asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 As I drove home from work tonight, it hit me for some reason that the probable reason my 2-month dating frenzy with a girl I fell really hard for ended, was that she simply met someone else around the same time, and, I guess, I finished in 2nd place. No proof of this. But of all the competing theories, this makes the most sense. And, I've wanted to believe it more than any of the others, again because it makes the most sense. I couldn't believe that I misread our chemistry that badly, or that she got scared of getting too close to me. But her being with someone else... that is logical. So I've told myself to accept that. And it hurts like hell. But I guess it's a good hurt, because every time I'm tempted to think, "Maybe she'll call me in a few weeks," or, "Maybe she's missing me right now and regretting the break-up," the thought that "no, actually she's probably off with some other guy just thinking about him right now," snaps me back to reality. It. Is. Over. And it hurts. Like. Hell. Onward.
desertsun09 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I love that....it.is.over. --So true! That's what I try to tell myself too. There's nothing more I can do. HAve you seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall (the movie)? I've watched that like 5 times since my break up about a month and a half ago (was with him for 1.5 years). There's a scene in the movie where Peter (main character) is sitting at bar talking to the bartender telling how its not that easy to move on with his life after getting dumped in a bad way....the bartender tells him it is that easy as he used to live in South Central, hated it, and just up and moved to Hawaii, just like that. It's kinda a funny scene, but it really speaks to me. That's how i'm trying to approach things, just completely change my life. It's easier for me cause I'm in a new country and my ex is in another country. If I can jsut get past my feelings for this dick, then I can start having a good time here in London, start to date again, get some new hobbies going, etc. I think it'd be a great place to start over and find somebody that's better for me! I actually moved over to Europe to be closer to my ex. It's an effed up story, but bottom line is that I'm trying to approach it like, this is my chance to start over and use the change to my advantage after getting dumped. Good luck and take care and hope you feel better. You deserve so much more! x
Author asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Thanks my dear. I wish this girl was a dick. The problem is that we dated for such a short time, that nothing bad ever happened, so I can't use anger or hatred as a way to get over this situation. The whole experience was just a string of really cool dates and making out, and then it was over. I don't even know her all that well, and I'm aware of that. It's just an intense feeling of excitement and desire that built up within me for her, and then it was crushed one day. I just have to slog through this pain, one minute at a time. I can't think of anything that could possibly relieve it. Even if I violated NC, which I won't, I just know that that would be useless. She doesn't even KNOW that I fell for her this hard. Only my friends do. There are even other girls around me that are options for me, and I can't force myself to be interested in them right now. I've tried, believe me.
Thomas X Forever Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 No need to beat yourself up. It could literally be a hundred reasons you haven't even factored. She could simply have borderline personality disorder. That would generally means she is intelligent; easily intelligent enough to hide it from you. And it would mean she would have cut you out before real change began, because BPD people cannot deal with change. (Deal with it nicely, anyway). Point is, you don't know what really happened. And you can't, unless she tells you. When my first girlfriend and me broke up, I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I grilled her, and she wouldn't tell me. So I grilled 3 different friends of hers, and they all FINALLY and individually told me "Its because she thought you were too good to be true, and therefor were lying". (After 13 months of dating? REALLY?) So for all you know, she thought you were too good for her.
Author asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Hah. Well that's an interesting and attractive theory. We have a mutual friend, although she's closer to me than she is to her. (She actually set the two of us up). This mutual friend has offered to call her up some time and see if she can get any insight into what happened. I asked her to hold off for now. I don't want her (the ex, or whatever I'm supposed to call her) to think I'm sending the friend her way to spy on her for me. Maybe weeks or months from now I'll learn something. Until then, I just want to get through this and get over her. We had some really cool moments together and I wish I could remember them without the accompanying anguish.
Lyssa Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Hey asuman, you'll get over her. You were doing so well yesterday . This is just another one of those moments you go through every other day/week. Pretty soon, you won't be having these moments anymore!
Author asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Hey asuman, you'll get over her. You were doing so well yesterday . This is just another one of those moments you go through every other day/week. Pretty soon, you won't be having these moments anymore! Thanks Lyssa. It ebbs and flows so I just have to ride with the tide. I know you're right.
guitarplayer1234 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I know the feeling, I also had a short relationship that ended about a month ago. I was really into him and I liked him a long time before he finally told me liked me. And just a week before he ended it he was saying how much he liked me so I couldn't understand why he broke up with me. I've come up with different theories and pretty much convinced myself that he started liking other girls. I'm not sure this is true or not and I have no desire to find out because there would be no point, I just need to keep moving.
Author asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 I know the feeling, I also had a short relationship that ended about a month ago. I was really into him and I liked him a long time before he finally told me liked me. And just a week before he ended it he was saying how much he liked me so I couldn't understand why he broke up with me. I've come up with different theories and pretty much convinced myself that he started liking other girls. I'm not sure this is true or not and I have no desire to find out because there would be no point, I just need to keep moving. Yup. Keep moving. Look, if it was that great for them as it was for you, they'll get in touch again. If they don't, it wasn't, so it was imbalanced and you don't want to be in that situation. Being with someone who agrees to be with you but isn't actually into you is not a happy place. What was meant to be, will be.
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