philly7495 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I've decided I want to break up with my long term boyfriend and I am scared to death. Let me give you a quick rundown: I have been with my boyfriend for 5+ years and we have lived together for about a year. We met when I was 17 (i'm now 22) and he was 19 (he's now 25). We were kids, we still are kids, but we were madly in love in the beginning. He loved me from day one..but it took me a little while to get there. We still are best friends. We dated all through college and moved in together (with another couple) after I graduated. But for the past year or so I have been doubting our relationship. Here are my fears that have led me to believe I need to leave him. He loves me unconditionally but I can't seem to feel the same for him anymore. I don't see the fire in his eyes to make himself a better person (something I strive for everyday). I graduated college and am trying to advance in my career, he is still in school and I don't know if I see him really making anything out of himself. I'm not sure i'm even that attracted to him anymore. I have to admit I cheated on him and have felt so much guilt (I really feel like a horrible person because of it). That was pretty much the number 1 deciding factor that I need to leave. If we're not even married and i'm straying, how can there be a future? Also, i'm 22 and I feel like i'm married. We live together and fight a lot when it comes to mundane everyday things. My fear is that we would stay together and get married then eventually get divorced when I have a midlife crisis thinking I never dated other people and we jumped into everything too early (he was my first boyfriend, first everything). Now the question comes, how do I do this? Like I said we are best friends and he loves me so much..the thought of breaking up with him and breaking his heart has kept me from doing this in the past. But I know this isn't fair to him. Our lease isn't up until March of 2010 and I know the other couple is counting on my money towards rent/utilities and if I moved out it would really ruin things for everyone in the house (I know this was a bad idea, no need to remind me!) So what do I do? Wait until we all move out and just look for my own place? Do I tell him about my cheating? I really don't want to move out now..but I don't want to keep leading him on. Not to mention i'm terrified of being alone since we've been together for so long. I'm so confused.
hopesndreams Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Just move out, they'll find ways of covering your part of the rent. Tell your bf that you cheated and that it's over. Tell him he deserves someone better and that you can't be trusted to not cheat on him again. Do not be his friend and do not string him along. A clean break is best for him. Also, don't give him the ILYBNILWY baloney. The sooner you do this, the better, that way he can move on with his life and find someone more deserving.
lkjh Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Be honest with him. Also you cant blame him or the relationship for your cheating, that is a character flaw and a really horrible one.
Thomas X Forever Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Yeah you're pretty much a horrible person for cheating. LOL oh how I love brutal honesty.
aboynamedmike Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 yikes, this is what i was thinking my ex-gf and i would end up. She was my first real gf and we started dating right away in college. We were on and off for almost 2 years and I had always thought I would follow her to med school and move in and blah blah, but i'm only 20, she got too clingy for me, and I realize I need to live my life the way I want(the single life ultimately ) I mean, I was scared when I broke up with her because she was really attached to me, but I just didn't have feelings for her anymore. That didn't keep the heartache away though and I bawled hardcore for a while, but I'm better now... 5 years is a long time...but you just gotta suck it up and do whats best for YOU! Good luck
Author philly7495 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Be honest with him. Also you cant blame him or the relationship for your cheating, that is a character flaw and a really horrible one. When did I blame him or the relationship?? I obviously know it was my own fault, hense why i'm ending the relationship...PS thanks for all the helpful advice LOL
scienceguy Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 If you want to soften the blow for him, then weeks (or months) before you actually break up with him, start giving him signs and talking to him about your misgivings of your relationship. Say something like, "Hey I need to talk to you....How do you feel about our relationship?...Things are okay for me, but I'm starting to feel that we're just coasting..." or something along the lines that would gently let him know that you are not so sure of things between the two of you. That way, it'll give him some time to think about what is going on between the two of you, and he can prepare to break some of the bonds himself--instead of having them ripped out by you. As for your cheating, like everybody else said, what you did was absolutely despicable and disgusting. Ultimately, when you're in a relationship, somebody else is trusting you a great deal, and you completely violated that trust in the worst manner possible. I wonder if people like you ever think about stuff like this or simply don't care. Having been on the other end of things, people like you are....well, I'm sure I'd get kicked off if I really gave my opinions. Anyways, you might want to consider not telling him about that; it will probably destroy him and scar him for a long time (mine really left a mark for two years). You'll just have to live with your guilt, if you have any in the first place.
skreen23 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 No, it wouldn't be fair to drag things out for either of you. Tell him why you're unhappy and break it off. As for the cheating, its not good but we all make mistakes and you obviously have a conscience because you feel bad about it. Whatever you do never tell your bf, it would crush him. You sound like a cool girl, follow your heart.
Missing Soul Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 No, it wouldn't be fair to drag things out for either of you. Tell him why you're unhappy and break it off. As for the cheating, its not good but we all make mistakes and you obviously have a conscience because you feel bad about it. Whatever you do never tell your bf, it would crush him. You sound like a cool girl, follow your heart.Cheating isnt a mistake . A Mistake is accidently burning an apple pie . Back in my cheating days i knew exactly what i was doing and why i was doing it . We don't understand the filthyness of cheating until we get cheated on .
NopeNah Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Cheating isnt a mistake . A Mistake is accidently burning an apple pie . Back in my cheating days i knew exactly what i was doing and why i was doing it . We don't understand the filthyness of cheating until we get cheated on . EXACTLY! You should end it with him ASAP! Don't drag this guy along. I'm not trying to be an ass, at all. Just saying, it's best for both of you if you end it now. I also think you should be honest with him about the cheating, not for yourself, HIM. I know when i've been cheated on it makes the "what if's" slip the hell away alot faster. Because I can't tollerate that in any form or fashion. goodluck!
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