This weekend is the town fireworks and she asked me to sit with her. The thing is I don't want to get attached. It's the worst feeling. Should I get over the fact that if she does hook up with someone it is whatever. I just don't think that it would be good because I should be moving on. Maybe if I just remove all my emotions? But that is easier said than done. I just would like to hear what you guys have to say about this whole case and especially the "hooking up" and friends with benefits. Thanks.
Exit Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 In this case "friends with benefits" sounds like she is the only one benefiting from it. She can come over and have sex and be fine with it because her feelings aren't as strong for you. Meanwhile you're getting all torn up inside. Now she wants you to go watch the fireworks with her, another "benefit" for her. If she wants to have sex with you and spend time with you, she needs to be your girlfriend. Right now you are just giving her everything she wants and getting nothing in return. You will never move on in this situation. If she's already "too scared to lose you" that she won't kiss other guys, then take it a step further and be the one to tell her "you are going to lose me". Tell her you are not going to sleep with her or go places with her if she isn't interested in having a full relationship with you. If she's honestly that scared to lose you, she won't let that happen. If she walks away and never comes back, then it just means she realizes you've caught on to her BS and she's giving up. Make a brief statement with a lot of impact. Tell her you are no OK with your current arrangement, and use those powerful words "you are going to lose me".
Author broncos23 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 The thing is I can basically do whatever I want to. I guess in a way its like an open relationship in which we both can do whatever we want but we're kind of seeing each other. I mean isn't what they tell you when you go through a break up? To go out and see what's out. If you find someone then that's good for you. But if you don't then in a way you realize what that other person offered. I don't know if that makes sense.
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