ExRadioDJ41 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I'm curious about this one... I used this site a lot during a bad engagement breakup months ago. Last month, I finally moved on and posted a personal ad online. I live in a rural area so I don't get much help from online dating sites. Usually most people are about 60+ miles away so meeting new people is tough. But someone contacted me only about 17 miles away, and we hit it off pretty good, and we started talking on the phone a LOT. Like even when she took a family vacation for a week (with her dad, and older sister; she's 28 tho), she called me everyday. Sometimes a couple times a day for hours at a time each. We never seemed to run out of things to talk about and it was all good. She told me on the phone before we met that I was unlike anyone else shes even known before. I asked if that was good and bad. She said both. Good because she liked it. Bad because shes worried about getting too attached too soon. Some other issues, she's 5'11, and shes previously dated taller guys. I'm 5'9. She seems to have a thing for musicians. I'm not one. Shes been a bartender. I don't drink because of some alcoholism issues in my family. But we both had enough in common too. She seems to kinda indicate shes getting tired of getting into trouble in bars with friends... most of the time shes the designated driver but shes getting tired of the crowd she said... We finally decided to meet and had this night out after talking on the phone for at least 5+ hours per night for weeks. I mean we talked at least 100 hours total on the phone. Most at her insistance. She was usually the one that called. We also exchanged emails everyday. Our first meeting was a trip to the drive inn and some dinner out with her 10 year old brother. She asked if he could come along since hes never been to the drive inn. For a first time meeting, I'm sure that also helped her feel a little safer about things so I had no problems here. The evening was nice. It wasn't perfect maybe. But I enjoyed myself and I think I got the signs back during the evening that she did too. The conversation flowed. We seemed to get along much the same as on the phone. I'm told her brother is still talking about the drive inn a week later. He had a blast too. At the end of the night, we made plans for her to come over sometime during the week and watch a TV show we both like. She was going to pick up some DVD's I agreed to make copies of for her too. Her brother left his videogame stuff at my house because we felt better than taking it with us to the drive inn so I've got his Wii and like 35 Wii games in this suitcase... thats worth a pretty good deal of money so I didn't doubt I'd be seeing her again and all. Well a couple days passed... I went first and sent an email that she didn't reply to, but a couple days later, she called on the phone and we talked. All seemed mostly fine. She explained that she was really busy. Well she did come back on the night we talked about (Thursday) but only very briefly with her sister to pick up the DVD's we talked about. She said she was busy (with the sister) and couldn't stay. All three of us ended up talking in my kitchen for about 10 minutes and it seemed pleasant but that was that. The videogame stuff of her brothers is big and bulky in a suitcase so she even left it at my house again to pick up at a later date. No problem I think. I called on Saturday. No answer. She emails me back a brief couple sentence thing Monday night to say shes been really busy. This whole time shes been mostly off the Internet sites like Facebook, Myspace, etc., where she seems to be pretty active so I believe she could be telling the truth. Well I haven't heard from her on the phone at all this entire week. I haven't tried to call since Saturday as I don't want to pester her. I did email last Tuesday and got no reply. The videogame stuff is still here. I know her brother must be going kinda crazy missing it. I offered in one of the emails about a week ago to bring it back and just drop it off but she didn't reply...? What do you thinks going on? Before we went out, she told me that shes had a problem in the past with guys being interested in her prior to dating, then after going out, they realize that they only want to be friends with her. She said she didn't even have a huge problem with that as she realizes she doesn't have the exact size/shape that guys are into (she feels insecure about the 5'11 thing - I told her I didn't care at all). She said it hurts her tho when they stop even wanting to be friends with her when they determine they aren't interested in a relationship and stop replying to her phone calls, emails, etc. It kinda seems like the same thing shes doing to me tho now? My instinct tells me she probably saw something that told her we were incompatible. Maybe the height difference bothered her more in person than she thought. And I understand that its not even really personal but it just seems so weird. I miss talking to her on the phone latenights now. I'm wondering if she just feels I didn't have romantic interest because I didn't lay it on strong during our first meeting so shes cutting me off before I'd get a chance to do that to her if thats like an issue with her? Should I try asking her or since this was only a first meeting should I just cut my losses? I did hint that I missed talking on the phone at nights but she just dismissed it as being busy and said she enjoyed our night out. But it's like such a 180 from her calling everyday multiple times a day just right before the meeting? I've been kinda laying low without contacting her but again. I know nobody likes a pest in either direction. It just seems weird to like have $1,500 of her brothers videogame equipment sitting over here for a week with virtually no contact now. The Wii and games were like all he was talking about on the trip. I notice as of about 48 hours ago, shes started updating her Facebook rather regularly again with little comments. About 5 new ones in the last 2 days. But still no new emails from her to me. What do you all think I should do?
Left in a Lurch Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 It sounds to me like she probably drives the guys away and makes herself believe they are avoiding her. There really is no excuse for blowing someone off like she is doing. I work typically 10-12 hours a day and sometimes more and a good deal on weekends but I can always find time to call someone. Nobody is ever too busy to call someone unless they are crab fishing, or out of town pulling all-nighters. They may be too busy to want to call you, but they are not too busy to call you. If she wanted to, she would have called. I think you should call her and leave a message, tell her you have her brother's stuff and he must want it back by now. Maybe end the call by telling her she mentioned something about guys avoiding her and cutting contact with her how it really bothered her, and say that makes you wonder why she is doing it to you. Maybe it will force her to respond.
lora22 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 LOL I really like Chat Room's response. Her behavior is BIZARRE, so try doing as he suggested.
Author ExRadioDJ41 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Thanks for your replies. I just didn't know if it was too creepyish to be a little confrontational at this point in a phonecall like that or if I should just call like nothings wrong or not call at all. I mean, if she is not interested in me, she certainly has that right, and calling with pressure probably isn't going to change that... I just wish people were honest and open and told you what they were thinking so you wouldn't have to guess. I mean, I've had someone contact me from an online personals site that was way overly religious for me, way overweight, and she was persuing me too much. I wasn't mean but I flat out told her, we can be friends but we aren't compatible to be in a relationship. Why can't other people do that? Prior to now, I kinda thought with the personal things that she told me that she was being really honest and open. Now I don't know.
lora22 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Thanks for your replies. I just didn't know if it was too creepyish to be a little confrontational at this point in a phonecall like that or if I should just call like nothings wrong or not call at all. I mean, if she is not interested in me, she certainly has that right, and calling with pressure probably isn't going to change that... Well often what people say and what they do are two very different things Anyways, I might say you should just ignore her and let her contact you if she decides she's not "too busy" to go out again, or just write her off entirely, if it weren't for the fact that you have her brother's stuff! Therefore it's not at all creepy, and in fact you have every right to be annoyed at her just over that alone. She is being horribly rude on MANY levels.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 "I just wish people were honest and open and told you what they were thinking so you wouldn't have to guess." I agree, that's why I think you should be honest with her too. You can keep calling, let it go, whatever, but I see nothing wrong with mentioning how she blew you off and that it's crappy. You don't have to be mean about it, but I think you should be honest and open and tell her what you are thinking.
dreamergrl Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I'd drop the stuff off and call it a day, and move on.
carhill Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 What do you all think I should do? Put the videogame equipment up on eBay and send her the link to the auction
Author ExRadioDJ41 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Sometimes I wish I was crazy and unstable enough to really do things like listing them on eBay and sending a link. I'm sure others have and do It made me laugh. Carhill is the first name from here that I remember from giving me advice months ago too. Thanks for that.
carhill Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Here's a quote I find instructive in dealing with people, one crazy and unstable b*astard to another Patton: We're gonna keep fighting. Is that CLEAR? We're gonna attack all night, we're gonna attack tomorrow morning. If we are not VICTORIOUS, let no man come back alive! Lt. Col. Charles R. Codman: You know General, sometimes the men don't know when you're acting. Patton: It's not important for them to know. It's only important for me to know.
2sure Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 When I was on line dating, I learned via experience to not spend too much time or emotional investment (like endless phonecalls) until I had met them in person. Chemistry is either there or it isnt. It doesnt mean there is anything wrong with someone, it doesnt mean I dont find him attractive, but chemistry is a mixture of some things we arent even aware of. So, you both spent too much time and investment in the on line relationship prior to meeting. Expectations may have been too high, whatever. Dont do all that again with someone. Next time, arrange to meet when you are comfortable, but before soooo many long phone calls and daily contact. She may be flighty, sure. Its possible she just feels embarrassed and maybe even surprised that she isnt interested....and is procrastinating about getting her brothers stuff back. She may not even be able to explain to herself why she isnt interested, she is clearly immature. Be a gentleman, for the kids sake - drop off his Wii.
Author ExRadioDJ41 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Well I read the above suggestion and was JUST ABOUT to take this stuff on back to her family when today I got a call from her in the 2pm hour. Explained that over the past week, she'd gone out with friends on the weekend, begun the process of prepping and painting her house, worked everyday including double shifts on two days, went shopping with her father, and all kinds of other things. Outside of that, her Blackberry broke and left her without phone/online access for several of those days. Apparently she was calling from the cellphone dealer after providing a replacement phone and I was told I was the first person she thought to call. We talked while was on her way to work, and told me she'd call again tonight. So I still can't really tell. I mean, now she might just be looking to finally get the stuff back which is fine. But I guess I'll just see what happens...
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