Jacky Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I just want to share my story and see if I can get any suggestions and comments. I have been seeing this married women for about 7 months now, she has got 1 child and is pregnant with 2nd child. We have been working together for about 4 years in my second job. It started off as a really innocent friendship coz she is a lovely person. In the beginning we would call each other and text each other everyday. After a few weeks she started to open to me more, we would be discussing her problems with her husband. We would be having a lot of late night phone conversations coz she sleeps with her son. Especially on the weekends, we would speak till 4 in the morning. Her husband takes charge of everything in the house and makes all the decisions but she isn't the type to argue. He is also under the thumb of his mother so everything they do is kinda based on his mother's decision. His mother doesn't like the wife's family so the husband doesn't like her going to their house. He also doesn't like her going out with her friends. These are only a few things but it is one of the main issue coz he is very very controlling. We talked more and more, the relationship started after one evening. We were going to have dinner and she grab my hand to cross the road. After we crossed we still held each others hand and didnt let go. We stayed in my car after work to talk then we will always be hugging each other and finally we kissed. Our relationship officially started then. When her husband went away for 3 weeks. I would stay over at her house every night after she puts her child to sleep. We would get upto things and I will leave early in the morning when she wakes up to get ready for work. When her husband goes away on business, I would also stay over at her house. We will spend time with each other everyday after work and talk in the morning when she is on the way to work. We love each other dearly. However things turned for the worst after 4 months. It was after their wedding anniversary, I spoke to her in the morning and she said she did stuff with her husband. I got jealous but that didnt bother me until 3 weeks after. Her period never came and she tested that she was pregnant. I am sure it is not mine coz we never had intercourse coz she feels guilty if we do. I lost my temper after finding out, probably out of jealousy. We had a discussion about it and our main concern was not being able to spend as much time with each other. We settle that we will try our best to spend time and work this relationship out. After 2 weeks when I stayed over at hers, we had a big fight over the pregnancy again. The past 2 months has been very bad since I am out of my 1st job so I have been very stressed so I want to see her and spend time with her more often. This hadn't been happening and I have been loosing my temper at her. She has been able to understand me and calm me down but we usually fight when I can't see her for whatever reason. I have told her to leave her husband even before she got pregnant. She doesn't love her husband anymore even though she claims she still does. I asked her for reason for not getting a divorce, she answered me with reasons with her parents and her son. She didnt bring up her husband until I mentioned it. Yesterday was the worst day of my life, she spoke to me about ending our relationship. She said she loves me a lot and cares about me so she doesnt want to hold me back coz she can never give me what I want. She feels stressed coz she cant give me time whenever I want it. She thinks she is the one causing me all the stress and if she leaves everything will be ok for me. She is quite a negative and undecisive person. I was trying to convince her that I will change and we can work it out, most importantly she isnt the one causing all the problems. I had to drop her home before our discussion was over coz she was running late to get back. Later on in the evening she SMS me saying "Sorry for not understanding, I cant decide on my own I should have talked. I am bad, please forgive me, miss you loads. I lost my love forever for my stupid decision and thinking" So today I saw her in person before she went to work, we discussed more about it but today it seems that she doesnt regret the decision she took. And she is still basing the fact that we should break up coz she is not good for me. I asked her "howcome you SMS me this message? If you dont regret what you have decided?" She replied "I don't know" I love her more than anything in the world and she knows that and feels the same way for me. Before she went into work today, we decided to give her more time to think and she will only contact me when she has made a decision. Time is going extra slow for me at the moment, I am feeling very nervous coz I dont want to lose her. I know what is going on in her mind coz she will always put others in front of herself. What shall or can I do? Wait until she has reached a decision? The hatred and evil part of me wants to tell her husband about the relationship so they break up. I am trying not to do anything like that coz it will not help anybody but I really really want to be with her. Some advice and help please everyone!
2sure Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 She told you she loves her husband. She told you she will not leave him. She told you they weren't sleeping together yet she has sex with him obviously since she is now pregnant. She will not have sex with you. You both agree she has problems making decisions - thats what a "cake eater" is. They want both and cannot wrap their heads around the fact that this is selfish. You both agree her husband is controlling - I cannot imagine why. She has not had sex with you and has told you she wants this to end. Should you tell her Husband? I think the spouse has every right to know, regardless of the circumstances or who does the telling. You should tell him that while he is out of town you have been staying in his home. That would send any man over the edge. Will it break them up? Maybe. But even if it does - it will not be you she goes to.
Author Jacky Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 She told you she loves her husband. She told you she will not leave him. She told you they weren't sleeping together yet she has sex with him obviously since she is now pregnant. She will not have sex with you. You both agree she has problems making decisions - thats what a "cake eater" is. They want both and cannot wrap their heads around the fact that this is selfish. You both agree her husband is controlling - I cannot imagine why. She has not had sex with you and has told you she wants this to end. Should you tell her Husband? I think the spouse has every right to know, regardless of the circumstances or who does the telling. You should tell him that while he is out of town you have been staying in his home. That would send any man over the edge. Will it break them up? Maybe. But even if it does - it will not be you she goes to. She never said they dont sleep together but she just usually sleeps with the child at the moment. Her not having sex with me doesnt really bother me that much to raise it as an issue. One morning she woke up crying coz of the guilt. Maybe you are right that she is selfish and wants both but somehow her husband is controlling or influencing her to make such decision? The reason why I want to tell her husband is I want her back with me. You are right, if I do tell him it wont be me that she will come to. The other reason maybe I feel betrayed and want revenge. Not sure.
lkjh Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 oh wake up. She does love her H, you were just a side of fun and fantasy but now she wants to get back to reality. You do need to tell her H because this isn't the last time she is going to cheat. She didn't sleep with you because she didn't want to go all the way. Now she can tell herself that she didn't really cheat
PhoenixRise Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 You should absolutely tell her husband. I don't care what your motivation is. Tell him you are in love with his wife and she is in love with you. Tell him that while he is away working you are sleeping in his home and in his bed, down the hall from his sleeping child. I am sure he will be comforted to know that you guys did everything except intercourse. BUT Don't expect to win the girl. She told you she is not leaving her husband--(She means it) She told you she loves her husband-- (In her own sick way, she means it) She is pregnant with a 2nd child by him (She aint voluntarily goin nowhere expecially if you are having financial problems due to losing a job) But Who knows? Maybe if you tell the husband he will blow a gasket and kick her out. Then maybe if she doesn't have anywhere else to go she will come to you, that is, if the husband doesn't put YOU in the hospital first.
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 She obviously doesn't feel THAT guilty as she's had you sleep in her house with the child around. I'm surprised that her husband hasn't clued in yet, let alone nosy neighbours. The hatred and evil part of me wants to tell her husband about the relationship so they break up. They won't break up, and chances are, even if they do, she won't come to you afterwards. It isn't your place to tell her husband, you wouldn't be doing it for the right reasons, plus it seems you couldn't care less about her husband seeing as you've slept in THEIR bed in THEIR house. Bottomline is this. You are the OM and you provide a need that she isn't getting from her husband. She has no intention of leaving her husband, ever. She will see you on HER time frame, her terms not yours. If you demand TOO much from her, as you know now, she will back off of you and not want to continue things with you. I have to ask, why do you love her? This woman is married and has a kid already, is pregnant with her 2nd child. OFCOURSE she is sleeping and having sex with her husband, for you to get bent out of shape over that is crazy! If you choose to be an OM and be in an affair with a MW, accept it for what it is. An affair. You're settling and taking table scraps here. If you want love and your own family, find a single woman and build a life with her, not with someone who is already married.
sugarmomma Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 OMG!!!! This is a total mess!!! Please stop sleeping in this man's house! How can you sleep in another man's house with his WIFE, and actually be able to sleep? YOu are really putting yourself in a ****ed up situation. She is a mess! For God's sake, she's PREGNANT!! Save yourself from this mess!! You've lost your job and she knows that you probably wouldn't be able to take care of her and two kids if he kicks her out. Just cut all contact with this woman and act as if you never met her (somehow people can do this). You can't make any decisions about this situations based on your emotions. all decisions from this point on need to be made based on logic and reality. Ok here we go. 1. She is married 2. She is pregnant. 3. You can't support her if she loses him 4. He will hurt you if he decides to come home early from a trip and find you sleep in HIS home. 5. She has not and will not leave him. There are sooooooo many single women in this world. Please find a few to keep you busy while recovering from this fine mess you've gotten yourself into. In the future, stay away from MW. They just want someone to glob onto!!!
Mr. Lucky Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Please stop sleeping in this man's house! How can you sleep in another man's house with his WIFE, and actually be able to sleep? Do you realize how much danger you're putting yourself in? If the H came home unexpectedly and acted on finding you there, no jury in the land would convict him. You're an intruder in his house - and marriage !!! For God's sake, she's PREGNANT!! The OP has raised denial to a new level. Her pregnancy makes it hard to believe the old "he's sleeping on the couch" line... Mr. Lucky
fooled once Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 How old are you? How old is she? And she is married and pregnant and she is NOT going to leave her husband. So you have two options: 1. continue to be the OW and NOT have any expectations (she isn't going to have sex with you; she loves her husband, she isn't going to leave). So if you continue the relationship, suck it up and know that you will be sneaking around and you are just going to get leftover time and will never be her top priority. 2. END the relationship and find an unmarried woman to have a relationship with.
Reggie Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 You know nothing about her H. All you have is info from her, and you know shre is a liar. You know nothing about who is causing the marital problems and nothing about his mother's influence. Get real, you have her "version" and, you know she is dishonest.
Athena Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Her husband takes charge of everything in the house and makes all the decisions but she isn't the type to argue. (...) he is very very controlling. She is quite a negative and undecisive person. I was trying to convince her that I will change and we can work it out, most importantly she isnt the one causing all the problems. I had to drop her home before our discussion was over coz she was running late to get back. Later on in the evening she SMS me saying "Sorry for not understanding, I cant decide on my own I should have talked. Hmm, lemme see -- the husband is very controlling and makes all the decisions, while the wife is indecisive and can't decide things on her own? (all your words)... is this a coincidence that the H has to 'take charge' since she shows indecisiveness? And then she Complains about it to you, huh? Some advice and help please everyone! My advice to you is to NOT tell her H about her EA with you. Firstly, that is a $hitty thing for you to do to someone you profess to love. I know you are feeling angry, hurt and revengeful -- it's a normal human response, but you cannot allow yourself to actually ACT on those feelings. Yes, she is weak. But she is married to another man. And she is going to be the mother of two of his children. She was just using you for her own selfish needs, and now you are beginning to be a liability to her (no job, fighting and arguing, demanding she leave her H etc etc... ) This was her Fantasy man and now you've become like another H to her! Not what she wants out of you. Anyway, my advice is to get the heck out of their marriage now. Sorry, but it's best for all of you. And -- don't tell her H on her and you... it is not your place to do this. You still owe her a measure of your loyalty since you were having an affair with her. Why would you hurt her now?
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