Pillfairy Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 My husband and I will have been married two years in september, but now he wants a divorce. He's in the military and stationed in Califorina and I was living there with him but he's getting discharged soon so three months ago I came back to our home state to get a job and a house ready for when he gets out. Soon after I came back he started acting funny, not talking to me much and acting rude. Earlier this month a friend told me she saw on his myspace where he was saying he's with another woman. At first, when I asked him about this he denied and even said he's account was hacked and it wasn't him who said that. A couple weeks later he admits it but said she's married to a coworker of his and they did that just to make me mad. I sort of believed him but the more I looked into this, the more it looks like she's not married. Her facebook says she single and there are no pics of a husband or a two year old daughter she claims to have. Her last name is the same as her married name and she's it because her husband took her last name. On myspace, her and my husband always come online around the same time of day. I can't definitely prove if she is married or not since I'm not there in Califorina. I don't think she is. Anyways, my husband says he never talks to 'them' anymore. When I ask why he wants a divorce he says he feels like there's nothing there anymore. When I say we should work on our marriage he refuses. Somedays however, he acts like he might want to consider staying together. Then other days he's just flat out mean and cusses at me for calling. Speaking of calling, his cell is almost always on during the day but when he gets off he turns it off and won't tell me why. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's really cheating or not, I don't know if it's a misunderstanding and he just wants a divorce for some reason. I don't know. I need advice or something, please.
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 He may be telling you there's nothing going on, but his actions certainly are showing you something different. Whether he's having sex with her or just very attached to her, it's wrong and he's putting his energy and attention into another woman and not you! You have every right to be suspicious! Find out her full name, and if she's married. One way to slow down and possibly stop the affair is to tell her husband (that is, she's married), and don't let him back in the house. There isn't much you can do if one person isn't willing to work on the marriage. All you can do is focus on you, and hope that soon he comes out of his fantasy-land affair fog he's in.
PhoenixRise Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Your Husband says he wants a divorce. I think you are going to have to face the fact that your husband is cheating. Stop trusting his words and start trusting your instincts and his actions. Whether this OW is married or not has no bearing on whether or not he is having an affair with her. Do you guys have children?
tami-chan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I assume you love your husband, but what is it with your husband that you love? Is it still there? Is he still the same person you have fallen in love? If the answer is no, then give him the divorce he wants.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 He wants to divorce you because he is with someone else now. There is no misunderstanding that I see. He is doing the classic 'cheating guy' thing. I know you don't want to see it, but it is crystal clear. What to do? Cut your losses, and get as much out of the divorce settlement as you can.
Author Pillfairy Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 I know her full name and even where she lives but I don't know how to find out if she's married. And we have a six month old son.
65tr6 Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 When I say we should work on our marriage he refuses. STOP begging him to work on your marriage. Yes your husband is cheating on you ! OP, I am sorry you are here but you need to take charge of your life. BUT first, snoop and expose. How to snoop ? Do not tell him anything. Act normal. Go on plan A (research on marriagebuilders.com about Plan A). And snoop by installing keylogger on the computer. You said you know her name, google her name, or use intellius.com to get her phone number, address. Find out who she is. Find out the phone numbers on his cell and track down where they are coming from. Logon to facebook and find out who he has been contacting. Expose After you gather all the evidence, expose in one fell swoop. To his OW's husband/boyfriend, parents, your husband's parents, your parents. Your husband's siblings...you get the idea. By the way, do get tested for STDs. Are you working ? If not, how easy/difficult is it to find one...given that you have six month old son at home ?
DiamondClear Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Id get more evolved in his life /friends. Ask them for the truth very seriously. They more then likely might give it to you if you find the right one. where is this guys mother? talk to her
Author Pillfairy Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 His mother lives a couple hours drive from me. She doesn't know anything. He doesn't talk to his parents anymore. Infact, he's withdrawing from everyone he used to be close to.
You'reasian Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 My husband and I will have been married two years in september, but now he wants a divorce. He's in the military and stationed in Califorina and I was living there with him but he's getting discharged soon so three months ago I came back to our home state to get a job and a house ready for when he gets out. Soon after I came back he started acting funny, not talking to me much and acting rude. Earlier this month a friend told me she saw on his myspace where he was saying he's with another woman. At first, when I asked him about this he denied and even said he's account was hacked and it wasn't him who said that. A couple weeks later he admits it but said she's married to a coworker of his and they did that just to make me mad. I sort of believed him but the more I looked into this, the more it looks like she's not married. Her facebook says she single and there are no pics of a husband or a two year old daughter she claims to have. Her last name is the same as her married name and she's it because her husband took her last name. On myspace, her and my husband always come online around the same time of day. I can't definitely prove if she is married or not since I'm not there in Califorina. I don't think she is. Anyways, my husband says he never talks to 'them' anymore. When I ask why he wants a divorce he says he feels like there's nothing there anymore. When I say we should work on our marriage he refuses. Somedays however, he acts like he might want to consider staying together. Then other days he's just flat out mean and cusses at me for calling. Speaking of calling, his cell is almost always on during the day but when he gets off he turns it off and won't tell me why. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's really cheating or not, I don't know if it's a misunderstanding and he just wants a divorce for some reason. I don't know. I need advice or something, please. Are you actually married IRL?
Author Pillfairy Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Are you actually married IRL? Uh, yes. What makes you think I'm not?
blueintheface Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I would think that he is telling you there is nothing going on because there are consequenses tyo having an affair whilst serving in the military. Just a guess. If you want to work it out ... i think you would have to be face to face, not long distance.
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