woopsadaisey Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Right, Here it is. I'm a guy my girlfriend is looking for some space for awhile. Here is the background story….. Im away living in and working in another country, I visit her as often as I can 2-3 weeks been about right. When were together we spend a lot of time with each other. So she was having some doubts and she doesnt really know what she wants, and is confused. I tried listening to her and understanding what she was feeling, after all its tough because I am away and that. I am due to return home in 6 weeks for good, so I would think that the worries would ease rather than increase. In retrospect, the last few weeks she was a bitch to me, I could do nothing right, but I told her that I understood that its hard and that she was under pressure from work and home. So we said that we would stop texting each other as much to relieve her pressure two weeks ago, so last week she blatently ignored me one night after I had text her. The next day, I asked her if what happened did she fall asleep and she said no, that she just wanted space….fair enough I can understand that but why the no contact – it was just ignorant. So I was still sympathetic to her and then she had the cheek to say that me been nice was making her feel worse and that she would have more respect for me if I had not text her the next day after she had not text me, that she didn’t deserve it. Worse thing is, that if I hadn’t text her the next and she had been just asleep or doin something else, then I would have copped it from her. After the respect thing, I told her to go sort her head out and look at herself instead of blaming me. I want to text her, cos she is goin away for 1 month next next week, but I don’t want to at the same time cos she wants space and she was just been a bitch and she should be texting/contacting me. What to do or what should I not do?
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 What to do? Cut her loose. All signs point to her already being involved with someone else.
murphomatic Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Hmmm.... if she's asking for space --- give it to her. If she flies - then it was never meant to be and you've saved yourself from more heartache that would've happened further down the road. 6 weeks isn't that much time - and if she seems to be getting more and more tense about your return home - it's because she's not certain that she wants you to return home. I'd honor her request and let her sort her head out on her own accord. She'll either realize what a great guy you are and how much she doesn't want to lose you, or she'll conclude that she's ready to move on from you. Sucks that you have to play a little bit of a waiting game - but if you think she's worth waiting for, it won't be that painful. If you don't think she's worth waiting for ... then this is somewhat of a pointless discussion.
boogieboy Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 My ex did the exact same story. She IS seeing someone else. Cut her loose.
Eleventy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Going to play worst-case scenario here. I think she's interested in someone else. "Confused and doesn't know what she wants" in this context might as well be "I don't know whether to stay and work things out with you or continue seeing this other guy back here." It sounds like she is feeling guilty and is trying to keep you out of sight/out of mind as much as possible, which is probably why she has been saying that your nice demeanor makes her feel worse. It may be making her feel more guilty, as she can technically find nothing to fault you on, but is still more interested in another. Hence, the bitchiness -- sounds like she's just looking for an excuse to get angry with you to ease the guilt and justify cutting ties so she can pursue some other dude you aren't aware of. Either way, go ahead and give her the space. In the meantime, focus on yourself.
Author woopsadaisey Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 I appreciate all points of view. I can say that she definitely isn’t involved with anybody else, although I ca nnot say for certain what she is thinking and if she would like to do that. Another problem on the contacting her – its her birthday at the end of next week, kinda the same day as we started going out one year ago…..should I even text then or leave the space so she figures out that it may not be that great without a guy texting you happy bday, or is that not cool for neglecting that, even with troubles and “space”?
murphomatic Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 How about using plain ol' snail-mail and sending her a traditional card for her b-day? If she's looking for space, that would be a way to avoid being too intrusive, yet let her know you're thinking about her. Also one doesn't feel the same kind of response-requirement to something they receive in the postbox vs. their text-message inbox. Just my $0.02.
boogieboy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I appreciate all points of view. I can say that she definitely isn’t involved with anybody else, although I ca nnot say for certain what she is thinking and if she would like to do that. Another problem on the contacting her – its her birthday at the end of next week, kinda the same day as we started going out one year ago…..should I even text then or leave the space so she figures out that it may not be that great without a guy texting you happy bday, or is that not cool for neglecting that, even with troubles and “space”? She wants space, that includes texting for any occasion. Leave her alone. Thats the best thing you can do. If she asks, you were busy and youre sorry. Got that? Dont be in denial, if you read more of the threads on this board, you will see that women RARELY leave someone for nobody. Many women CANT be alone. So they stay in a relationship that they dont like until they find someone new. Like the vine swinging analogy. She IS seeing someone else, especially since you left her alone so many times while you wer away. The very minute she starts being bitchy to you is when she met someone else, and compared you to him, and you lost. Thats the way it works. Why the no contact you ask? because when she says "Im confused", it really means "Somehow you bore me now and I dont remember exactly when it happened, but I want out", and she doesnt want to keep talking to you about it, because you will only keep asking questions. Shes been though this before and she knows how you will act. Best thing you can do is stay as far away from her as possible. She wants space, you give it. Let her contact you, but make sure youre unavailable. Let her work to get your attention. You DONT want to be friends, that will only prolong your suffering. Let he feel her guilt, thats what she deserves.
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