HuniBunz Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Well, I'm 21 and i've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. The relationship is great, i can honestly say i fell in love with him and he has fallen in love with me as well. I believed that for a long time, since i felt it, i felt like he loved me, he always said it, he expressed it. However, something is happening and i am torn apart. Our fights are so stupid, we have no legit fights, it's basically over nothing. We're both very stubborn, but I realized, that since i've been with him, i would rather agree with him that "i was wrong" and end the fight then keep fighting. Yet that got me nowhere, now i have no say in anything. During our last fight, he was so ticked off, that he said he's giving me my space to which i did not agree too, yet he insisted. I feel distant, i feel like maybe he doesn't care anymore and maybe, possibly his love died out. I feel like it's only my fault, and i'm beating myself up for it. I feel such pain that it's spread through my whole body. Every part of me hurts. I can't sleep at night I constantly wake up. I want to fix this, but i'm so hurt and lost, can someone advise me of what to do?
13arkansas Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Iknow it's not what you might want to hear, but I think that you need to take this time out that he's pushed on you, and really use it. Get some distance from him and try to find yourself a little bit again - like you said, he's got you in a grip where you feel like you are losing yourself, and that can't go on else you're in for a permanently depressing R. I think if he is really into you he will be scared of losing you and might start acting better toward you if you do this...and it'll be very good for you. Things don't sound healthy right now.
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 He's got you backed into a corner, where he holds the continuation of the relationship over your head until you back down, each and every time. I would take this time and break his hold. Walk away before this becomes worse. Good relationship dynamics are when two people want to make things work. It starts with how you fight together. It should be give and take, sometimes rolling over, other times getting your way. The balance should be happy compromise.
NoTNorMal Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 He might have no clue what-so-ever that you like him so much. Maybe he thinks you'll find/found someone you like more than him, ever consider that? I've given up on girls before when I thought they did not love and trust me, that just makes sense to me. Do you two have a contest to see who can be the most stubborn? That would have to get real old real fast. Could he just be extremely lonely and maybe from a broken home? Maybe he is too stubborn to accept that you are stubborn, and thinks you are happy-go-lucky? I took Stubborn Protocol 404 on-line, and learned only a few things. Firstly, if you are taken to the cleaners (or take yourself), you will remain there because you refuse to leave. Secondly, when you finally do leave the cleaners you should call the BBB if you find a rat in your jeans-shorts.
butcher's hook Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I feel distant, i feel like maybe he doesn't care anymore and maybe, possibly his love died out. I feel like it's only my fault, and i'm beating myself up for it. I feel such pain that it's spread through my whole body. Every part of me hurts. I can't sleep at night I constantly wake up. I want to fix this, but i'm so hurt and lost, can someone advise me of what to do? This is exactly what he wants you to feel and where he wants you to be. In a scared little corner thinking you are solely to blame for all your problems. Let me remind you that every relationship problem that arises is 50/50 no one person is constantly to blame for the negative behaviors that ensue in a relationship. Here's what you need to do, because he knows he has a hold on you and expects you to react in such a way that will include being so fearful of losing him that you will give in to his whims and do what it takes to keep him by your side you should call him on his bluff. You should accept calmly that he wants time apart and offer him the exact same benefit of being apart. Tell him: "you are right this is a good idea, it will help you to reflect on whether this is really how you want to conduct yourself in our relationship and it will give me a chance to see if I really want to continue in a relationship that holds no level of healthy communication. This will be a good opportunity for you and me to come up with productive ways for us to understand each other and learn to communicate better, this break will be good!" Do the complete unexpected! Walk away and do not contact him in any way and tell him not to contact you until he has a solid plan. You plant the seed to let him also reflect on what he is doing, if he comes back to you in a few week's time with "I want out for good" then you know he was looking for an excuse to break up. If you want out for good in a few weeks time then this time will be used to get your head on a more balanced plane. Your guy has learned very quickly the art of manipulation and emotional abuse, time to squash that notion early on!
NoTNorMal Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 You probably hurt him just as bad as he hurt you. Maybe he decided to try and let someone else hurt him for a while before he decided come back to let you hurt him a little more. I'd keep hurting him, sounds like your getting pretty good at it.
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