brock9911 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 so me and my ex were in no contact for almost a month after a breakup of 8 years. she contacts me on fathers day to console me about my dead father but i told her i dont want to here it. now yesterday i get a text from her showing me her little sisters prom dress. i sent her one of my little sisters prom dress (same grade). we go back and forth civilized for a bit talking about our sisters which i wasnt worried about, i love her sister like my own. she grew up around me. what pisses me off is she has to than bring it back to our prom. saying how she remembers it like it happened last night and how she misses that and asks me if i do. i nicely said this is about our sisters not about us. she than goes on to say how shes a wreck and she misses me and how she still loves me and she knows i still love her. i told her i didnt choose this she did. she said no it was because of both of us and how things are just f'ed up right now. i said they were f'ed up cuz of her, she says no its both of us. i said your starting to piss me off, she broke up with me for cheating when i didnt, but she did with 4 people. she than goes on to say how she still wants little brians running around (thats my name obviously). and how she doesnt want this breakup to be forever. this is where im an ass hole. i go to say, im going to have little brians running around reguardless of who its from, and this breakup may never see a reverse side, we cant trust each other and thats final. than i said your making me extremely angry i suggest you shut your mouth and leave me be. what the hell do i do here. im so confused.
Ronni_W Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Given the circumstances, it sounds as if you did the best thing for yourself that you needed to do. Not necessarily in the best way, but we can't have everything, right? Question I am having is: Do you want to get back with her?
Author brock9911 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Honestly there would be nothing more id want than to have everything go back to the way things were. but over the last year, after she cheated, the fights were more often, and the trust wasnt there. what makes me think anything will be any different this time around. plus now its not only me not trusting her, its both ways now. i dont know if itll be happy or fun or healthy for either one of us. her parents still love me and treat me like a son...mainly cuz they know it was her that screwed up, but my family and friends lost all respect for her.
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Honestly there would be nothing more id want than to have everything go back to the way things were. but over the last year, after she cheated, the fights were more often, and the trust wasnt there. what makes me think anything will be any different this time around. plus now its not only me not trusting her, its both ways now. i dont know if itll be happy or fun or healthy for either one of us. her parents still love me and treat me like a son...mainly cuz they know it was her that screwed up, but my family and friends lost all respect for her. I think we can all relate to this. And I'm honestly proud of you for being so clear and logical instead of 'following your heart', when right now we all know we're not in the right state of mind to do that. If you were to ask everybody on the Coping section on here, I'm sure we'd all (or most of us would) have the same answer relating to reconciling. Everybody would love to go back to how things used to be but it's good you were realistic and know that's not possible. I've been reading your posts since you pretty much started posting on here and you have progressed a lot. I understand what you mean when you say your family and friends have lost all respect for her. And this would only make things harder for you if you DO get back together. You're doing the right thing, imo. im going to have little brians running around reguardless of who its from, and this breakup may never see a reverse side, we cant trust each other and thats final. LOL! I LOVED this! Question... you two were together since high school?
Author brock9911 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 yeah im starting to move on a little, even though shes on my mind all the time. but when we got together i just graduated and she was 16 (i was 18). there were jealousy issues all the time with us, her with her past with being with multiple people b4 me and she didnt like that i was a drug user back than. i stopped when we met, but i was pretty bad in high school. either way my point is that we always had some sort of problems, but we still loved each other to death which is odd. we went through some hairy $h*t but we alway made it out. this time... i dont think its gonna happen. btw. your i believe in symmetry
Ronni_W Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 As RTJ says. You are very aware that it won't work. At least, that there will need to be HUGE effort and LOTS of therapy and couples' counseling for it to have any chance of working. Loss of trust is a big, big obstacle to lasting peace, harmony and happiness in a relationship. I get that you already know that. Question I am having is: How was she able to contact you on Father's Day? (Why no phone and/or email blocking?) I get the "in-law" ties and connections. But sometimes we have to let those go, too...when necessary for that final push towards 'being free' of the old relationship. You might be able to reconnect with them in the future, but if that's still a conduit between you and your ex...well, it just doesn't sound like it's working so well for where you are right now.
Author brock9911 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 i guess i havent done the whole blocking thing cuz i still want to know whats going on and know what shes up too. yeah we're not together but i dont want her to be with anyone. jealousy, most deffinitly. stubborness, absolutely. and territorial, without a doubt. but i wouldnt be where i am in life today if it wasnt for most of those things. in most aspects of my life, i get bored and move on to something new, cars, tvs, sterio systems, jobs, and even with friends. i hate old $h*t. im only 25 and have been through 5 cars, 3 new, 4 big screen tvs, and 5 systems. i buy shoes 2 times a month. i guess im a little obsessive. i like to spend money and get new things, but she was 1 thing i would never let go.
Leveller Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 It will take time to get past the issues you have with her. Whether you want to work them through though is perhaps another question. You are still in angry mode which IMO is much better than hurt mode but niether of these are positive states of mind.
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 yeah im starting to move on a little, even though shes on my mind all the time. but when we got together i just graduated and she was 16 (i was 18). there were jealousy issues all the time with us, her with her past with being with multiple people b4 me and she didnt like that i was a drug user back than. i stopped when we met, but i was pretty bad in high school. either way my point is that we always had some sort of problems, but we still loved each other to death which is odd. we went through some hairy $h*t but we alway made it out. this time... i dont think its gonna happen. btw. your i believe in symmetry Yes, I'm iBelieve In Symmetry. I made a new account on here 'cause iBelieve In Symmetry seemed a bit too complicated, aha. The signature on iBelieve In Symmetry has a link to this account, in case people think I'm an impostor or something. But damn. You're still young and you're going to learn so much from this. It wouldn't surprise me if your next relationship is nearly perfect. Don't forget to work on yourself and your own problems. I'm sure you feel you wasted so much of your life but this is nowhere near a waste. Things will get better and you don't deserve to be with a cheater. You're going to learn so much about yourself and what you want and need in a partner. Once you've hit rock bottom there's nowhere to go but up! Good luck!
boogieboy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Dont let her keep you hanging on by telling you BS like she doesnt this breakup to be forever. Its crap. Next time she texts you, dont answer her. You were going well with the NC, and got bit in the ass when you broke it. And you have to come to terms with the fact that she WILL (if she isnt already that youre unaware of) start dating other guys. You need to get over the jealousy and obsession. She broke it off, you kow it wont work, theres nothing left for you to hang onto.
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I get the "in-law" ties and connections. But sometimes we have to let those go, too... I agree with this. I was close to my ex's younger sister. She's 14. I texted her and she always spoke to me when she had problems. She was like my own little sister and it hurts to let her go along with my ex. But it had to be done. I asked her to please not contact me, 'cause I needed to get over her sister and that it wasn't personal at all. I told her to try to contact me in a year (guessing I'd have accepted everything by then), and we could catch up then. She agreed and said talk to you in a year. It was sad, I'm not going to lie but I know I'm not going to be buddies with her forever. There's going to be a point SOMETIME where I'm going to have to let her go completely. I'm going to move on, find someone who'll love me forever, get married, and raise a family. Throughout all that it seems weird to me to still be close to my ex's family. Especially if she's doing the same on her end. It's sad, but it's part of life.
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Dont let her keep you hanging on by telling you BS like she doesnt this breakup to be forever. One last thing, I agree with this. If she said she doesn't want the breakup to be forever then she wants a 'break' and to see other people, etc. She may be bored. Don't be a doormat! She wants you AND to f*ck around with other people. This isn't fair to you. Don't. Be. A. Doormat.
Author brock9911 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 True, what really sucks is one of my best friends is moving away next week and his girlfriend is throwing a big going away party. now shes friends with my ex so of coarse she will be at this party. not what i wanted to deal with but i cant not show up to my friends party. from other friends and sources my ex is supposedly breaking down, saying shes extremely depressed and suicidal n $h*t. saying how she would kill herself for me. now this is where i think shes nuts. and this is playing a guilt trip on me now, even though i didnt even do the break up. im sorry girls can be so f'ing confusing.
Author brock9911 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Yeah iv never been a push over in my life, but i deff feel like iv been jerked around quite enough with this whole situation. i think shes maybe realizing how good she had it. i mean after all who wouldnt wanna be with me haha. but seriously, i treated her very well and did tons of $h*t for her. redid her whole den, living room and bedroom and bathroom. put the down payment on her car cuz she didnt have the money for it. went on vacations at least once a month. spent time with her every day and made sure sundays were our day only. and i gave her the sensual loving if ya no what i mean haha. i guess it wasnt what she wanted or it just wasnt enough. now shes realizing that thats not always an easy thing to come by. but f*ck it, the next one will get even better treatment, but i wont hesitate to kick it to the curb if i get cheated on again.
boogieboy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 WWOOAHHH hey, not so fast.... There might be NEW girls at the party that you can talk to...and you can use it as an opportunity to blatantly avoid your ex. If she sees you talking to new girls, you get your confidence a lil bit, and she gets jealous at the same time. Go to the party! (if no new women wont be there, then never mind)
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 i mean after all who wouldnt wanna be with me haha. BAM! i treated her very well and did tons of $h*t for her. redid her whole den, living room and bedroom and bathroom. put the down payment on her car cuz she didnt have the money for it. went on vacations at least once a month. spent time with her every day and made sure sundays were our day only.BAM! and i gave her the sensual loving if ya no what i mean haha.BAM! I see confidence all over this post! Good for you, Brock! Or Brian... whatever you prefer to me called on here. i wont hesitate to kick it to the curb if i get cheated on again.As for this, I definitely know what you mean. I NEVER thought I would tolerate cheating, since y'know we grow up being taught that it's a horrible thing to do. And then I stayed with her when she admitted to it. And now I know NEVER to do that again. May I say, this was my first heartbreak and I have learned a lot so I KNOW I'll be a better person after this. And I KNOW I will never tolerate cheating again.
LAZORSareeverywhere Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 well done mate, excellent work I'm being serious, that's exactly how you should deal with an ex who's trying to f*ck with your head and that sounds like what she was trying to do
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