azurafang Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I was wondering if i could get advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation or who has any sort of experiance/ knowledge that could possibly help me. Firstly let me start with the back story, my now ex gf and I had been dating for 11 months. We loved each other very much, and I still really care about her, but have been hurt by her because of her unwillingness to try and make the relationship work. Unfortunatly at the beginning of the year broke up due to her not wanting a long distance relationship with her going to university and I staying in the same state. I wanted to continue but she thought it would be too hard. We still kept in contact almost every day, by phone or by talking online, and whenever she returned home, we would "see" each other, and spend most of our time together. During the time in between these visits my friends kept reminding me that the breakup was for the best and prob would work out better in the long run. During her previous visit home (approx 3 weeks ago) I heard from a friend that she still "had really deep feeling from me and really liked me and was thinking about getting back together. Unfortunatly thats where the happy part of the story ends, today i found out that she sent a message to one of her friends saying that she slept with another guy, and like him, but is avoiding him atm because he is bi polar. So now I am left with the decision of what to do when she visits in a few days time for break. Should I bother trying to make it work and ignore what the friend has told me( btw she has not told me, and Im not sure she would) or should I give up all hope, and just try to find someone else?
Sevenscars Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I have been in a similar situation, but reverse. I hate to say it, but it won't work. And can you really completely ignore that she slept with someone else? It will always stay in the back of your mind and you'll always wonder when she's off over there... For your own benefit, break it off and concentrate on yourself and maybe eventually someone else. If she does come back and is all over you, remember, that is because you are her "home guy," university is different. Remember, she lives somewhere else now. Her home is not near you, it's far away. She will create a new life for herself, and act accordingly. Sorry, brother. I know it hurts.
samspade Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Get out of her frame and start fresh on your own. You're too dependent on her actions and feelings. In the future, don't wait around for someone to make up her mind about you. Her "unwillingness to try and make the relationship work" is the message you should have interpreted, loud and clear. Her behavior toward you is ALWAYS the message she is sending, not her words. If she doesn't want to try with you, it means she's not interested in enough to try, and you can't do anything to change that. You CAN do plenty to diminish her interest further. I kind of hate it when people say "she loves me but" and then follow it up with a litany of behaviors that communicate the exact opposite. One thing you should always remember is that a woman will communicate her desire (or lack thereof) for you through her actions. Maybe she told her friend she still loved you and was thinking of getting back together, but that is meaningless unless she actually makes an effort to get back together with you. Her sleeping with another dude most likely reinforces the fact that she is not interested in dating you again. My advice for you is to make yourself scarce when she is in town, and, yes, find someone else. There's no reason to torture yourself any further. And stop getting updates from your friends about her. It's not helping you!
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