Cora Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 It's hard to believe that a year ago today is when I first met my ex. Sometimes it just seems like it's been so much longer than just a year and then other days it seems like only yesterday. I don't know why I keep up with this stuff. He left me months ago with no goodbye and has moved on since with someone new. He has broken NC and will write to me every now and then but not so much anymore since he has a new girl in his life. He seems happy and as strange as it may sound....I'm happy for him. I never thought I could get to this point but I truly am happy for him and for the both of them. I don't know how long this relationship will last....maybe forever, a few more days, or somewhere in between. I no longer hurt or long for him. I don't even hate him. There was a point where I did.....very much so! I just feel at peace now like everything happened for a reason. Even the way he hurt me. I think if anything it taught me a lesson. Not to be so trusting and so giving of my heart. To be more cautious. He was my first love and I will never forget him. However, if he came back today and asked me to give him another chance I wouldn't. I still care for him deeply but all of the love for him is gone. Dear E, It's so hard to believe that we met a year ago today. I'm sure it hasn't even crossed your mind and probably wont which is okay....only I keep up with silly things like this. I figured you were the one and that I'd be with you forever....just goes to show how naive I could be. I do miss you so very much. I miss how we could talk for hours about everything and nothing at all, how you would make me laugh and how you always knew what to say to cheer me up. I miss your smile and the sound of your voice. I miss the cute little names you would call me and the way you would say "I love you." You remember that Friday night we stayed up talking for nine hours straight? I do and I still wonder who would be crazy enough to do that? Only us right? Anyway, I miss that too. We have been through a lot me and you. Even if it's only been a year....sure seems longer. When you called me that night all upset after your grandmother had that stroke, I stayed on the phone with you all night while you cried because there was no other place I would have rather been. I could feel your fear and I cried with you. There is so much I could say here. We had a lot of laughs but also a lot of tears as well. When I found out you were cheating on me that day it broke my heart. I forgave you later because I loved you and wanted to give you another chance. Things were good for awhile until you let me down again. That is one thing I wont miss. All of the lies and the cheating. All the broken promises. The way you would break my heart over and over again. I wont miss how you left me that day without saying goodbye and at least having the decency to tell me it was over. You made it impossible for me to get in touch with you and it hurt me so deeply! You will never know the extent of the pain you caused me that day and for the months that followed. How do you think it made me feel to find out you were engaged? In time I forgave you though and was able to talk to you again as a friend. When you contacted me a couple of months later and told me how your engagement fell apart I felt bad for you. I was still hurt then but I still did not want to see you in pain. You have a new girl now in your life and you don't contact me as much which is okay. I know you are busy getting to know her, having fun and doing whatever new couples do. She seems really nice E and I am happy for you, I really am. You both seem so happy. I wish you two all the best. I'm no longer bitter towards you. I can finally look at your picture without crying. Maybe I'll hear from you again someday who knows. Well I guess that's really all I had to say even though it may seem silly to you. After everything that has happened, thank you for making me a stronger person. The best of luck to you in life! Cora Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Cora? You didn't send him that, did you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cora Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 No, I did not send him that and I wont. It wasn't meant to be sent to him. I wrote it mostly for myself. I know it's silly but I was just getting my feelings out. Honestly, If I did send him something like that he would not care. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Whew! I am glad you didn't send it. When read by an outsider, it doesn't really sound like you are over him completely, even though you say so in the letter. What an ego stroke for him (when he really is an jerk), and it just lets him know that he can continue to contact you at random and that you will keep responding to him in a positive way. Writing things out is VERY therapeutic, I think. I have journals from when I was in high school, and it is neat to see how my thoughts and needs have changed since then! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cora Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 Yeah, I write a lot....especially lately and it has been very therapeutic. I wrote a lot about him right after he left me so this is nothing compared to everything else. I think I have come a long way since then. Like you said, I may not be completely over him but I really am so much better! I wrote a lot of letters addressed to him....mostly just saying everything I ever wanted to tell him. How much he hurt me etc.. Of course I never sent a single one of them. I never planned to. I am way past sending him letters. I'm seriously done with stroking his ego. I just like to write.....or babble lol. However you want to look at it. Link to post Share on other sites
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