desertsun09 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I have a date with a really nice, good looking guy tonight, but I am not excited about it at all. I am afraid I'll just be thinking abuot my ex the whole night (we broke up a month and a half ago), and being miserable. I'm not sure how to move on. Friends are telling me to get back out there and date, that it will make me feel better, but I don't know if I'm ready. I'm just not sure how to move on. All I can think about day and night is my ex and how "wonderful" he is and how I should be with him and not this new guy. I can't seem to remind myself of all the bad qualities my ex has. Any suggestions? Should I cancel?
Taucher Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I personally would not consider going on a date yet (5 weeks since my GF left me) for the reasons that you stated above. It sounds like you aren't ready. However, it could be great and you might surprise yourself by having a really great time, but whether that happens or not depends on your date and not on you. The other thing to consider is that this person you have a date with could be someone amazing and it could be the start of something great but if you arent ready for it, it probably wont work anyway.
Author desertsun09 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Forgot to mention that i've been through a helluva lot in the past two months. Got dumped, found out i was pregnant with ex's baby, had miscarriage....maybe I am moving too fast? Help?
Author desertsun09 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Thanks Taucher, you've given me something to think about. My greatest worry is that if my date is rude, annoying, or disrespectful in anyway, I will be on a hair trigger. I think it will make me even more depressed and I will start thinking there’s no one out there that will ever replace my ex. But then again, it may help get me outta the house at least.
asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I definitely think that it's too early for you to start dating, desertsun. You've already identified the reasons why this is true. There are a few girls I could start dating, if I wanted to. But I'm going to hold off on that until I'm feeling a lot better about things. I maintain contact with my dating prospects, stay friendly, try and be cool, and just hold off on plunging into a dating situation for the time being. It sounds like you're in the same boat, and should do the same.
aboynamedmike Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 desertsun, when i broke up with my ex after she cheated on me, i started hanging out with this girl who really liked me and it just culminated into a big disaster. Granted, i got back together with her and tried to work it out but we ended up breaking up again (yesterday). But i think you'll know when you want to date again. I know right now I miss her a lot, but it's better that we don't date and just be friends. When your heart is broken, it's hard for you to feel any kind of love/attraction at all it seems..
offset_man Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Go. No one says you need to get married to the guy. But who knows, this could be the love of your life. Go. You need to break the pattern of despair and the only way to do that is to get out there. Tell the guy that there is no guarantee that you are going to be ready to do it again, but I really would encourage you to get out and it may get your mind off this downward spiral. I am no a relationship guru by any stretch of the imagination, but I think you need to do it. My two cents.
Thomas X Forever Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I'm using some in depth psychology when I warn you of this. Off set man could very well be right, but it's about as likely as if you went out and won a jackpot lottery ticket. Right now. Not that his opinion isn't still a valid one, because it is. But it's just VERY UNLIKELY right now. You will end up screwing him over. And yourself too. And everyone else close to you, most likely.
asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Don't do it. If he's a great guy, and you end up falling for him, you will fail to see that this will be a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships usually wind up ending in a bad way. It's not good for you or for him.
Lyssa Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Friends are telling me to get back out there and date, that it will make me feel better, but I don't know if I'm ready. I'm just not sure how to move on. All I can think about day and night is my ex and how "wonderful" he is and how I should be with him and not this new guy. I can't seem to remind myself of all the bad qualities my ex has. Please forget about the date for now. You are not over your ex and you know this. It's best if you take the time to heal - you have gone through so much the past 2 months, desertsun.
Battlewax Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Perhaps you are looking at this the wrong way. Why does it have to be a "date?" It could just as easily be, two friends hanging out. Granted, you might not know them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going out and meeting new people, just be honest up front about things. Some of my closest female friends are one's that I met during a break up.
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