ruggy Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Alright, so there must be something funky going on with the solar system, cause four women e-mailed me today. Anyways, looked at their profiles and pics and did not think we'd be a good fit. So, I politely e-mailed them and said thanks for the e-mail but we are not a good fit. What is so hard for other people, say umm, WOMEN, to do the same for men? Now, I know you all will say, well, ruggy, you just received four messages, I receive north of twenty a day. I could not possibly be able to reply to all. I am much to busy to fiddle with that. No problem, we gotcha covered. THERE'S A NO THANKS BUTTON ON EACH E-MAIL MESSAGE! Rant done.
DarkestDreams Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 There might be such a button on Match, but not on POF. I rarely sent out "thanks but no thanks" messages, except for the times where even though I wasn't interested, the guy wrote a very long, thoughtful and non-generic email. I can only hope that the men don't take it personally, the same way I don't take it personally when I don't get any replies when I'm the one initiating.
D-Lish Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Sadly, life is too short to send out rejection letters to everyone that messages you. I've never written to anyone first on a dating site- but if someone messages me and I am not interested, I delete the message. I've sent out no thank you messages in the past- but sometimes the sender would try and argue with me about why I wouldn't give him a chance and have a chat.
Author ruggy Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Sadly, life is too short to send out rejection letters to everyone that messages you. I've never written to anyone first on a dating site- but if someone messages me and I am not interested, I delete the message. Amazing... Especially, since I thought different of all these months. Ah, well, I guess some people are just, well, a bit self-centered.
eiithan Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I second the above poster. If the women wrote you an email, write back politely: 1) you read her profile, 2) there is an incompatibility due to [life style/belief/lack of common interest/whatsoever], 3) however you believe there are other men who would love to talk to her 4) you wish her all the best. Do not do "no thank you" button unless it is to reply to a wink. I don't take a rejection personally, but I once had someone who did this to my email, resulting in my getting a genetic "thank you for your email but I met someone else." I was momentarily happy for him for it's hard to find a match anyway, went to write him back a congratulation email, then realised there is no new email in the mailbox, it was only an automatic notification.
D-Lish Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Amazing... Especially, since I thought different of all these months. Ah, well, I guess some people are just, well, a bit self-centered. You mean all these months where I actively participated in your threads, tried to help with out with perspectives? All these months of reading your posts and giving you polite advice? Have you participated in any of my threads? Have you offered me any insight over a dilemma I might have posted? Maybe you need to rethink who is self centered.
eiithan Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Amazing... Especially, since I thought different of all these months. Ah, well, I guess some people are just, well, a bit self-centered. While I can see where the OP's coming from, D-Lish also wrote "I've sent out no thank you messages in the past- but sometimes the sender would try and argue with me about why I wouldn't give him a chance and have a chat." Unfortunately there are men who just cannot handle rejections. I have had some myself also. While some men take my polite rejection letter well, even sending me thank you emails for actually writing back to them, I also had those who either chose to pick a fight on me with beliefs that I have ridiculous requirements (when all I am asking is to put his words/actions together)/too shallow to see the values in older men/etc, or to reply me back that they are rejecting me because they don't find me attractive (after I politely turned them down for incompatibility). From what I have seen, those men were 5~15 years older than me. I don't take it personally, think some people are having mid-life crisis, but they did enough to make a bad day. So, yes, I still think many emails deserve replies for the effort and the amount of time spent. However, there are also people who like to cause more drama.
butcher's hook Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Because women get 300 emails a day vs 3. No time to sit there and reject all the emails. Especially the kind that just say "you're hot wanna chat?"
39388 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I've sent out no thank you messages in the past- but sometimes the sender would try and argue with me about why I wouldn't give him a chance and have a chat. I've rejected a few women that were non matches for me by deleting their emails. I don't respond for the same reason you don't respond. Also, a number of women have rejected me by deleting my emails. Fair is fair. Only once did I get anything close to a rejection email. A woman responded to a flirt and gave a "smartass answer" which I didn't appreciate. It would have been nicer to just delete my flirt.
D-Lish Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 While I am more on the OP's side, D-Lish also wrote "I've sent out no thank you messages in the past- but sometimes the sender would try and argue with me about why I wouldn't give him a chance and have a chat." Unfortunately there are men who just cannot handle rejections. I have had some myself also. While some men take my polite rejection letter well, even sending me thank you emails for actually writing back to them, I also had those who either chose to pick a fight on me with beliefs that I have ridiculous requirements (when all I am asking is to put his words/actions together)/too shallow to see the values in older men/etc, or to reply me back that they are rejecting me because they don't find me attractive (after I politely turned them down for incompatibility). From what I have seen, those men were 5~15 years older than me. I don't take it personally, think some people are having mid-life crisis, but they did enough to make a bad day. So, yes, I still think many emails deserve replies for the effort and the amount of time spent. However, there are also people who like to cause more drama. Well considering I have been responding to Ruggy since he joined and made an effort to help him out with unbiased advice- I find his post to me insulting- I am pretty PO'd actually. When I first started online dating I did respond to some e-mails- and I got tired of those trying to pick a fight- have even been called a bitch! I think I have proved myself to be an unselfish poster on this site- I offer help way more than I ask for it! I just don't want to incite drama- and I can't possibly send out 20-25 rejection letters a day, it's not realistic!
Author ruggy Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Because women get 300 emails a day vs 3. No time to sit there and reject all the emails. Especially the kind that just say "you're hot wanna chat?" Very true on some point. The ones who write a e-mail asking about specifics on your profile may be the ones to say no thanks. The ones that say hey baby, wanna chat or something, those can be 86ed. In my opinion...
eiithan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 To D-Lish: I realised after posting that the phrase "I am more on the OP's side" could be misleading :-) What I meant was that I still prefer to reply to emails. It is extremely hard to keep up though after multiple occasions of disappointments. My online dating days were like: 5 immature jerks who pick on a fight with me, I resigned and became ready to quit, then all of sudden, I get this heart-warming "thank you" or "those men who bug you are jerks, do not pay any attention" email. So I was able to keep writing back.
Author ruggy Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Well considering I have been responding to Ruggy since he joined and made an effort to help him out with unbiased advice- I find his post to me insulting- I am pretty PO'd actually. When I first started online dating I did respond to some e-mails- and I got tired of those trying to pick a fight- have even been called a bitch! I think I have proved myself to be an unselfish poster on this site- I offer help way more than I ask for it! I just don't want to incite drama- and I can't possibly send out 20-25 rejection letters a day, it's not realistic! Yes, and that was why I was surprised on your remarks. But hey, all in all, its whatever you feel is right. You do not know them from a brick in the wall. The ones who write a nice letter or ask about you, I think, should be treated with more respect. But, to each his (or in this case, her) own. It does not make you a bad person, just in online dating a very selective person who does not appreciate the attention she gets from men who take time in writing a respectful informative e-mail. Your in good company.. If you would, you do not have to, try and picture yourself in their shoes. Writing an e-mail to a complete stranger they are trying to learn more about. Not talking about the winks and flirts. Men (using that lightly) who do that are pussies. You have an interest in a woman, e-mail or IM her. I can assure you would feel and think different if the roles were reversed. True, you are not, so why should you or any other woman care. You do not have too. Just taking it from a different perspective. On every e-mail I received on women that I do not match with, I at least e-mail them back. Saying thanks, but no thanks. Its just me.
Author ruggy Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 To D-Lish: I realised after posting that the phrase "I am more on the OP's side" could be misleading :-) What I meant was that I still prefer to reply to emails. It is extremely hard to keep up though after multiple occasions of disappointments. My online dating days were like: 5 immature jerks who pick on a fight with me, I resigned and became ready to quit, then all of sudden, I get this heart-warming "thank you" or "those men who bug you are jerks, do not pay any attention" email. So I was able to keep writing back. When a woman says no interest in me, I deal with it. The ones who pick a fight a just pricks. You can always block them from contacting you. Alas, its another chore to do. Very true, but who said finding someone was easy? F*ck, I was quite popular in school and college. Then went to the army for a bit, came back, the world is upside down. All friends I grew up with are gone or married. Stuck with this online dating, and it has led to less than desirable results. I think the big problem is I don't take good picks of me. Thats has to be it. On all dates I've been on, I've been told I am much better looking in person. Wish I could say the same for some of the dates.
butcher's hook Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Very true on some point. The ones who write a e-mail asking about specifics on your profile may be the ones to say no thanks. The ones that say hey baby, wanna chat or something, those can be 86ed. In my opinion... That was my rule of thumb when I did it, those who only focused on how "hot" I looked got deleted no response, those who took the time out to actually read my profile and comment got a decent response back explaining why I didn't see a good fit. And a funny witty email always got a response back.
39388 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Yes, and that was why I was surprised on your remarks. But hey, all in all, its whatever you feel is right. You do not know them from a brick in the wall. The ones who write a nice letter or ask about you, I think, should be treated with more respect. But, to each his (or in this case, her) own. It does not make you a bad person, just in online dating a very selective person who does not appreciate the attention she gets from men who take time in writing a respectful informative e-mail. Your in good company.. If you would, you do not have to, try and picture yourself in their shoes. Writing an e-mail to a complete stranger they are trying to learn more about. Not talking about the winks and flirts. Men (using that lightly) who do that are pussies. You have an interest in a woman, e-mail or IM her. I can assure you would feel and think different if the roles were reversed. True, you are not, so why should you or any other woman care. You do not have too. Just taking it from a different perspective. On every e-mail I received on women that I do not match with, I at least e-mail them back. Saying thanks, but no thanks. Its just me. I just think no response is equivalent to a not interested email. So far every email I've just thrown away has been very unimpressive. That could change with a higher quality email. That said, I'm less than happy when I correspond with a woman back and forth a few times and she stops responding.
Author ruggy Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 I just think no response is equivalent to a not interested email. So far every email I've just thrown away has been very unimpressive. That could change with a higher quality email. That said, I'm less than happy when I correspond with a woman back and forth a few times and she stops responding. Yea, if this keeps up, soon single 4 life really does not sound that bad.
39388 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Yea, if this keeps up, soon single 4 life really does not sound that bad. It's not easy to get dates, but at least I've gotten a couple. I'm going to expand by joining some clubs and hopefully meet someone in real life. The hard part is the happier you are single, the easier it is to get dates.
butcher's hook Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 If you don't mind me saying, I would not put all my hope on internet dating only, see it as just one more option. For what it's worth I met my sweetie at my co-ed volleyball team. I joined a team through the Y and we would sometimes go out for drinks after the games and he and I totally hit it off. You should really keep all your options open and do things that other singles do. Never feel like you "have" to be single for life. The thing I find about online dating is that it reminds you of being super aware of being single every day. It's kind of depressing in itself. But if you are just out doing things in your life you don't even notice you are single and then suddenly you are not. My other friend met her husband at Kung-fu class.
BobSacamento Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 No way. I do not want a rejection letter. If after a day or two, as an adult, I can take a hint if I get no response. At least if I don't get a response I can create my own little fantasy, like they were so intimidated by my dashing good looks they couldn't even form a sentence. Ignorance is bliss in my opinion.
Author ruggy Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 No way. I do not want a rejection letter. If after a day or two, as an adult, I can take a hint if I get no response. At least if I don't get a response I can create my own little fantasy, like they were so intimidated by my dashing good looks they couldn't even form a sentence. Ignorance is bliss in my opinion. LOL Bobby...
dreamergrl Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 When I was doing the online dating thing... If it was just one email, and I was not interested, I did not respond. Now, if there were several emails going back and forth, and I decided I was not interested, then I took the time to let them know I wasn't interested.
stepka Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Because women get 300 emails a day vs 3. No time to sit there and reject all the emails. Especially the kind that just say "you're hot wanna chat?" Wow, you get 300/day? I don't get close to that and I'm a woman, albeit a 50 yo one. I'm just getting sick of fighting off the 25-30 yo who think I'd be so desperate for sex that I'll jump into the sack w/ anyone. And I don't respond if I'm not interested and I rarely get responses back from men who aren't interested. Sometimes one will but his response will be so disinterested that it's more insulting than none at all, so I don't bother to reply to those. So, I'd just rather that they don't respond.
stepka Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 No way. I do not want a rejection letter. If after a day or two, as an adult, I can take a hint if I get no response. At least if I don't get a response I can create my own little fantasy, like they were so intimidated by my dashing good looks they couldn't even form a sentence. Ignorance is bliss in my opinion. So yeah, I'm with you on this. I tell myself it got lost among all their other letters, or they're intimidated by my good looks and intellectual prowess.
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