justanotherstory Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Hi my name is James and I'm 22 years old. I'm having a very hard time sleeping these days, maybe after I have made my mind up about this dilemma will i be able to sleep again. For those of you who make it through this story, I hope to get your thoughts and opinions on it. So lets rewind to March 2007. My old job transferred me to work at a nearby location for the summer as they were shortstaffed. It was only a 50 km drive and they paid for the travel expenses. On my first day of work I met this beautiful receptionist, lets call her Susan, who I never thought would give me the light of day. At the time I was an socially awkward (was only ever comfortable with my few close friends) chubby boy who had issues with very bad acne. We started talking at work and after work and hit it off pretty well. After the first two weeks we started talking every night for hours on end (boy did I ever need to upgrade my cell phone plan). This girl made me feel great about myself, I started eating healthy and working out. So I learned that she was in an off and on relationship with her highschool sweet heart (she was a first year nursing student at the time) who treated her very badly, we'll call him Andre. I convinced her to go out on a date with me which went very well and I invited her back to my place (lived alone) afterwards to which she said yes to. Things were getting hot and heavy and topless when I stopped it (dumb me) because I wanted it to be more than just sex and wanted a relationship with her. Boy was that awkward. After several apologies we did talk again and she ended things for good with her boyfriend and we started dating. During this whole time my friends warned me that those who cheat with you, will cheat on you. I went back to Vietnam in July for vacation for a month and spent the whole time webcamming, texting and talking on the phone with her only to find when I came back she got back together with Andre. I was very angry but even more then that, hurt. I ended all contact, and relocated back to my original office and stopped contact. A few weeks later he cheated on her and she broke up with him and came back to me apologizing and saying she wanted me. I decided to give her a second chance. Things went very well for the next few months and came December, we had the talk and although we were already seeing eachother exclusively, we made it official. Things were up and down for us, although mostly up. Most of the down part was for one reason, her parents hated me even though they've never met me. She's the youngest of 3 children and the only girl. Her parents also wanted her to be with a Chinese boy, but I'm Vietnamese. I learned shortly after that her parents wanted to send her to the states to visit a friend of theirs who had a son, we'll call him Collin who is from a smart and rich Chinese family and stay with them for a week. I voiced my concerns to her and she told her parents she wasn't going (this was in March). A few months later her parents bought her a ticket to visit Collin for a month and said either go or leave the house. After many arguments back and forth she said fine she will go for two weeks but when she gets back she'll be going on vacation with me for a week and they hesitantly agreed to it. The night before she left we spent it together and she promised to be faithful and repeatedly told me she loved me but I had a terrible knot in my stomache that I just couldn't shake. The first few days after she left we kept in contact but as the week went on, our e-mails, text messages and calls became less frequent. Worried sick, I took up some more vacation days and got off early from my newish job and went to the cottage with a few friends. A few days before she was scheduled to return I text messaged her like crazy with no response. The day she landed her parents picked her up and she texted me back that she was tired and was going to unpack and sleep. I asked if our vacation was still on and she said yes. Sigh of relief? I picked her up the next day to go on our vacation and something felt very off and I couldn't place my finger on it. I have a big problem trusting people so I started, in my not obvious ways, questioning her vacation and the details of it. We get to the cottage (after a speeding ticket, signs of things to come?) and we were on edge with eachother. That night things didn't feel the same in bed and so I asked her straight up what happened in the states. She finally admits to me that the trip made her question us and our relationship but promises she never slept with him. Needless to say the rest of the vacation was a disaster that included arguments here and there and culminated in a huge argument on our final day in front of our friends. We broke up and the next few days was extremely rough on both of us. I joined boxing to take out my frustrations and she started talking to Collin a lot more while still talking to me (crying each time). I told her if she doesn't contact Collin anymore, I will take her back. She told me she couldn't so I went No Contact with her. I became very depressed but between my friends and boxing, I managed to survive day by day until the pain subsided. Strangely enough, depression and boxing and healthy eating rid me of my acne problems and put me in great shape. Oh did I mention, a month after our break up, she called me to tell me ahead of time that she and Collin were gonna try a long distance relationship and they changed their Facebook status as such. To rub salt in the fresh wound, her friends started deleting me off their accounts (we got along very well, or so I thought) and told her "its not a real relationship until its a Facebook relationship". Ouch. Over the next few months I started just focussing on myself and my training and my career. I became a player and dated girls and slept around (I was very angry and have recently apologized for using them as revenge against the female gender). Fast forward to January 2009, we randomly bumped into eachother at a mall and talked. We ended up going to the movies together and made out and had sex. She told me she still loves me and leaving me was the biggest mistake she ever made (she was still with Collin). She wanted to know what she could do to get me back. I told her I don't know if she can. For the next few months after that, she cheated on Collin with me (and only me) quite frequently. During this time I told her if she wanted me back she would have to leave Collin and start on working to rebuild my trust and our relationship. She told me she couldn't because her whole family (aunts, uncles, grand parents) have met his whole family and they would all be heart broken, but she wants me and therefore is in a very tough position. She will eventually break up with him but needs some time to do it. I began to feel that she was using me just for the sex so I broke it off with her and wanted no contact again. Oh I forgot to mention, I also started a relationship in January with a girl who was leaving in March to go to school in Australia, we'll call her Janet. So that was in March that I started no contact again... that is until a few weeks later I got a text message from her saying that she needs to talk to me, urgent, missed her period. I called her back and we set up a day to go to the drugstore to get a pregnancy test and use it. The days leading up to that day were nerve wracking as I was figuring out how this would affect my life, my career, my finances... So the day comes and we buy the pregnancy test, take it back to my place for her to use and... She gets her period in my washroom! What a relief... or so I thought. I drove her home and didn't want to talk to her again. I started feeling hollow inside and actually got sad she wasn't pregnant... I called her in the beginning of June and we talked and she says she still feels the same way about me and wants to be with me. I told her I want to be with her but only if she breaks it up with Collin. Well... apparently Collin is here for June and half of July. They have a wedding to attend to here in July... and then They are going back to the states for another wedding they have to attend to there. She promises once she comes back she will break up with him for good and will take whatever backlash and resentment her parents give. I told her when she gets back and breaks up with him, we will work hard to rebuild our relationship. Janet is clueless of all of this and is coming back next week and I will be breaking up with her and am having second thoughts about giving Susan another chance. Those of you who finished reading all of it, thank you. What are your thoughts on my situation? I know its a really messed up one to be in. Should I give her another chance?
Leveller Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to decieve. I would simply suggest laying things out as clearly as you can with Susan and give an ultimatum as things have gone on long enough. You will both end up hurting each other and those around you otherwise.
aboynamedmike Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 james! your story sounds like some kind of dramatic soap opera... this girl sounds very confused, bouncing back from one guy to another, and cheating like it's her job. CHEATING IS NOT A GOOD SIGN, EVEN IF IT'S WITH YOU! I've been cheated on (who hasn't?) and if a girl can't end it with one guy before moving on to another then she isn't worth your time. You sound like a good guy (i enjoy boxing too) and i think you should just stay no contact with her. Sounds to me like she's just hanging on to you. Do you really want a relationship with someone where the trust has been lost already? There are so many nice girls out there(as you must know by now), and you're only 22 (i'm 20). I think you gotta just live your life, be a man and tell her to back off, stay with the girl you've got!
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