username8 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 So, my current bf has been in a state of depression, not sure if this is relevent to what he has been saying to me lately. He has been telling me this week and a few times in the past that he loves me and likes me, but does not want to be in this relationship. He says that if I want to stay that is fine (we live together). But he thinks we would both be better off seperate. I really appreciate his honesty. So to clarify, he is not breaking up w/ me although he thinks we would be better seperated. He is basically leaving the ball in my court. I have been sticking around but feeling sad about what he said to me. I love him and dont want end our relationship. I cant help but think this could be partially his depression talking.. Either way I feel that by staying im not respecting myself by being w/ someone who has made it clear doesn't really care if im there or not. I guess I'm just really confused about how I feel right now. Not to mention he has said this in the past and I did end up leaving because I felt i owed it to myself not to stay where im not wanted. And not even a day later he was asking me to come back... and of course I did.
alphamale Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 by depression do you mean situational or clinical?
Author username8 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 I think its clinical, never really diagnosed though. I guess it could be a combonation of situational and clinical. I can't tell the difference anymore. He told me he has bipolar disorder as well. However, he is not on medication for it.
Ronni_W Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 he loves me and likes me, but does not want to be in this relationship. ... he is not breaking up w/ me although he thinks we would be better seperated. It really doesn't matter if what he is telling you is coming from his depressive thoughts or not. What matters is that he is telling you what he wants/needs, and doesn't want/need, in his life right now. If anything, it is depression that is causing him to act so weak about what he wants/needs. How I'm hearing it, he DID break-up with you...he just doesn't have the mental or physical stamina to take any action about it. Right now, he does not want to be in this relationship. That is the important piece for him...and for you. Sorry that you're going through this.
Author username8 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Thanks Ronni. Sometimes an outside perspective can knock some sense into ya. I think you are right. Thats probably why I was feeling down on myself for sticking around. I guess I know whether it is the depression talking or not, he is not happy in our relationship.
Ronni_W Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 That's the bottom line, yes. I'm sorry to have to agree with you.
alphamale Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I think its clinical, never really diagnosed though. I guess it could be a combonation of situational and clinical. I can't tell the difference anymore. He told me he has bipolar disorder as well. However, he is not on medication for it. sounds like your bf needs some psychiatric intervention
Author username8 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 oye. I guess while im asking advice. We had a gettaway planned for this weekend. Should I just cancel it and try to go our seperate ways. I guess he wouldn't have much fun w/ me anyways. The sad thing is I have been looking forward to this weekend away w/ him for a while. Guess its not worth going anymore.
Author username8 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Agreed. but he doesn't have insurance. He got laidoff a few months ago.. prob not helping w/ things. Guess even though he is the one telling me I should leave. I feel like I would be abondoning him.. If that makes any sense.
LisaUk Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I'm sorry but I disagree, if he has done this before and you left, then a day later he asked you to come back, what makes it so diffeent this time? I would try talking this out on your weekend away, don't be so quick to run, if he isn't well this may be contributing.
Author username8 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 I'm sorry but I disagree, if he has done this before and you left, then a day later he asked you to come back, what makes it so diffeent this time? I would try talking this out on your weekend away, don't be so quick to run, if he isn't well this may be contributing. This is why I am confused. I am trying to be a mind reader w/ him. He tells me he love me and likes me but does not like our relationship. I love him alot and want nothing more for him to be happy. Its real hard seeing how sad he is day in and day out. Its like he has given up on us. At night when we are both home. He sits on the computer the whole night w/ a constant sad look on his face, bearly talks to me. He says to me that he just thinks we are not a good match as a couple. He says he knows we both love each other but thinks our relationship "sucks". It makes me sad that the man I love can say that even though he loves me he doesnt want to be w/ me. He says he has felt this way for a long times and doesn't see it changing. Nothing is the same anymore. Before he didn't have to say a word and i could just tell that he loved me. But nowadays, I cant telll if he loves me (despite him telling me he does) I am truely heartbroken. I am soo lost. damn :*(
guitarplayer1234 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 This is why I am confused. I am trying to be a mind reader w/ him. He tells me he love me and likes me but does not like our relationship. I love him alot and want nothing more for him to be happy. Its real hard seeing how sad he is day in and day out. Its like he has given up on us. At night when we are both home. He sits on the computer the whole night w/ a constant sad look on his face, bearly talks to me. He says to me that he just thinks we are not a good match as a couple. He says he knows we both love each other but thinks our relationship "sucks". It makes me sad that the man I love can say that even though he loves me he doesnt want to be w/ me. He says he has felt this way for a long times and doesn't see it changing. Nothing is the same anymore. Before he didn't have to say a word and i could just tell that he loved me. But nowadays, I cant telll if he loves me (despite him telling me he does) I am truely heartbroken. I am soo lost. damn :*( As hard as it is, I do think you need to leave. Obviously being around him and staying isn't helping the situation so why stay? I'm sorry you are going through this but I could never stay in a relationship when my partner says it "sucks". I think you should cancel the weekend away, because I don't understand how it could magically make things better by talking things out. He has already voiced his opinions to you that he doesn't like the relationship and from the sounds of it he doesn't seem to be trying at all anymore. I honestly think you'll be better saving yourself more heartbreak by leaving. You are only dragging things out further by being around someone who doesn't want a relationship with you, it's just going to leave you feeling depressed.
Author username8 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 I'm sorry but I disagree, if he has done this before and you left, then a day later he asked you to come back, what makes it so diffeent this time? I would try talking this out on your weekend away, don't be so quick to run, if he isn't well this may be contributing. As hard as it is, I do think you need to leave. Obviously being around him and staying isn't helping the situation so why stay? I'm sorry you are going through this but I could never stay in a relationship when my partner says it "sucks". I think you should cancel the weekend away, because I don't understand how it could magically make things better by talking things out. He has already voiced his opinions to you that he doesn't like the relationship and from the sounds of it he doesn't seem to be trying at all anymore. I honestly think you'll be better saving yourself more heartbreak by leaving. You are only dragging things out further by being around someone who doesn't want a relationship with you, it's just going to leave you feeling depressed. So, despite a few of people's comments on here. I asked my bf if he would still like to go. He said "that he has zero interset in going. he doesnt like beaches, he would only go if i wanted to go." (paraphrased that.. fyi). I get that he doesnt like beaches. but i did book that w/ intentions of having time away, also made sure to get a room w/ a jacuzzi bcz he recently had surgery and thought it would be a nice rehab time for him. Thanks to everyone for their advice... guess im still in limbo.. I think I should leave.. but i feel like there might be something of a larger scale wrong w/ him.. and almost feel like im abondoning him.. I am going to take some more time to really think about this.
Author username8 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 After he said he had zero interest in going, we were only going for me. I wrote back to his email, saying nevermind about the trip. I also told him that i was really lost about his feelings towards me. this is a direct quote from him " I have told you many times to move on. stop bothering me w/ ur unhappiness. you are the once choosing to still be here. " Guess im feeling pretty pathetic right now.. I still feel like something bigger is wrong here, but I think I have to leave. Its like he is getting to comfortable talking to me disrespectfully..
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