Downundernz Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I have made a few threads now.. Anyway id like a female perspective on things.. I went out with my gf for 3.5 years she was my best friend and wen i was hers we were like soul mates, however towards the end we wanted different things like moving house or her wanting to travel and me not.. Im guessing she hung in there and eventually decided she was not going to be able to do the things she wanted US to do so she broke away to do these things herself. I was really upset but i did VERY little needy crap and took it like a man.. To her i looked like a i took it well but in private i was a mess... Anyway after 3 or 4 weeks of breaking up we began to hang out again and grew close and became intimate she said "i love you" and various other 'honeymoon' style things.. Anyway i rushed things an susgested becoming officail again to which she agreed. That seemed to put all the old pressure back on the relationship (being official that is) and we both went abit awkward and she said she didnt know what she wanted, i said "look lets just leave it" and i left with my head held high. But again in private i was a blubbering mess at least once a day. Now after a week or two im starting to see the light and feel indifferent and little contact, shes back in contact and its all nicey nice again... As i say im indifferent i dont give a cr4p what happens now i still care about her and prob love her but im over the mucking around.. If she wants to get back AGAIN should i just let her do the work? i read caliguy somehwer said make your self the prize. As i say i would like a reconciliation but im at the point of not caring... what should i do? back off? play into her hands? go nc? aghhhhh whats going on her head? Even tho she broke it off i think shes strugling to let go.. I know i could txt her tonight and shed come round and we would sleep together its such a F'd up situation.. thanks ladies... and guys if you have an opinion ps: when we intially broke up we both were like "yahoo freedom" and went and partied and hooked up with others but i think we might be both realising the grass isent greener and we are both still single
bella16 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Exactly... Make yourself the prize! If you really don't care like you say you don't, then let her come to you. She broke things off with you, and as hard as it is, because I'm in a little situation with my man at the moment as well...not contacting her will be the best thing for you. Let her miss you and work as hard as you did to make things work. I notice all the time that when we are in a relationship we take things for granted, get a little too comfortable and don't realize what we have in front of us. Then things go sour and the relationship fizzles, and we are emotional wrecks because we miss that person too much. But I also can say that I've learned a lot through out this breakup and know what I need to work on when we reconcile. Hopefully you can say the same, and if things do workout in the end, you will know how to act towards situations. Don't be needy, or any kind of way that would push the other person away. For right now do not contact her, and let her do the work...take longer to respond to any of her texts/emails/phonecalls. But don't be mean about anything. Just act as if you are OKAY and you have a life too...it's not just about her. Don't know how good my advice is...but Goodluck! I'm going through a breakup right now all because I am trying to quit smoking for myself and him (he doesnt like it), and I got too emotional when I tried to speak my mind about how I feel... I was 2 days without a cigarette (its veryyyy hard and stressful) and he broke up with me because he thought I wasn't happy, when I really was happy and I love him so much, I just felt like he doesn't show that he cares enough. I was devastated that he didn't even wanna work thru it..my heart felt like it was shattered. NC is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life...its like quitting smoking. You just can't help but pick up that phone to txt them. In my case, if I txt him and ask him if we can talk about this...he will compromise with me bc he is hurt just as bad as I am eventhough he was the dumper. I hope it all works out for you. Think of us as your support system. We are all here for you!
hopefulInFuture Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Honestly I think your situation is different. It seems to me that you both care about each other but simply don't want to compromise. What do you want? Do you want her to beg you so that you take her back on your own terms? I don't think it's going to work in the long term. If you both love each other, sit down and talk, see whether any of you wants to compromise. If none of you want to, love is not enough and agree to part the ways in a mode which is acceptable to both of you. NC is really stupid in your care. She did not cheat on you, she loves you and she broke up only because she was not getting from you what she needed. Are you ready to give this to her?
Adi Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 My thing was very simmilar too yours, the trouble is when you are apart it hurts cause you can not have that person, but when you have that big long chat and work things out, after a week of being together the shine can go. What i did in the end was back of let her do the running, hey if it is ment too be it will be, it should never be hard work too be with someone.
Author Downundernz Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 Yeah i dont think NC is best in this situation. Before i was trying really hard when i saw her not to seem upset but woman arnt stupid she prob sensed it even though it was not obvious. I shouldnt have been to eager to make us official again.. I think now im actually starting to feel neutral shes picking up on that.. We both workout and shes asked me to go train with her this week so unlike before im going to be attending with out a motive to get back. I think i'll go ( i havnt accepted her invitation yet) and i'll just be like i was in the early days.. After we see each other i'll just leave it to her to make the next move. It may seem like im playing a game but because ive reached a point of feeling ready to let go or otherwise, its not a game. I think after the first break up then the 2nd 'confusion' we'll call it, i got all my grief out i dont think ive got any more grief left to let out if that makes sense!? Am looking forward to seeing her, we'll se what happens.. If i dont hear from her i might touch base after 4 or 5 days and see if she wants to meet up again (i know she'll def agree) because she loves seeing me i think i might have just rushed to put a label on our relationship before.. what do you guys think? btw everyone at LS rocks!!!
Adi Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 With me after we broke up a week later we reunited, i rushed wanted it all to be perfect and put the pressure on, in a girls mind it just conforms that she has a back up plan with you. The second time i chilled i thought well what is the worst that can happen if it fails i go back to how i feel now not any worse, so i took one day at a time, did lots of talking and just had fun, after a week we were back to the very good days, you no yourself how she feels you can pick up on stuff, but it is a game play hard to get but not too hard, so her all the positives you now have, and talk about any good meriories you have, also look into her eyes you will no if she loves you, if she stares back into yours. If you win her back always think of how you felt without her this will make you work harder on things. Good luck
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