MissingMyHubby Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Quick backlog: A girl had found me on a dating site 2 months ago, she got ahold of me 1st, I responded back 2 weeks later. Since then we have gradually emailed once a week to twice a week to FB messaging and FB IM conversations. I asked her to go hiking with me and she said she would be up for it. Over the last couple convos, she seemed very interested and actually said ..."so what about the hiking, etc?" We agreed on a date for tonight a few nights ago and actually was the one to ask ME out AND say "so pick me up beforehand?" (Tonight we were supposed to go to a reggae festival.) In conversation, she even mentioned that if tonight were to go well that we should hang out the NEXT day too. All good indicators.... So this morning I got a text at 11am saying "Hey, im so sorry but would we be able to have our date for tommorow instead?" I responded an hour later, after much thought, with "Ya, we will just have to make tommorow twice as fun!" She responded with "Yes!" right away. So as of now, we are having a date tommorow, but I have not given any sort of specific time or place. Is it my job to contact HER since she flaked for tonight? Or should she contact ME with details for tommorow. Originally I did tell her that if tonight went well that I had "great plans for the next day, aka a surprise." My only worry is that there is another guy (ex) in the picture that she is weighing her options. There is a guy on her FB that has written on her wall a few times since we have became "friends" and he has been in a lot of her pictures from the past. My gut tells me that he sees me as a threat and is trying to stake his claim. Who knows, I guess none of my business. Thankfully she doesn't know all of my "needy and insecure" feelings I am venting to YOU guys! So in final, what do I do?
Balthazar Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Quick backlog: So this morning I got a text at 11am saying "Hey, im so sorry but would we be able to have our date for tommorow instead?" I responded an hour later, after much thought, with "Ya, we will just have to make tommorow twice as fun!" She responded with "Yes!" right away. So as of now, we are having a date tommorow, but I have not given any sort of specific time or place. Thankfully she doesn't know all of my "needy and insecure" feelings I am venting to YOU guys! So in final, what do I do? Well, actually she does know all your "needy and insecure" feelings.... because you rescheduled immediately and seemed quite cheerful about her snub too! Furthermore, Yes it is your job to set up specific times and details, but in this case, she could have shown a bit more interest. Bottom line, women who are interested rarely break dates with men..... I hope this is the case with you. So call her and set up the second date. But any further sign of flakiness and you must kick her to the curb. No good will come of it... believe me. Cheers,
lora22 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 My only worry is that there is another guy (ex) in the picture that she is weighing her options. There is a guy on her FB that has written on her wall a few times since we have became "friends" and he has been in a lot of her pictures from the past. My gut tells me that he sees me as a threat and is trying to stake his claim. Who knows, I guess none of my business. Thankfully she doesn't know all of my "needy and insecure" feelings I am venting to YOU guys! So in final, what do I do? It IS your business if she's blowing you off for him. Personally, since she's the one who CXed plans, I think it's her responsibility to plan the rescheduled date. If I honestly thought that I was being blown off for someone else, I'd be totally turned off. That's just me. First dates are about making good impressions right? So trying to reschedule doesn't make the best impression, therefore she should be trying a little harder to impress you. Plus, I just think it's good etiquette to offer alternate plans when you cancel.
Author MissingMyHubby Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 I didn't reschedule immediatley! She said originally that if tonight were to go well that we should hang out the following day! Not only that but SHE said in her 1st text if we could move it to tommorow. Basically we are just going to hang out 1 day instead of the 2 (assuming day 1 went well and we liked each other.) Balthazar, what am I supposed to do, say "aw Im disapointed that sucks yada etc etc?" I think she responded well to my positiveness of her "snub." Im sure I will find out tomorrow the reason for the cancel. To the 2nd poster, I am just speculating. No real evidence she ax'ed plans with me for another dude. She flakes again though, Im done.
DarkestDreams Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 She didn't flake, she rescheduled. What's the big deal? People do have lives and things are bound to come up. She apologized and set another date - the next day, not the next week. You haven't even had your first date, so it's premature to assume 1) she's blowing you off, 2) she's blowing you off because of an ex. Since she rescheduled, the onus would be on her to propose something for the date, but she's probably waiting for you to be the "man" and plan it. So do it.
Balthazar Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I didn't reschedule immediatley! She said originally that if tonight were to go well that we should hang out the following day! Not only that but SHE said in her 1st text if we could move it to tommorow. Basically we are just going to hang out 1 day instead of the 2 (assuming day 1 went well and we liked each other.) Balthazar, what am I supposed to do, say "aw Im disapointed that sucks yada etc etc?" I think she responded well to my positiveness of her "snub." Im sure I will find out tomorrow the reason for the cancel. To the 2nd poster, I am just speculating. No real evidence she ax'ed plans with me for another dude. She flakes again though, Im done. Look, it seems to me that she is the one pulling the strings here... and you don't want that! I mean, she said "If things go well, we should hang...." DO you understand how insulting a remark that is? She is basically telling you that it is all up to her.... and you're going along with that! You can't have women dictating the terms. You either lead them or follow them. The minute they say stuff like that and you don't call them out on it, is the minute the balance in the budding relationship totters... In any case, see how the date goes...but be careful with this one...
Bejita463 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Look, it seems to me that she is the one pulling the strings here... and you don't want that! I mean, she said "If things go well, we should hang...." DO you understand how insulting a remark that is? She is basically telling you that it is all up to her.... and you're going along with that! You can't have women dictating the terms. You either lead them or follow them. The minute they say stuff like that and you don't call them out on it, is the minute the balance in the budding relationship totters... In any case, see how the date goes...but be careful with this one... Maybe it is naiveté, but I would never have looked at it quite like that. It seems like a pretty harmless remark to me.
RedRussian Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Maybe you are "naiveté" and maybe you are a doormat....maybe
LovelyLeslie Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Okay dude... Here's what you have to do okay... Tomorrow... before you're date. Go buy yourself some chlorophorm... Use it to get her unconscious. Tie her up, the when she wakes up. get her to phone her "other guy" and tell him to take a hike.... That way you get rid of the other guy AND you'll have her all to yourself! No need to thank me. Just doing what I can to help
Bejita463 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Maybe you are "naiveté" and maybe you are a doormat....maybe I am aware I may be naive, which is specifically why I said that. Is there a particular reason you feel such rudeness was warranted? Be civil please. Tomorrow... before you're date. Go buy yourself some chlorophorm... "Does this rag smell like chloroform?" is the first thing that entered my head when I read that.
torranceshipman Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Tbh Bejita, I think you're just chilled out and not jaded...I read it the same way as you did...but some people have dated a lot and gotten bitter from bad experiences so they read a lot more negative stuff into these things than you would... I agree - what's the big deal if she rescheduled? If she is flaky after that, then obviously avoid her, but it all looks ok / normal at the moment...one thing though, I wouldnt put too much thought and time into wondering about an ex or looking at her FB as that'll drive you mad and you haven't even met her yet!!
carhill Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 So as of now, we are having a date tommorow, but I have not given any sort of specific time or place. Is it my job to contact HER since she flaked for tonight? Or should she contact ME with details for tommorow. Perhaps water under the bridge but I have a couple simple rules I follow, which indicate a woman is compatible with me: Man asks woman out on date. Woman agrees. Later woman requests reschedule. Man suggests rescheduled time and place at that point. Woman decides. Man accepts that decision. If woman needs 'time' to think about it (check schedule, etc), woman calls man to update him within 24 hours. Dating arrangement are made via phone (meaning aurally) or in person. This builds intimacy and interest. Texts and e-mails are for incidental communications. Lastly, unless this person is a longtime friend turned dating partner, you don't even know each other yet. Ratchet down expectations. Avoid inferences from social networking sites. Refrain from assigning this person more meaning than they are due. They earn that, over time and with interaction. Good luck!
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