LadyV Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 But there hasn't been contact since. It was Father's Day, I had been struggling with a lot of "Should I shouldn't I" and finally just did it. I included him in a mass txt to all the father's I know. This is how it went: Me: Happy Father's Day to all you dads! Hope you have a great day Him: Thanks. Even if it's a mass text Me: Him: U did that on purpose, didn't u? Me: No, I just sent a mass text to all the dad's I know. U included. Him: Thanks. Me: Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Seriously tho, I hope you have a great day! Him: U didn't upset me and Thank You. I'm happy to hear from you. I didn't reply. Before this text, I had recieved 2 emails, that were forwards. The first one was sent to his son and I, and the 2nd was a forward/joke about sex. I replied to that asking. "You trying to rub it in?" His reply was, "I'm not trying to rub it in you dork, just thought you would like it..." I replied back, "Oh I see" Not A word since all this, which is totally fine with me. I guess it was kind of a test to me to see if I could handle it, and to be honest, I did. I didn't feel the desire to talk to him. I didn't feel the need to ask him how he was doing because honestly, I don't want to know. Besides, he's got a new love now and I am moving on with my life... My Father's Day greeting was just a simple gesture....Not a hook and reel because I DO NOT want someone like this back in my life again. I'm taking charge of my life and taking care of me....that is what is important. I now know that if I do get an email from him, I won't freak out...just read it and hit the delete button. As far as text? I doubt I will get one from him...Even if I did, I feel confident enough to just do the same...ignore and delete.... 49 days total NC, and I guess and now am no longer counting the days...because I guess I would have to start over, huh? LOL. Seriously though, it's okay. I feel so much better and stronger knowing that with that limited talk, the temptation wasn't there. I no loner look for his car. I dont' care at all to hear from him. Even now that his number is unblocked, I don't jump whenever the phone alerts me of a text or call. Does this mean I'm getting over it? I sure hope so because I just want to continute to move past it all.... Since the very last time I'd seen him, and since I went NC, I've made some real positive changes... I work out 5 days a week. I quit smoking I've lost 15 lbs! Crazy!! I'm taking care of me and embracing life and enjoying it!!!! There are days when I get down...It usually happens if I let my mind wander, but right away, I get focused on something else...My counselor calls it "Thought replacement" and it has been a great motivator because I've been so focused at work...part of the reason why I haven't been posting, I've had my moments, don't get me wrong, but not a tear shed over him! I haven't crept FB or Myspace either. That is a good thing....I'm staying off his/her site because I don't wnt to know how in love they are...lol. If I can even call it that.... Anyways, just an update for my LS friends...It's been a while, but I'm doing good . I plan on moving around and reading some other posts and commenting too!!!
fairycake Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Hi Lady V, I'm glad you're doing better. Although I don't get why you text him at all, especially if you don't want to hear from him? I'm pleased it didn't get to you though.
Author LadyV Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Hi Lady V, I'm glad you're doing better. Although I don't get why you text him at all, especially if you don't want to hear from him? I'm pleased it didn't get to you though. As I mentioned, I sent it to all the Dad's I know. I know I didn't have to tell him Happy Father's Day, but I just wanted to be nice and send one to him too...No intentions...If there were intentions there, I would have sent it only to him...I don't want to be bitter and angry anymore...I just want to move past it. I haven't heard from him, nor him from me. I think that if I would keep in touch, then that would send me in a downward spiral... I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to...just as a nice gesture...
bluewolf17 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 LadyV, I am so happy to hear that you are doing great! I think if you felt good about that text, then good for you. I am glad you could do it and not regret it, or feel bad afterwards. NC has done you wonders! And congrats on quitting smoking, losing weight and overall just improving yourself! You are a example for all of us! Keep us posted on your Progress! Bluewolf17
boogieboy Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Try deleting his number, unless you wanted his reaction.
Author LadyV Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 LadyV, I am so happy to hear that you are doing great! I think if you felt good about that text, then good for you. I am glad you could do it and not regret it, or feel bad afterwards. NC has done you wonders! And congrats on quitting smoking, losing weight and overall just improving yourself! You are a example for all of us! Keep us posted on your Progress! Bluewolf17 Blue, there are no regrets at all...and like I said, I am not anticipating him to contact me again...Just a kind gesture...I'm glad I did it too...It didn't open any doors, if anything, made me realize that yes, infact...the doors are closed...on my end anyway.... Thank you....I have been wanting to change thing about ME for a long time...even after my divorce. I think that this relationship/break up with XBF really opened my eyes to a lot about myself. More importantly, helped me make the changes to better myself and really figure out what it is that I want...Looking back, I still needed to heal from my divorce...I was alone and very vulnerable and willing to change who I was just for him. I ask myself "Did I love him?" I wonder that because I have to love myself first before I can really love someone else. If I was willing to lose friends, and change things about me that HE KNEW was part of who I am just out of fear of being alone, then there is something wrong with me...and I need to love and respect me...I think I cared for him deeply...I loved him the best I could...but have to love myself first... Blue, I hope you are doing well. I am trying to catch up because it's been a while since I've logged in... Thanks again for the support. Yes, NC has done me wonders. Something I thought was so impossible, has become easier, and is much easier with time....
Author LadyV Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Try deleting his number, unless you wanted his reaction. I had his number blocked and just recently unblocked it..I have it memorized so it wouldn't matter. He hasn't text since that day, and honestly, feel he won't.
boogieboy Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I had his number blocked and just recently unblocked it..I have it memorized so it wouldn't matter. He hasn't text since that day, and honestly, feel he won't. Why would you unblock his number when youre still trying to heal?
Author LadyV Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Because I just didn't feel the need to have it blocked anymore. He is with his new love... Again, for me to heal, I just feel that I need to let the anger and bitterness go. Everyone heals in their own way. Me not being angry at him anymore is my way of healing. I know what I want. It isn't with him. I no longer long to have him in my life...It's been 3 months since the break up and almost 2 months since NC was started. That has given me time to really think about what I want...not caring what he wants. I go to church and our sermon last week was about Forgiviness...we are doing a Bible Study on 30 days to live...if you only had 30 days to live, what would you do? This made me think about a lot...it made me think that I don't want to be angry and bitter tword my ex. I know he won't bother me...he has respected me thus far. I can't control what he does, but can only control what I do...and for me, that is letting go of the anger.... As I sit here, my phone is in the other room. I don't care if he texts me or not. I don't sit around waiting or wondering if that alert coming through is him...it feels good to let that go... I am embracing who I am becoming...and that is someone who is growing strong every day... We were together for 4 months officially, but 5 if you include us going back and forth...I was married for 13 years...letting go of my marriage was one of the hardest things for me...this 5 month relationship, although intense, I believe HAD to happen in order for me to grow and heal and move past some issues I was facing. I don't regret it, although I got hurt in the end, I am glad it happend...because it did make me stronger, and it continues to each day...I really feel the best I have in a long time...to be going to the gym again, and spending some real time with my family and friends...Nothing compares to that!!! I no longer feel the need to "protect" myself from him in a sense that I need to block his number...It was blocked for 2 months...I'm now used to not talking to him anymore and it feels good to break free of that....
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 He has someone else now? How did you take that? Was it hard? That's what keeps me from contacting her, honestly. I'm too scared of what I'll find out. This goes away with time, right? Ahhh. Doubts. Doubts. Doubts.
Author LadyV Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 He has someone else now? How did you take that? Was it hard? That's what keeps me from contacting her, honestly. I'm too scared of what I'll find out. This goes away with time, right? Ahhh. Doubts. Doubts. Doubts. It was hard at first because he and I were still in contact, although we had broken up just 3 weeks prior, when he started talking to new girl. I saw it all develop of facebook. I was ready to just move on and let go...I didn't want to talk to him at all, and needed to do what I needed to do to make sure he couldn't get a hold of me. It all worked, he stayed away...There was NC on my end, but he, several times, contacted me. Not via phone because he was blocked, but he left a card on my door for my graduation from college, and sent me 2 emails to my work. It didn't surprise me, and I figured that he is going to contact me regardless some way or some how, but what I do with it is what makes a differnce.... I know he's with someone else, and I am glad...SHE can deal with his committment issues. Not that I hate her because I don't, I feel bad for her because in time, she will end up in the same boat I was in, as well as his 2 ex wives, and numerous ex girlfriends. It's crazy how I see things so differntly now. I'm glad though because I know what I want, and it isn't him. It does take time, you will get there, Road To Joy...just give it time...
fabulous_chk Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 You are very strong, i keep telling you LadyV. I am on day 5 of my NC again! This has torn me to pieces - I should never have broken NC for anything in the first place! I'm happy you are doing so well.
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 It was hard at first because he and I were still in contact, although we had broken up just 3 weeks prior, when he started talking to new girl. I saw it all develop of facebook. I was ready to just move on and let go...I didn't want to talk to him at all, and needed to do what I needed to do to make sure he couldn't get a hold of me. It all worked, he stayed away...There was NC on my end, but he, several times, contacted me. Not via phone because he was blocked, but he left a card on my door for my graduation from college, and sent me 2 emails to my work. It didn't surprise me, and I figured that he is going to contact me regardless some way or some how, but what I do with it is what makes a differnce.... I know he's with someone else, and I am glad...SHE can deal with his committment issues. Not that I hate her because I don't, I feel bad for her because in time, she will end up in the same boat I was in, as well as his 2 ex wives, and numerous ex girlfriends. It's crazy how I see things so differntly now. I'm glad though because I know what I want, and it isn't him. It does take time, you will get there, Road To Joy...just give it time... Inspiring! Thank you for the reassurance. And I see what you mean about feeling sorry for their next lover. My ex has A LOT she needs to deal with within herself so I know for a fact she's not going to have a successful relationship anytime soon. The thought that prods at my mind, though, is how she'll feel about that person regardless of how sh*tty their relationship turns out, y'know? Loving them. But heck, it's inevitable, and I've known that for a long time now. I'm just hoping with time the little anxiety that thought gives me will go away. Congrats on your progress and your graduation from college! Good to hear you're still living your life.
Author LadyV Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 You are very strong, i keep telling you LadyV. I am on day 5 of my NC again! This has torn me to pieces - I should never have broken NC for anything in the first place! I'm happy you are doing so well. Fabulous_Chk, Please don't be so hard on yourself. I think we all eventually get to that point where we say enough is enough. We may stumble, but that's okay...We get there eventually...You were worried about him and wanted to be there during his loss, and he came to you. Anyone in your situation would do it. I would. I'm glad you decided to initiate NC again. Although I text XBF a Happy Father's Day, I still consider myself in NC because I'm not texting him, emailing him, or trying to talk to him. I just don't care. His number is no longer blocked, and I still haven't gotten anything from him, not even a forward. And I don't even look for anything either! It feels so good to not be anticipating if I am going to hear from him...No more sitting around waiting..wondering....You will get there too!! Keep your head up....again, don't be so hard on yourself.
Author LadyV Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Inspiring! Thank you for the reassurance. And I see what you mean about feeling sorry for their next lover. My ex has A LOT she needs to deal with within herself so I know for a fact she's not going to have a successful relationship anytime soon. The thought that prods at my mind, though, is how she'll feel about that person regardless of how sh*tty their relationship turns out, y'know? Loving them. But heck, it's inevitable, and I've known that for a long time now. I'm just hoping with time the little anxiety that thought gives me will go away. Congrats on your progress and your graduation from college! Good to hear you're still living your life. Well, trust me...I just think about how he was with me. It used to make me sick to think about him with her. When I would creep their FB/MS pages, she always wrote about how smitten she was, and so forth, but the funny thing is, he would NEVER write anything about her. I do have a confession, his roomie last night told me that he had someone over the other night and he didn't think it was her...SHADY!!!!! WOW!!!! It doesn't surprise me...just makes me realize more and more that he is NOT someone I want in my life.... I do feel bad for her, because I seriously see him as a "commitment phobe" he told his roomate before he and I started really dating, "I am going to try the whole 1 woman thing" Wow...That was another eye opener.... Time does heal all wounds....Sometimes we may get a little salt in those wounds, but remember, it washes out!!!
Recommended Posts